I threw out my back two days before leaving for Kauai. I was hoping to use this time to get stronger and get over all the bullshit I have going on in my head, but I am spending the majority of the time learning how to sit down and stand up without crying in pain.
Everything happens for a reason, this I know for certainty. The saying always pisses me off because it means that I am in the process of learning something I don’t want to learn.
I got a text and a phone call, most of which I don’t remember because I was highly medicated on pain killers, but the one thing I do remember is asking the one question that holds whatever future we might have and he didn’t want to answer it so I know that means that nothing really has changed.
I don’t want to be here and be sad. Yet here I am…sad. Sad because I was suppose to be holding his hand and walking along the beach. So far I have just sat there and looked out at the beach. Maybe tonight I will walk out there. I don’t know.