• Random and Odd

    It’s offically MONDAY

    After a phone call from my mortgage company informing me YET AGAIN they have screwed up my loan modification, Shaun insisted that I wasn’t going to crawl under the covers and cry like a baby.

    It’s been four months of hell dealing with this company.  I started out indignant that I was right and they were wrong. Then the letters saying, “Yo, chick…we own you…bend over and take it and like it.”  I decided that I better just buy the bottle of KY and let it begin.  After fire and hoops we came to an agreement.  For the last month I have finally felt like things were on the right track.  I spoke the lady that was the head honcho in charge of the deal.  She said, “Whoops, we messed up. No worries, we will fix this.”
    I then get a call a few days later from another guy saying, “No way, Jose chicky poo. You gotsta pay us MORE now. You didn’t fill out the paper work and send it to us.”
    This is where I stop dead in my tracks and said, “Are you fucking kidding me? You have my testicles in your hands and all I have to do is sign a paper and mail it back and you’ll release the jewels and my house doesn’t get foreclosed on and you THINK FOR A SECOND I DIDN’T MAIL THAT SHIT BACK!?”
    The part about my testicles might have thrown him off a bit, but he checked the records and low and behold, I WAS RIGHT. I did mail it in.

    Now today I get YET ANOTHER CALL saying, “Yeah, well that didn’t go through because of an installment that wasn’t made.”

    Exqueeze me?

    I then had to go into great detail of all the fire and all the hoops I had to jump through for the last few months.  She tells me, “Yeah, that didn’t go through…we are going to need to do this all over again.”

    I couldn’t even cry.  I felt like I had been kicked over and over and it didn’t matter how much mental distress this company had caused me in the past few months…because they had me by the balls.  I know, I don’t have balls, but damn it, it sure feels like I do.
    They say, “Jump” and I say, “How High?” and no matter how high it is, it’s just not good enough.

    My stress level right now is through the roof.  How I managed to walk out of the house and find a smile for Shaun to take a picture of, is beyond me.

    Michelle sent me a necklace for my birthday, it says, “BREATHE”  I had to keep reminding myself to do just that today. And tomorrow when they call me back, I will have to remember it again.  And for all the phone calls they will keep making to me, BREATHE.

    Do they make a necklace that says, “Bend over, the mortgage company is calling” ?? I need one of those too.

  • Random and Odd

    Body Identity Confirmed

    The father of an Anderson High grad who was kidnapped in Iraq now knows for sure he will not see his son alive, but he says he will someday be reunited with his boy. The FBI now says there is no doubt Josh Munns is dead, more than a year after he was taken hostage with four other private security contractors in Iraq. Mark Munns, Josh’s father, got the call late Wednesday night. At first, he kept avoiding their calls, since he knew if he answered, all hope would be lost. He eventually took it and learned one of three bodies found in Iraq was Josh. One of Josh’s fellow captives, Paul Reuben of Minneapolis, was confirmed as a second victim. Tests are not finished on a third body. The remains of two others, John Young and Ronald Withrow, were identified on Sunday. He says that 16 months, the time Josh was missing, is not long enough to prepare a father for the crushing news. Mark and his wife are in Minnesota for a meeting with the families of the other hostages, which is set for Friday. Mark says that his dad and brother are starting to plan a funeral, but they do not know when Josh’s body will be returned to the family.  –kcra tv

    Mark, Josh’s father, was a very good friend of my brothers growing up.

    What’s not mentioned in this article is that Josh’s severed fingers were sent to the government.

    I can’t imagine the pain, frustration and hurt the friends and family.  Please pray for their strength as they wait for their son to be returned to them…if he is.

