Here’s a totally hypothetical situation.
I am going to change the wording around a little bit because just in case someone is reading this and doesn’t believe me when I say ‘hypothetical’. Really, who believes someone when they say, “hypothetically”. See, right there, I tossed that word into the ” ” because I either don’t believe the word is actually a word or it’s just a word that is being loosely used. The fact that word, ‘totally’ is thrown in front of the word hypothetical is almost like trying to convince your mother that you didn’t skip school, all the while your face is twitching and your sweating buckets.
So, to my questions that is totally hypothetical;
Has someone ever been “Blah, blah, blah…(this is a form of wording used to decribe that someone is either saying something monumentally stupid, totally irrelevant, or just talking shit out of the side of her (or his) mouth –in this case, ALL THREE) …blah…blah….Blllllllllahhhhhh.”
and then you’re all, “Shut the fuck up, Bitch.”
Hypothetically speaking, I’m the one thinking; ‘shut the fuck up, bitch’.
Along with Tivo, I wish life had a pause, rewind and fast forward option. I didn’t watch Click because I don’t want to ruin the image of the perfect world I have in my head.
Well, along with the beforementioned options, I would like to add: Auto Update.
When things are getting old. Auto Update. I want to wake up and have my house look like it was raped by Ikea. My attempts at making my world a little cooler to look at— end in failure. I have found that the Ikea look isn’t something that can be done in phases. If you get one thing, GET THEM ALL because anything from Ikea will look out of place if you don’t buy the whole damn room.
The auto update will come in handy when my wardrobe is like it is now; a combination of “Best of Fugly” and something that Mrs. Roper from Three’s Company use to wear. Auto Update would compile information from “What Not To Wear” and the next time I opened my closet door the insane volume of sweat pants I own, would be jeans that made me look like I have an ass and not the hind quarters of a donkey.
Auto Update would ALWAYS remember to update my blog, twitter, facebook, youtube…you get the picture.
Auto Update would be certain to delete Mariah Carey music from my computer so in times like, right now, Marina won’t play a song, leaving me with the words to “Hero” repeating over and over before I stab at my ears with my highlighters or a random straw.
I’ve sort of been on this, ‘throw away everything you have ever owned’ kick lately. It started with 80% of the content in my garage. I couldn’t be happier. Well, that’s just a stupid statement, OF COURSE I COULD BE HAPPIER.
I’m just really glad that the crap that was attracting mice is now out of my garage. I’m glad the stuff that I have been holding on for other people is out of my garage. Well, a majority of it anyway. I’m going to give him ONE more warning about it and if it’s not out, I take 1% of the baby pictures he has in 4 storage bins and I send it to him and then give him 2 weeks to come get the other 99%. Sounds fair right?
Next is the closet. I have weeded my clothes down to ‘haven’t worn it/won’t wear it/don’t fit/what was I thinking when I bought ORANGE? and ‘keep’. 4 bags of useless clothes later, I have room in my closet to hang up my hoodies. Now this is the part that confuses the hell out of me. When did I go through a phase in my life when I thought I needed a hood attached to all my shirts and warm clothing?
Don’t get me started on the sheer volume of sweat pants I own.
It’s like Where’s Waldo of dress pants in my closet.
“I’m looking for a blazer and black dress pants. It’s not on this page. I give up!”
My sweat pants were weeded through too and I had to justify holding on to 2 pairs of each of my favorite types; the cut off sweat. the capri sweat. the full length and acceptable at the gym sweat.
Sadly, I only own one pair that I would be caught dead in outside of my home.
The next room to get the strip down is the kitchen. *evil laughter*
I feel like K-Mart announcing the blue light special….EVERYTHING MUST GO!
I wish they had realistic horoscopes.
Today mine would read, “Just go on ahead and sream FUCK! at the top of your lungs. You’re going to need it to get throughout the day. In fact…spend the first 3 hours of your day just doing that.”
On the way home from Ryan’s 18th birthday-we-missed-lunch-lets-have-coffee-and-give-you-cards-and-hugs meeting, I was listening to my new Nano (Ipod pay it forward post coming on Tuesday) and Beastie Boys came on.
Dan wasn’t singing along with me, Kara, Alyx and Shea.
“Dad didn’t get on the Beastie Boys bandwagon in the 80’s.” I announce.
“I hate the Beastie Boys.” he admits.
Years of marriage and I did not know this about the man. Of course, it wasn’t until I got one of his social security letters a few years ago that I found out his name wasn’t Daniel….but Danny. But MUSICALLY, I know the man. I didn’t know he was a hater of Beastie Boys. How could this be?
“They suck. They’re rap.” He proclaims.
Now this is where I have to ask the question: Is Beastie Boys ‘Rap’. I see it has all the characteristics of rap music…yet it can not be categorized as such.
I switched it over to classic rock and debated what song by the Beastie Boys I would be playing at his funeral.
We all hate it, but just roll with it this year people. It’s 2009….switch it up. If you didn’t celebrate before (like me) just go out and do it…it’s sort of fun. The kids loved their stuff!!
Tonight I’m taking my husband and friend, Megan out to dinner and then to see Friday the 13th.
