• Random and Odd

    Proof!

    Dan called me the other day and sounded like hell.
    “What’s wrong?” I asked.
    “Bring me soup…please…I feel sick.”

    During my whole marriage he insisted that anytime I was ill, that it was all in my head. I try not to hold that against him after all these years, but it’s my first reaction to say, “Well you just need to think positive thoughts!”, I didn’t though. I ran to the store and got him low sodium chicken noodle soup and orange juice.

    I called him every four hours to remind him to take his medicine and each time he thanked me and hung up mid cough.

    Yesterday around noon I felt like I was hit by the sick bus.  I had officially gotten what that bastard ass had given me.  He called me on day 2 of his sick, which was about 5 hours into my sickness.
    “Bring me soda…if I drink anymore orange juice I’m going to hurl.”
    “F U, I got what you have!” I whined.
    “Oh god, I’m so sorry!” (a first, he never says he’s sorry)
    “ugh. go away.”

    Last night Shaun brought Dan some Sprite and I got a text message saying, “Tell Shaun thank you. He’s the best ex-wife’s new husband ever.”

    Today I got this message on my phone.  I wanted to keep it forever so when he gets better and is a dick again, I can remind him that I am the best ex-wife…EVER.

  • Random and Odd

    Remember; “I wish”?

    I wish for something, you comment back granting me that wish and then fuck it up and then ask for your own wish.

    Example:
    randomandodd: I wish I could get it together.
    you: GRANTED! but once you get it all together you realize it’s in boxes and on a U-haul to nowhere.  I wish I had a million dollars.
    someoneelse: GRANTED! but you have to give that million to your ex-wife. i wish…

    and so starts the cycle.

    SO let’s start with me.

    I wish my body didn’t look like I was pregnant with the Michelin Tire baby.

  • Random and Odd

    Quit Smoking — Take 1

    I started taking Chantix yesterday.  I read the pamphlet that came with the quit-smoking-pills and knew that I would probably have to deal with the side effects as they came.

    After the first pill kicked in, I got overwhelmingly tired.  One of the side effects mentioned I would be tired, but since I had been on Xanax (the king of tired pills) I figured it couldn’t be worse than that.  Wrong.  I had to drive home and when I got there I passed out on my bed using the uncomfortable pillow so I wouldn’t sleep too long.  The pillow is one of those cutsie ones you don’t really use because it has crisscross patterns and it just for decoration.  I woke up an hour later with waffle like marks indented in my face.
    The pamphlet also mentions ‘mood swings’, ‘mood changes’, ‘depression’ & ‘suicidal tendencies’.  As a woman, mood swings and changes come and go off and on all month long. Depression runs in the family and I had dealt with depression and suicidal tendencies after I had Shea. This would all be worth it if I could quit smoking.
    The rest of the day, I didn’t feel much different except that I felt sort of ‘blah’.
    By the end of the day I just wanted Shaun to hold me and make me feel something other than blank.

    Today is day two.  I took the pill early on in the day so I don’t pass out before I have to pick up the kids.  I decided to read some of the websites on the product I’m taking.  It looks like this is going to be an interesting ride for me. Hopefully I can exchange the tired feeling for the  hallucinations.

    Until then, don’t mind me…I’m just going to cuddle up with the waffle pillow and hope that I can get excited about something.

  • Random and Odd

    Crossroads

    I’m being told by the higher powers that I need to write one of those heart wrenching posts. I don’t really know if I have it in me, but since she wants to hear depressing…let’s talk about my first marriage. JUST KIDDING!

    Believe it or not, that book I said I was working on, is something still in the making. It’s HARD writing a book! No one told me it would be hard.  I already have the front cover designed though. Imagine with me if you will; Test Crash Dummy car and wall with the bullseye. The picture will be taken from the back seat and in the front will be one of the crash test dummies in a wedding gown.  Title, “You could learn a lot from this Dummy.”  What do you think? too much?

    Here is a small portion of a life long book I am writing:

    Many years ago I met this woman that was happily married to her best friend. She said to me one day that she would never fully trust a man. I thought that was absolutely the craziest thing I had ever heard, because her husband was the most devoted married man on the planet.  She told me, “You can never trust someone 100%.”
    I thought she might have had one to many shots of whiskey when she said it, so I brushed it off as drunken talk.
    During our friendship she would repeat this and I always tried to tell her, “Are you serious? Your husband is madly in love with you!”  Everything about their marriage screamed success.
    She would just smile and say, “I know. I just don’t trust 100%”.
    I wish I could go up to her now and kiss her on the mouth and say, “I WAS SO WRONG! TEACH ME!”
    I believed I could trust someone with every ounce of trust I had in me.  I had been in relationships where I didn’t trust someone. It was so obvious the game they were trying to pull. If anyone was an expert on seeing the game being played, it was me. Not only had I played the game, I also did some arm chair coaching.
    Funny how when someone pulls something over on you so wickedly that it makes you stop cold in your tracks and you have to either applaud or burst into flames.
    I found out what my response was when my boyfriend was playing a dangerous game with my trust.
    Ice cold. I turned into a statue. It felt like hours before I could move my fingers and when I finally did move, I burst into flames.

    This is just a very small part of the book, but it brings me back to the person I am now, after all these years of wearing flame retardant clothing.
    You would think after that run through the flames of untrust that I would be smart enough to not even come close to the fire again, but I did and I continue to.
    Being human is trusting people for years, telling them your secrets, letting them get to know who you really are, depending on that relationship and then getting hurt because of all of it.
    My question is; is it worth it?
    Of course it is. Right?
    That is where I am in my life right now. I don’t know who to trust anymore.  Being forgiving to a fault and not liking it when people can’t get along has been my downfall in the past.

