Evergreen

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Have you ever thought about a certain day and how it can change your whole life?  What if you knew what that date was?  What if it was coming up?
I’m faced with exactly that. I have a lot of changes coming up soon that I thought I wouldn’t be ready for, like Shea graduating from high school.  The reality is that I am ready. That day use to scare me because that would mean a sense of freedom I have not had in roughly 23 years.  My grand plan was that I was going to pack it up and move back to Redding and spend my last half of my life with my sister.  Like a nimrod I didn’t exactly financially plan for it though.  When I met my second husband I was certain that we would build a life here and watch the girls grow up and live happily ever after.  Fairytale endings don’t seem to work out for me though.  Or maybe they do. We shall see.

I was on a trail run with my crew last weekend and mid run I stopped.  “I know the date that my whole life is going to change and things will never be the same. It won’t be the same as it is today. I’m going to change and things are going to be different.”
It was scary and thrilling at the same time.  As that day draws closer I want to better prepare myself for it and that means living authentically.  Last night something threw itself in my path and I approached it as honestly as I could.   Walking around the situation with fresh eyes and seeing it for what it was. A test.  This was a test to see if I could handle this new change.  Stepping back from it, but being honest with my feelings for it I examined it.  Was it going to bring me happiness? No.  Was it going to make me love myself more? Absolutely not.  Not needing to examine it further I decided to let the other person see it for what it was as well.   When one is not living authentically they grow angry at examination and that is exactly what happened.
I believe I have heard the last of it and the test was passed.  I’m glad it happened now and not after the upcoming date of change.  I was able to live in that moment and deal with it the best way that I could.

I’m excited for change.  This is new for me.  The unexpected has always frightened me, but for once I am ready with open arms.