- I did something today that I never thought I would do, or get a chance to do.I almost threw up on the way home at three different stop lights.
I almost hyperventilated 14 times in 30 minutes.
I have been shaking for 3 solid hours.
I’m not going to tell you how many times i’ve started to cry and had to stop myself because I feel like an idiot for crying.
I’ve never done ANYTHING this fucking crazy. I just hope I don’t regret it.
I don’t think I will. Look at that picture up there and tell me that isn’t perfect. maybe you need to click on the picture to see it full size.
I was reading Ladybug’s blog today and she has decided, for protection purposes, to use alias on her blog. I love this idea, of course I am FAR too lazy to go and change all the names. I have a few names; my mom is ‘The Fonz’ and my sister is ‘mom’s second favorite’. I don’t do this to protect them because in all honesty, they could kick your ass if confronted. I do this because my mom likes to be reminded that she is the coolest person that ever was and my sister needs to be put in her place when it comes to the family pecking order. Just because she’s older and takes care of MY mom, doesn’t mean she’s the favorite. I’m the baby and the baby is the favorite. end of story.
BUTT (that is my contribution for Butts for Butterflies over at Dooce) BUTT, if I did have alias on my site, this is what they would be:
Tyler: Da Boy. He has been ‘the boy’ since the day I met him. I would call him “MY boy” but sometimes he is Shaun’s boy. Those times when he slacks off, plays video games all day, doesn’t clean the living room, eats at my computer, spends a solid hour in the bathroom reading video game magazines or whatever girl cosmo is in there. I know he’s reading because he will come out and say, “Did you know that if you don’t replace your mascara you could get pink eye?”
I don’t talk much about Da Boy because he’s just such a good kid that I don’t have to bitch about him much.
Marina: MO. She hates that name. I would call her Mo-Mo just to piss her off more. I’m such a mean ass sometimes. MoFina.
Kara: Drag Queen. Yes, she’s a girl…but if girls could be drag queens, Kara would be one. She sings ALL THE TIME. She’s dramatic as all hell, and NEVER SHUTS UP. I swear, sings ALL the time. When she’s talking to you, one of her sentences will be done in “Chicago” style song and dance.
Alyx: Lady Chatalot. She’s the shy one in the group, but once you get her going she won’t shut up if you paid her too. Shaun likes to tell her she’s over her ‘talking minutes’.
Shea: Hobo. This girl is GONE. She’s at the neighbors more often than she is at home. She LIVES in her ‘lucky brown jacket’. She wears it ALL the time and carries her purse no matter where she is or what she’s doing. She looks like she’s ready to go somewhere ALL the time.
I’m afraid when the neighbors move that they are going to forget that Shea isn’t really their daughter and try to take her with them.
Shaun: he who eats in my cars. I can actually think of a lot more, but this one is the one that comes to mind. He was “Turkey Hormone” because when we first met, everytime we would hang out I would fall asleep. I could call him “Shut Up Shaun!” but that sort of defetes the purpose of having an alias.
Me: Well, i’m just Random and Odd. I use to go by Keeton (my radio name). I am just Kristine. No trying to hide the fact anymore.
If you could give yourself an alias (I’m sure some of you already have one) what would it be?
I went out this weekend. I know, pick your jaw up off the damn floor.
I admit it, I had fun. I think 50% was the company (hi tina!) and the other 50% was the people I got to watch and take video and pictures of when they didn’t think I was. I’m a mean son of a bitch because this morning I was cracking up as I downloaded these pictures.
Okay, let’s just get this out there: The women in Sacramento, California at a certain bar located outside CAN. NOT.DANCE.AT.ALL. Period.
Women were dry humping everything in site: air, friends, OUTSIDE HEATERS! these women were all about the grinding. They loves them some grindage. It was funny and wrong all the same time.
Don’t get me started on the “What Not To Wear” episode that could explode in that place.
WOMEN! STOP WEARING JEANS WITH BLEACHED OUT ASSES! ack!
MEN! STOP USING DEAD WIVES AS A WAY TO GET US TO SLEEP WITH YOU! ack!
