I’m listening to Sheryl Crow (because I can’t find my Tracy Chapman CD) and she has that song, “Favorite Mistake”.
It always makes me think about all my mistakes I’ve made. It’s hard to label one as my FAVORITE mistake.
Do you have a favorite mistake?
Well, it’s the last day of 2004.
I have been blog hopping the last couple of days. It seems like this year sucked for everyone. It did end in the horrible #4 so it was doomed from day one.
I make no resolutions this year. I refuse to make myself more promises that I know I am going to break within 15 minutes of making them.
I do plan on making some changes in my life though. They are not going to be easy changes, but I can’t live the way I have for another year.
I don’t want to be sitting here writing about how unhappy I am. I am not a depressed person. I am not a person who sit around and dwells on the shit in her life. I have been through enough in my life to not want to wake up AGAIN and say, “How the hell did I get to THIS point in my life?” I don’t want to be looking for an easy escape to get the fuck out of the mess I have gotten myself into.
There is more…i’m just too pissed, hurt, angry, frustrated, … to write anymore.
Happy Fucking New Year.
In my search for the wild 80’s hair picture (below) I found this picture of my mom.
She’s so beautiful. How could you not fall in love with this woman and want to spend the rest of your life wanting to make her the happiest person alive?
Just wanted to share.
I blame this ALL on my sister. It was her responsibility to tell me how bad I looked. I told her she looked like big bird when she bought the yellow Rebocks. She should have told me my hair was too big, or at least cut it all off while I slept!
I’m getting old.
I’m okay with this.
It’s the part i’m not comfortable with is that I can relate to my sister and mom on a whole new level.
I’m not comfortable with it because I now feel SO guilty for sweeping up the whole living room only to sweep the crap UNDER the couch, for half ass washing the dishes and then being pissed at my sister when she looked at me like I was fucking crazy for trying to put the dirty plate in the cupboard. For all the times I walked through the house and over trash and DIDN’T pick it up. For the times I told my mom I was cleaning my room when really I was pretending to be Janet or Chrissy from “Three’s Company” and my room was my apartment that I had to clean up before a ‘date’ showed up so I just threw shit under my bed or in my closet. I feel guilty for the time I took a big marker pen and put cursive L’s on everything in the kitchen because I WAS Laverne and I needed everyone in our house to know it too.
I now realize Kathy wasn’t mad at ME that Paul (her son) put gum in his hair, she was mad at me because I watched him do it, didn’t stop him, and was going to be spending the rest of the night trying to hold down a squirmy, wet, 3 year old boy and try to cut the gum out of his hair. [sidenote: he didn’t trust her with anything sharp after she took a blister out of his finger. he would HIDE every single needle in the house in his toybox!]
I now understand why mom got so pissy when I chose to talk on the phone than watch a movie with her.
So, last night…I layed on the couch and watched, “The Princess Diaries 2” with my girls and enjoyed it. I know these days won’t last forever. I find comfort in knowing that each one of my children will feel horrible guilt for being a mean sister and bad daughter. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them, “Stop biting your sister, she’s going to be your best friend someday!” they don’t care. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them, “I’M YOUR MOTHER AND I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!” they are still going to think I am crazy and wrong.
AND no matter how cool I am, I am NEVER going to be as cool as their Auntie Kathy and Grandma…so I guess what comes around, goes around. [damn, my mother was right!]
I’m home all week while the girls are on Christmas vacation. It has given me a lot of time with the girls.
Things I have found out while being home ALL day long.
they argue. ALL THE TIME.
Shea is a troublemaker.
kara talks REALLY loud.
they can play with Polly Pockets for hours.
cartoons are not as cool as they use to be.
kids eat every 30 minutes.
when it is time to clean up: shea’s foot hurts, kara has to pee, and alyx has a tummy ache.
I swear when the DayQuil kicks in, this house is going to be clean. Foot, pee and tummy, BE DAMNED!
I was going to send this whole long post on how Christmas sucked this year. It did suck. The actual day sucked, but only because I was SOOOOOOOO sick.
It would have been a really funny post because some crazy ass shit happened to me while I was drugged up on DayQuil, but I don’t even want to go there right now.
Boils down to this: My girls had one of the best Christmases in a really long time. They got gifts from us, from dad, from Shaun’s family, from my family. They got to spend Christmas WITH family they haven’t seen in a really long time.
Who cares that I was so sick I could hear every electrical pulse running through my sister’s house, or that I saw my brother in law in his tighty whities. It doesn’t matter that I was sick and couldn’t see my dad or even TASTE dinner. It certainly doesn’t matter that I was 3 times the legal limit of “Quil” you should take in a 24 hour period or that my sister, if she ever decides to invite EVERYONE WE HAVE EVER KNOWN for Christmas dinner, needs to invest in about 13 more couches.
It boils down to this: I didn’t get into ONE fist fight this year (even though Kevin was pushing it when he was picking on my Raider’s Kicker), My family is safe & last, but certainly not least,
CHRISTMAS IS OVER!
the boy wants to play on Xbox live. I am on the computer. he has pulled out the only game he knows I am powerless to. DIG DUG.
he knows within minutes I will be on the couch playing dig dug, screaming at the stupid things that will not blow up.
what he has not factored in….if i’m on playstation, he can’t be on xbox.
This is a new part of my journal. It’s the “Shaun Says” part.
I told him that I’ve had my journal since August and you could add up all my comments and it still wouldn’t be as many as the ONE day I post what he wrote.
lol……I was like a special guest star and your ratings went up for the day. Thats funny.
I love pictures. I love picture frames, I love photo albums.
Shaun does too, so when he moved in we had 5 times TOO many of all those things.
I’m sort of picky about picture frames. I like a certain look of the wood. I weight it to see if it’s heavy enough to withstand my punishment. I like the cool ceramic looking ones. I like metal ones, that are not scratched up.
Now when Shaun moved in, I found a theme to his picture frames. It’s called the Dollar Tree theme. I swear to GOD, every single frame in his house was found at Dollar Tree. They were PLASTIC!
I didn’t want to freak him out too much. He already had to throw away his lovely sectional couch, his full size bed, oh shit, he had to toss everything.
We brought his paintings and his paint gear….and his framed pictures.
I have slowly gone through and gotten rid of all of his Dollar Tree frames. I have replaced them with nice metal frames (because that’s his favorite) and now in our house, we have every type of frame you can imagine. None of them match.
But none of them are plastic.