  • Random and Odd

    SPF: Numbers

    I’m still working on my project, but going through all the diaries I have is a daunting task.  The words I wrote are beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

    Today was a hard day for me. I spent most of the days on the verge of needing to cry and needing to scream.  As I dug through the piles of diaries in my closet and garage…I sat there and let it out. I cried.  The anxiety I had today was worse than I have had in a very long time. Against my wishes, I took a pill in hopes of being able to breath and stop my heart from pounding so hard.  As the pill worked his way through my system, the tears subsided and the need to crawl out of my skin slowly washed away.   Somewhere in my home, in a beige box, are words that say I am a bad parent.  Papers that were stamped with a court stamp.  Admittedly, I searched for that beige box.  God didn’t want me to find it tonight.

    I’m just not strong enough to read them and feel that hurt again.  The diaries will have to do.  I can find laughter in there. I can read firsts, my journey, the fear of not being good enough at anything.

    The ‘number’ for this SPF is 25.  Twenty five years of my life are in those books and the many others I have stashed somewhere.

    Did you play?

  • Random and Odd

    Long Drive Home…

    I love visiting my mom and sister. I hate the drive home. No matter who is with me or if I’m alone, I fall into this strange place between where I am now and where I was when I lost my mind.

    What song was on the radio, I don’t remember, but it triggered the thought of ‘who was there for me and who wasn’t there for me’. When I thought of all the people that turned their backs on me when I ‘lost my mind’ it made me start to cry. Just typing those words makes my throat start to constrict.

    When asked the question, “Do you hold grudges? Do you forgive?” I always say ‘yes’. I do too. I don’t like that weird feeling between me and another person if we aren’t getting along. I guess so much that I will forgive people for saying and doing things that aren’t acceptable. Sometimes without even confronting them about what they did to me. That is what I call ‘an elephant’ in the room. The thing is, the longer I go without saying anything, it’s less likely that I will actually approach the subject.

    It was an overall sad feeling I had, HAVE, and I know it’s far too late to broach the subject with the people that hurt me. I’m not going to go digging up old bones now. Those words that were said and written, hurt me then…and continue to hurt me.

    For those of you that know someone that is going through a hard patch in their lives, and you feel like they must be just ‘crazy’ or ‘losing their minds’ or ‘being stupid’…or just not doing what YOU think they should be — Leave Them Alone. If you don’t agree with their actions, there is no need for you to tell them that they are stupid, wrong, need help and give your advice YOU think they should do.
    If you know someone who’s going through one of the hardest things in the world; ending a marriage or relationship, please be there for them to talk. You don’t have to agree with them. If that is just too much for you, that you CAN’T just be there without putting in your two cents, just leave them alone to deal with their problems.

    There is no text book perfect way of leaving your husband. I had a friend once who went out and rented an apartment, furnished it and moved her husband out. She went to the store and got all the things he would need; blender, cooking utensils and all that. When he came home she handed him the keys and gave him the apartment number.
    Did he hurt any less? No, probably not.
    Mine wasn’t as clean. It was the typical movie storyline. A really bad movie storyline.
    Either way, it doesn’t matter how people go about ruining their lives, following their bliss, whatever you want to call it…they shouldn’t be judged.

    I’m guilty of being the judge too. Looking back, it makes me SICK of the way I judged people. SICK. People say that they don’t have regrets. I do. It’s those times when I thought I had the right to say, ‘that’s wrong and i’m better than that.’.

    Today I am sorting through all the emotions. I want to be angry and mad today about what happened to me. What I allowed other people to do to me. I want to hear, “You know what, I AM SORRY for what I said to you, what I wrote about you. It wasn’t true.”

    Because it wasn’t true.

  • Random and Odd

    Numbers…

    Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. I had the best birthday just hanging out the family. I wish I could spend more time here with Mom and Kathy, just ‘being’ here.

    I got to take TWO naps on my birthday! TWO NAPS. Unheard of.

    Us older girls got our hair done. We all look like runway models now. Okay, Kara and Marina look like runway models. I look like a soccer mom with really good hair. She cut even more off of it. I guess she was trying to even out the job I did with the Ikea kitchen scissors.