Then on actual VD, I’m going to sacrifice my mental health and go to Chuckie Cheese with my friend, Ruka so she doesn’t have to be alone.
GOD, I am such a good friend.
I realize it’s been forever since I have posted a damn thing about anything with someone in this house…
Funny things have happened here, but I’m still trying to get a grasp on how to deal with all the stuff that is going to be able to fully be able to laugh at stuff.
I had to stop the Chantix. I’m not exactly sure is one of the side effects was causing this uncomfortable problem, but I wasn’t taking any chances. I did notice that the taste of cigs did get a 1% less appealing, but other than that, 2 weeks of it didn’t work. I realized that i’m not addicted to the crap IN the cig..I’m addicted to the act of smoking. I love smoking…the act and intimacy of it. Can someone PLEASE invent a cig that I can smoke that won’t freaking kill me. I will smoke freaking lettuce leaves if someone will roll it and put a damn filter on it!
I know I need ‘rules’ to smoking if I am going to quit on my own without pills or patches. I just don’t want to swallow another pill unless it’s a vitamin….and I don’t do patches after that one time with that one (top of the ‘most embarrassing moment’ list). Sorry to let you all down on that one…and the whole losing weight thing…and everything else I have managed to fail at.
I am pretty close to seeing all the stupid movies for the grammy…oscar…what the hell am I watching all these damn movies again for?
See? losing my mind.
I did clean the garage. FREAKING excited about THAT. Throwing away about 90% of what we own!! :)
must not kill the children. must not kill the husband. must not drive truck over ex-husband. must not rip throats out of random strangers.
repeat x 200,000 a day.
yeah, this quiting smoking thing is just a barrell of laughs!
I’m now on the 7th day of Chantix, the quitting smoking pill. The first couple of days were odd because I was so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I felt the mood swings, but they weren’t enough to want me to drown anyone in the toilet, so I figured everyone was safe.
Somewhere around day 2 or 3, I got Dan’s flu. I knew it would come with a cough, but because I had been chain smoking in fear of never wanting another cigarette, my cough was a doozy.
Every thing has been smooth sailing and I even forgotten the side effects. On Friday night I had a disturbing dream where I was involved with Rick James. Mr. SuperFreak himself. In my dream, my goal was to unbraid his hair and run my fingers through his hair. In an awake state it’s discusting and I want to hurl, but in my dream state it was a turn on. I woke up thinking, “My therapist is going to LOVE this one!”.
Since I have sporatic cases of insomnia, going two days without sleep and then being able to sleep for 5 hours without a problem, I figured the ‘problem sleeping’ warning level on the Chantix wouldn’t be a problem. IT SUCKS. I was FINALLY tired last night. It was a little after 11pm when I decided to go to bed. This would be like going to bed at 6pm for normal people. I felt like I was awake, but asleep…or asleep, but awake. I kept waking up looking at the clock thinking, “NO Fing WAY!” HOURS had gone by and it felt like I was just laying there trying to sleep…but I was.
At 3:45am I caved in and took a Xanax and slept until 10am. I’m going to try something new tonight and take the last of 2 pills at 6pm and see if makes a difference.
Now for the smoking part of this whole thing. I honestly think the fact that I had the flu is what slowed me down. Taking a drag of a cigarette is painful on my throat. I’m still fighting to the cough and after I finish writing this up I am running to the store to buy me and Alyx some Musinex so we can get rid of our rattling coughs.
Good news though…last night, I actually didn’t feel like smoking when I normally would have grabbed one. I was hoping that within the first few days the taste of a cigarette would have me wanting to put it out and become a non-smoking snob, but no such luck.
I start the higher dose tomorrow.
Bring on the creepy non-sleepy dreams!
Isn’t she freakin’ cute? I got to spend an hour with her and her mom and dad yesterday while we did her 6 month shoot. I swear, it’s a good thing I can’t have babies anymore. Well, I could, but I would have some explaining to Shaun if I did.
Today is Superbowl Sunday. It’s a day of lounging on the couch and stuffing your face full of greasy food and yelling at the TV. Okay, that is pretty much every night at our house.
I grew up to hate the Steelers because my aunt and uncle loved them and what fun was football if there wasn’t a rivalry between homes? Out of all the years of watching them, I grew to secretly love them though. Then the greatest thing happened to them… *angels singing* Ben Roethlisberger, my no-helmet-wearing-cute-idiot! Shaun and I watched the drafts when he was picked up…way late in the drafts (tenth??) because it was the year of Eli Manning (?). Shaun liked him and I liked the look of that big ol’ football playing teddy bear. Reow. Throw that ball! reow! Run tight buns, RUN! Sorry…getting a little carried away. Trying to erase the dream I had this morning where I was romantically linked with Rick James.
Today they play the Cardinals. The team that has nothing to offer the eye, except a little red bird that reminds me of Christmas.
BUT, I am going to root for the little tweeters because my brother in law, Kevin, is a fan. Always has been. For as long as I can remember, his home has been decorated with those little red birds. So for the love of my brother in law, I will avert my eyes when Big Ben is manhandling the football today and try not imagine….no…I won’t even think of what I will try not imagine.
GO CARDINALS. you little red bird you.