    My therapist thinks it’s a good thing that I am finally allowing myself to cut people out of my life that are not healthy.  It’s sometimes sad seeing old pictures, watching videos and having those good memories of laughing and having a friend that knows you, has been there for you…but I guess what hurts worse is knowing all that time, that person didn’t really like the person you were.
    I’m not one of those people that are really good at remembering why I was mad at someone, but I do remember the hurt and pain of certain words and that is what I have to remember when I am confronted with a situation where I have to make a choice.

    I guess it’s okay not to trust 100%.  It just sounds so sad.

  • Random and Odd

    The 2009 Oscars

    Normally, I wouldn’t give a shit and I wouldn’t even watch it. BUT THIS IS A NEW YEAR. So I am going to see some of them and make my predictions…because I kicked ass on the people choice awards.

    The Academy Awards will be handed out on Feb. 22. Below, the complete list of nominees.

    ** to make an educated prediction, I would have to see all these movies before Feb 22nd. I have only seen the ones highlighted…so far.**

    The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (1/24/09- 3am LOVED IT!)
    The Dark Knight
    Iron Man
    Frost/Nixon
    Milk
    The Reader
    Slumdog Millionaire
    The Wrestler
    Rachel Getting Married
    Changeling
    Frozen River
    Doubt
    Tropic Thunder
    Revolutionary Road
    Happy-Go-Lucky
    In Bruges
    WALL-E
    Bolt
    Kung Fu Panda
    La Maison en Petits Cubes
    Lavatory — Lovestory
    Oktapodi
    Presto
    This Way Up
    The Duchess
    Australia
    The Betrayal
    Encounters at the End of the World
    The Garden
    Man on Wire
    Trouble the Water
    The Conscience of Nhem En
    The Final Inch
    Smile Pinki
    The Witness — From the Balcony of Room 306
    The Baader Meinhof Complex (Germany)
    The Class (France)
    Departures (Japan)
    Revanche (Austria)
    Waltz with Bashir (Israel)
    Auf der Strecke (On the Line)
    Manon on the Asphalt
    New Boy
    The Pig
    Spielzeugland (Toyland)
    Hellboy II: The Golden Army
    Defiance
    Wanted

    How many have you seen?

  • Random and Odd

    Confession #1

    I’ve never ate guacamole before.  The color turned me off.
    Honestly, it wasn’t that good.

    It being 2009, and 2009 being one son of bitch, I decided that I’m not going to let me stop doing what I promised to do. Be a better me and try new things.  This one of them.
    Honestly, it tasted like eww.

    Yes, I live in California and I hate guacamole. DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!

  • Random and Odd

    I reallllly do not like  it when people use the, “it was in God’s will” to excuse something horrible happening.

    It happened because of many reasons: someone was stupid, someone was smart, someone had it coming to them…ect. There is always an explanation for WHY something happened.  To try to make it BETTER by saying it was in GODS WILL.

    Whatever. Please…just write me out of God’s Will and I’m totally okay with that.

  • Random and Odd

    2009 just broke up.

    Yeah.

    My heart hurts and I want to drink Liquid Drano.

    At least 2008 gave me 6 months of blind joy before he brutally ripped my heart out.  2009 took me to the top of a building to show me the beautiful skyline and stars above. He was romantic and  hopeful.  Then he pushed me off of that building and I am currently still falling at a high rate of speed waiting to hit the ground.  All the while I am thinking, “This is a joke, right?”
    SOMEONE will open their window and see what is happening and be able to do something…right?  I actually caught the edge of a window frame last night and held on until this morning.   As I was dangling there, I was confronted by pigeons. I figured, ‘just let go…who wants to die by pigeons?’.

    It’s weird, as you falling off a building you think about really stupid things.
    “Who’s going to take care of the dogs?” “I have no control over who gets to go to my funeral! how unfair!” “I probably should have put on underwear.”

    This will actually be my last post for awhile. GoDaddy keeps asking me to renew my name…and I just haven’t done it yet. I think I might, I don’t know. I’m too busy hoping I can land on that leafy foliage beneath me, but have a feeling someone will rip it out and put in spiky, wrought iron fence before I actually hit.

    And happy Friday to all of you.

  • Random and Odd

    No, I won’t post a picture to prove it.

    Just imagine, if you will, this scene;
    Me and my girlfriend after a warm outting.  Stopped at the pastry place and got some cherry danishes. Walking out to the car, pastries being shoved into our mouths at a sickening speed.
    She unlocks the door to her car. I put my purse and bag on the floor and plop into the seat.  I was pretty certain that I might have sat on something, but wasn’t sure. I’m usually really good about not leaving things on her seats.
    I maneuver myself into the leather seat, but I’m sort of ‘stuck’ in one spot…and that spot is sort of…cold.
    “Nanc…I think I just blew my jeans out.”
    “What?”
    “My jeans, I think I just blew them out.”
    I get out of the seat and stand up so she can see what I am talking about.
    Now, it’s one of those moments where I wish I had a video camera trained on her face to capture the expression she had when she saw my right butt cheek hanging out of my pants.
    “OH. MY. GOD!”  Hysterical laughter following.
    I sit back down, look at the danish and decide that it should probably go right back into the container.
    The thought of my ass busting out of my favorite jeans shouldn’t have been as hysterical as it was, but that was some funny shit.  The timing was classic. Half eaten cherry danish in one hand, butt cheek hanging out.

    My new years resolution was making a point. LOUD AND CLEAR.

    “Oh, I should get a picture of THAT!”

    Uh. no. Funny, but not THAT funny.