    SPF THIS WEEK:
    NUMBERS. It seems like everything lately revolves around numbers; age, dates, birthdays, weight, money, sizes…everything is a number.
    Here are a bunch of examples of NUMBERS in photography.
    Don’t forget to post this Friday’s assignment on your blog so your readers can get ready.

  • Random and Odd

    Happy Birthday Kristine!!!

    Shaun here-

    Yes, one day after Kara’s birthday, our favorite (OK, MY favorite blogger) celebrates her birthday. For her birthday this year, she got the greatest gift: She got to get away from me for a few nights! She’s been hinting. The subtle suitcase packing in the wee hours of the morning while the van warms up in the driveway, the pile of Dear Shaun letters under my pillow….I pick up on these sort of things. So when she said she wanted to go visit her mom and sister for a few days for her birthday, we threw an assortment of anti-depressants in a tic-tac container (what’s the point of not being depressed if your breath still stinks?) and off she went. Granted, she had to take the girls with her since I have to work in the coal mines all week…but still.

    So, for my beautiful bride, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. The stripper I ordered you was great. It was awkward having Apollo only dancing for me, Tyler, and the two dogs, though. The custom two-tier wedding cake shaped like a Nikon D300 was delicious.

    I love you VERY much, and hopefully you know how much I appreciate you every day. But today I’m saying it by messing with your blog header and blognapping for a day.

    I love you, and hope everyone takes a minute to tell you Happy Birthday!!! Give your mom and sis a hug for me. Gotta run, Apollo’s waiting to take me to dinner.

  • Random and Odd

    Happy Birthday Kara!

    It’s 3am right now. 15 years ago I was sleeping knowing that in a few hours I would be going to the hospital to have you.

    At 6 am, I got up left to meet you.

    kara seven days old

    You were born at 5:29 am. You weighed 7lbs 11 ounces. You were 18 inches long. You my dear, made me a mother.

    We spent many days with your Grandma, Grandpa and Auntie. You loved spending time with the woman you were name after…when she spoke you looked at her with such amazement. She didn’t speak, she sang her words to you.

    your namesake

    I can’t think of a stronger woman to name you after. When you were 9 months old, she passed away and became your guardian angel.

    first photo shot

    I couldn’t take you out of the house without people coming up and telling me how beautiful you were. You smiled at everyone and adored the attention.

    (nothing has changed)

    Kara Lynn at 2 years old

    As you got older, you became the center of my world. You altered between wanting to be on stage where ever you were, to sitting quietly by yourself and play alone.

    You were a lot like me. You created worlds of your own and was always happy no matter what was going on around you.

    KnK2

    Oh the trouble you would get into! You took a blue marker to my computer keyboard. At the time, keyboards weren’t cheap! I was SO angry with you. You didn’t understand why. You were just drawing.

    KARA AND KRISTINE

    As you got bigger and bigger, your antics got better. We would argue and butt heads about EVERYTHING. You questioned everything I asked of you.

    It was battle of the wills with you. Most of the time, you won.

    She was singing

    Then something happened for us. We finally realized that each one of us was going to be in each other’s lives for a very long time and we better get along. It was then that we relished in our differences and our strengths.

    I am still amazed at all that you can do. You never stop surprising me with your courage.

    Big eyes

    When it was just us 4, you stood with me and helped me keep my sanity. I would have expected the wisdom you had inside of you. You knew exactly when to hug me, hold me, let me be.

    Kara picking up on Chicks

    You could always make me smile.

    Ohana, Fall Style

    When our family got bigger, you took it all in stride. Welllllll, you did your best.

    You gave up a lot. You gave up some of my attention, some of your space, and some of your sanity.

    I know it is because you have the love of your father that you allowed Shaun into your heart as well.

    Watching you two makes me laugh.