IF YOU ARE SIXTY YEARS OLD, GO HOME! YOU OLD PERVERTED MAN! ack!
and don’t get pissed at me because I’m taking pictures of your friend who is flipping up your skirt so everyone can see your coochie. She was wrong with those pony tales. WRONG I SAY!
Oh and dude that was WAY too stoned to be out and about: If you’re butt is grabbing ALL of your pants and your asshole is eating them, PUT ON A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR…NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU DIGGING IN YOUR BUTT TO PULL THEM OUT!
I could go and go and go ON AND ON AND ON about the people that were out that made my night so much fun, but Shaun wants the computer.
Hope you all had a great weekend!!
Getting to know me (Part One):
“What is your biggest fear?”
Being a parent, my biggest fear is losing my children.
That one is a given. That one is probably the reason my hair is falling out and I am a giant stress ball all the time.
My second is losing my parents. It’s weird, when I write that, I lump my sister in with my mom and dad. I have three other siblings that I love very much and would be hurt beyond words if anything ever happened to them, but I would be LOST if something happened to Kathy. She’s my hero, my role model, my best friend…and I am getting ALL worked up thinking about losing her and that isn’t what this post is about.
Hold on, let me get these stupid tears out of my eyes so I can write about the greatest grandpa that ever walked the planet.
Grandpa wasn’t ‘paw-paw’ or ‘G-pa’ or ‘PoPo’ or ‘pop’. He was ‘grandpa’. He was a no-frills, no shit type of guy. He was my favorite guy growing up.
He was, of course the biggest man I had ever seen. I think he was a normal sized man, but to me…bigger than life.
It’s super hard to write about him because I get all choked up. I miss him. I wish he could have met my girls.
He would have loved them so much!
He would have gotten a kick out of each one of them because each one of them has such a huge part of my personality.
He would have loved Kara because they would have sat there and talked and played games like we use to do. He would tease her about something, and she would tease him right back.
He would have pampered Alyx because he was good at that. He was good at making you feel like you were so special and his very favorite grandchild. Grandpa’s house was always a welcomed trip, and Alyx would have wanted to live there.
He would have gotten a kick out of Shea. He would be out in the boat fishing with her and showing her how to put a worm on her hook and LAUGHING at her many facial expressions.
I was lucky to have my grandpa for as long as I did. I got to do those things with him.
What makes me sad is that my girls ‘Grandpa’ is still alive. He could be asking if we could come up and stay with him for weekend so he can sit and talk to them, play games, pamper, go fishing…
He loves them SO very much and sends them anything they need.
I just wish he would make more of a fuss about wanting to see his ‘babies’.
When my mom is having her ‘grandbaby’ withdrawals she starts bitchen about not seeing them and either comes and sees them or makes me bring them up there.
I want them to have memories of both my mom and dad. I want my girls to be able to sit down at their blog when they are 32 years old, have kids and be will able to remember stories of their grandparents like I have my grandpa.
My sister will have to tell you about Grandma Helen because I was 9 months old when she died…Kathy is Grandma Helen’s FAVORITE granddaughter. I can’t even try for that title.
Grandpa: “Ugly, go get the dominos.”
Me: “I’m just going to beat you again —Double Ugly.”
And then he would laugh.
My sister- mom’s second favorite daughter, mentioned the other day the amount of pictures that my mother-The Fonz, has of us in various states of drunkenness.
I thought, ‘how bad could the pictures be?’ and then she reminded me of a certain trip to Reno where my sister-mom’s second favorite daughter, but in this post only we will call her, THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL was kind enough to get me something to wash my pain medication down with; coke…with Jack Daniels.
It was almost one of the best trips we ever had, except I don’t remember much of it. The only thing that I have to jog my memory is those pictures. I found THOSE pictures tonight.
Yeah, mom has blackmail pictures and I decided after viewing these pictures: MY MOM WILL NEVER HAVE A BLOG.
We need to shut down the “The Fonz Blog” Campaign right here and now.
Yes we drink (my sister and I) and yes we smoke (like a house on fire) and yes we do sing at the top of our lungs and dance like no one is watching. BUT WHY DO WE NEED TO DO THESE THINGS WHEN THAT WOMAN IS TAKING PICTURES OF US!?
There is a picture of me half on bed, half off, shirt up to my neck and i’m laughing like a loon because my sister and I were swing dancing and she got me spinning so fast and in our drunken stooper, she let go. Yeah, it was funny at the time, but I was housed up on Jack Daniels and a whole carton of Marlboro lights!
Kathy, let’s just say it together: “Mom…put away the camera.”
But just in case you don’t believe me, Here you go (and I took a REALLY mild picture to show you what that woman is capable of catching with her damn camera- I think it’s like a sport to her!)
It’s www.selfportraitday.com day!!
I made it for the grand opening and I thought this would be the perfect picture for everyone that has never been to my site before!
Welcome to Kristine’s RANDOM AND ODD BLOG!
Okay, for all of you that know me, tell the new people visiting a little about me in the comments section.
*you’ll be rewarded for nice things!
Say hello to our newest family member, Morrison.
It was time to be all growed up and buy my very own first car. I had hoped my first car would have been something like Eleanor from “Gone in 60 Seconds”, but being the parent and step parent of 5 kids, I had to just bite the bullet and buy the van.
This means I won’t be getting that Digital Rebel. This also means I won’t be eating until the end of time.
But my kids won’t have to be split into two car everytime we want to go somewhere.
Shaun named it Morrison. He kicked around the idea of Halen, but Morrison stuck.
Tyler said, “Who names a van Morrison?”
I looked at him thinking he would get it. He didn’t.
I’m SO OLD…and I drive a mini van! *
I saw this sign driving the new van on the way home. You think he’ll live past the first week?
*the old comment comes from the ‘van morrison’ comment…not because i’m driving a mini van. If I were old, I would be driving a Jeep Grand Cherokee. this comment is for my sister who won’t be able to read this comment because the print is too small.
I started out looking for a picture of Crowley’s Castle. WHY? I don’t know.
Anyway, Shaun and I found this website where they have the reversed lyrics to Stairway to Heaven…interesting, but who knows.
The funniest thing was “Another one Bites the Dust” and “Hit Me Baby One More Time.”
Go and listen. You’ll enjoy the laugh.
Anyone know of any reversed lyrics?
I just love these things! I don’t like to eat them. I just like going into the store and seeing them there. It’s PEEPS SEASON! Sugary pink bunnies. The prettiest pink you ever see on a oddly shaped bunny abbitt. I bought two boxes because it’s the cutest thing hearing a house full of kids squeal, “PEEPS!”
besides, I won the ‘Best Mommy on a Monday Night’ award when I pulled them out. Go ahead, it’s worth the sugar rush and come down later.
Shaun and I were playing with Matty and Fuji the other night. I got a picture of him RIGHT as Matty’s flash went off.
I know the flash is really bright because I have a bunch of pictures of people RIGHT after I take the first picture and they are rubbing their eyes and moaning.
So this is what you would see if you were on the bad end of Matty.
The evil side of me has to laugh everytime I take a picture of someone. You can hear a part of their brain explode. It is some funny shit.
I might need to pay REAL close attention during this chapter.
I hope you didn’t expect a post that had some sort of structure today. Good, because i’m all scattered.
I went back to work today where EVERYONE was talking about ‘the flu’. It was like we all just got back from war and we had our war stories we had to share.
“I tried EVERYTHING and NOTHING was working!” you would hear. Then you would see about 18 other people nodding ‘yep’. It was bad. *hugs to MrsDoF* I really hope you get better soon! Really. Truly. I might even pray for you tonight!
Alright, i’ll end it after this ONE last thing…Shea borrowed the fuji tonight and went around taking pictures. Go check em out. It’s the world through the eyes of my six year old drama queen.
the cars are all clean.
he scratches and rubs my back while I’m blogging.
he gets me ice water.
OMG. I am dating my mom’s dream man!