    And then Benjamin came along and a new side of you came about. You claimed this baby boy as your very own. Your unconditional love for Benjamin makes me want to cry sometimes. You speak of him as if he’s your brother & your baby. You give up things that are fun for you to spend time with him because you know that time is so short.

    and you love me. You really love me.

    and Chuckie Cheese.

    chip n dale n girls

    and Chip and Dale.

    And smokey the bear.

    Kara & Mr. Pickles

    and Mr. Pickles.

    My children...SUPERHEROS!

    And Superheros.

    Kara and Gill

    and Aliens.

    She's NOT flipping off the camera.

    And Batman.

    Daffy gettin' some Luv!

    and Daffy Duck.

    She misses her brother when he's gone

    And your brother.

    I guess you can say, “YOU LOVE” a lot.

    another I would have deleted, but I cropped it all up and tried to fiddle with it.

    You’re beautiful Kara….

    Kara and her new Nikon D50

    You’re creative.

    Kara loves it more than he does.

    You’re daring.

    You are down to earth and REAL AS HELL! I love that about you. What you see, is what you get.

    Dorky, fun, giggling, emotional, dramatic, loving and a TRUE FRIEND to all the people that know you!

    80s party

    Thank you for being you, Kara. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. Thank you for allowing me to jack your hair to Jesus for a 80’s party. Thank you for looking just like me, but better.

    Thank you for being SO unlike me…being smarter, braver and more loving and understanding.

    I love you Kara. Happy 15th birthday.

  • Random and Odd

    Stuff Portrait Friday – Your Favorite Picture

    I’m going to have to get back in the habit of remembering to post Stuff Portrait Friday pictures.

    This week, this is my favorite picture.  For a lot of reasons.  This weekend my first born turns 15 years old.  Just typing that makes me get that tingle in my nose and knot in my throat.  Fifteen years old. Jesus, when did that happen?

    The picture above was taken when she was 9 months old. This was about a week before her great grandmother passed away.  If you were to tell me 14 years ago, the pain of losing my grandma wouldn’t hurt so bad, I wouldn’t have believed you.  It’s gotten better, but every year on Kara’s birthday, I remember her. She was named after my grandma Carolyn.  She was so happy that someone had named their baby after her.

    When Kara was a baby, I spent a lot of time up in Shingletown with my mom, dad and grandma. She got to spend time with her before she passed on.  It’s a reminder of how short life is and tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

    SPF: If this is your first time;  Go find your favorite picture. Post it on your blog. Give us a few sentences on why it’s your favorite. Ask who else played. Come back here and let me know you played. Check out everyone else’s pictures and leave a comment.  IT’S THAT EASY!

    Well…Did you play?

  • Random and Odd

    Why I shouldn’t be allowed to listen to music

    Jeremiah is a music lover. His favorite this week is “Highway to Hell” because of the drumming in the beginning. He waits for it, He waits for it, He waits for it…DRUMS!!   and then we start it over again.  I may have worn out the first 25 seconds of that song.

    As he was snoozing in the back, I went to pick up the girls. Kid Rock was the song choice for this trip.  I think I may have scared all the PTA moms.   Oh the glares.  I guess I could have turned it down, but whatever. If they didn’t like it, I could switch it over to Gin and Juice.

    When I dropped of ‘Cita’s daughter the washer repair guy told ‘Cita, “Your sister is in the driveway, rocking out.”

    At some point I am going to start embarrassing myself.

  • Random and Odd

    alrighty YOU WIN!!

    Back by popular demand…STUFF PORTRAIT FRIDAYS!!

    I’ve gotten many, many, many emails and online requests for the return of Stuff Portrait Friday. I am caving in.

    I’ll be easy on you this week:

    A favorite picture.

    After my laptop died, I lost all of my programs for editing and had to find some online ‘free’ ones.
    Here is my favorite ones to share with you:

    Picnik

    FotoFlexer

    Big Hug Labs

    FlauntR

    You know the rules…just post your picture on Friday and come back and tell me!