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My Itty Bitty Baby Girl
Okay, so she’s not so ‘itty bitty’ anymore.
She’s going to be (dare I even say it?) TWELVE this year. TWELVE. It was TWELVE years ago that I had my first baby. Is that possible?She stayed home sick today. I don’t know how sick she really was, but I didn’t take any chances. She looked all cute laying in my bed so I got out the new camera and took some pictures. I have found that I like it when the kids are not posing. She had been looking at the camera doing some pretty cute smiles, but when she finally got bored of me blinding her with the super sonic flash, she started watching TV and that’s when I got this picture of her.
Could she look any more beautiful?
Naw, I didn’t think so either.
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My Two Favorite G’mas
Add a little honey glaze and you could just eat them, they are SOO cute.
Let me introduce you to the two most adorable ladies you will ever know. I mean that, go ahead and try to beat the cuteness that is this pair.
It’s G’ma Billie and GG Mills.These two wonderful women are my boyfriend’s grandmas. I’m adopting them though. I’m going to scoop them up and put them in my pocket and keep them forever.
My boyfriend is lucky. I lost my grandma several years ago. She was a kick in the ass. The smartest woman I have ever known. I mean, REALLY smart…like talking to the TV smart. Yeah, only the geniuses do crazy things like that. **shh, i’m typing**
Turkey Day was good. It was thee first holiday that I have spent with anyone outside of my family. They made my mother feel very welcome and I thank them for that.
I can’t wait for a nice, loud & crazy Christmas eve with them.
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Yes, we are truly THAT bored
I don’t know what it is about watching the ‘washer channel’. I don’t know what it is about my kids coming in to watch me watch the washer.
“Whatcha doin?”
“Watching.”
“The clothes wash?”
“No, today it’s the floor mat from the car.”
“Smells funny.”
“It’s pretty dirty too.”
Then the conversation actually goes somewhere and we start talking about her day or something she has on her mind. All the while I listen and watch the crap in the washer get the shit washed out of them.It’s our time.
It’s like the Ronco Set it and Forget it Rotisere (someday I will actually look up how to spell that). I can’t help but watch that damn bird spin.
If you haven’t figured it out…I have a touch of the crazy.
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I have a problem
This is our collection of cameras.
I realize I have a problem. The first step is admitting it, right?
The first step of recovery…oh who the hell wants to recover from digital camera overload? NOT ME!The old & beat up Olympus is now Kara’s camera. It was mine and I loved it. Then I broke it. The camera above is the ex’s old camera. We gave it to Kara because it’s just not fair that Shea (the 6 year old) has her own digital camera and she didn’t.
The Kodak is Shea’s. It’s bigger than her face.
The Fugi is Shauns. I haven’t figured out the lame ass optical zoom on it so it sucks at taking pictures far away.
The other Olympus is mine. I’m bored with it and ready to move on to a bigger & better camera.
If you’re smart you’re thinking, “what did she take the picture with?” Well smarty pants, I also have a JVC digital video camera that takes pictures.
Yes, it’s a problem. I want a Nikon.
I have digital camera envy when I see other people’s digital camera. Not just camera’s that are better, but ALL cameras. I want ALL the cameras for myself! This is a sickness. -
a million years ago
This picture was taken a million years ago. Okay, it wasn’t a MILLION years ago, but it feels like it.
The longer I look at the picture, the more questions I ask myself.
1. Where are my kids?
2. Is that a smile on my face?
3. It almost looks like I am cracking up! am I laughing?
4. How ghetto is that motorcycle in the backyard?This was taken when I had a free weekend I actually did something other than laundry on that weekend.
It was taken when Lisa drank.
It was taken when Dale and I were friends.
It was taken when Zach and I spent more time together.I know I can’t go back. I don’t even think I would. Who wants to hang out with Dale and a drunk Lisa? Oh, who am I fooling, I WOULD!
I like Lisa better not drinking though. I like myself better now that Dale and I are no longer friends.It just looked like I was so happy. I was laughing.
I didn’t plan on posting this today. I had other things to talk about. Funny how this thing has a mind of it’s own.
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No Brawling at Arco Arena
Shaun and I got tickets to see the Kings play the Timberwolves last night.
We had some pretty sweet seats. They were the most distracting seats though. We sat right behind the sports writers tables. There were about 6 little TV’s RIGHT in front of us. Last night was the night that the Pacers & Pistons got into a brawl and it was ALL over ESPN…the station that the 6 tv’s were all on airing the Kings game. It was hard to watch the game and not want to watch the TV’s too.
My back was out so I had a glass of wine before we left, and a pain killer, and when I got there I spent half my paycheck on a Smirnoff Ice. It was pretty sweet Friday, in our pretty sweet seats. Of course, I might have actually still been in the car as drugged up as I was I wouldn’t have known the difference.
Now to the best part of Arco Arena (Outside of the King Players)
It’s not the mascot, Slamson, who strangely gives me the creeps. It’s not the really pretty Court Dancers that can’t throw a balled up T-Shirt to save their lives. It’s not even the really neat fans I got to sit next to and in front of.
It’s the Garlic Fries.
The whole place smells like Garlic Fries. I didn’t buy any. They might have sucked, but they smelled like heaven. I stopped and took a picture of the Garlic Fries and Shaun thought I had lost my mind. I figured if I couldn’t buy them, I was going to be able to at least look at them. I can also lick the screen when no one is looking.The Kings won. It turned out to be a really good night.
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Starting Her Early
Shea got a digital camera from her pawpaw because she called him one day and said,
“Paw Paw I need more pixwells and memo-wy for my camera.”He jumped on Ebay and bought her a camera just like his.
I had to put some rules on her use of this camera.1. DO NOT take this camera outside.
She has a million pictures of things inside our house, but if I didn’t have this rule then we would find her expensive gift on the lawn near the bike, scooter and Polly Pocket collection.2. Shut it off when you’re not using it.
My God, when did it get so expensive for AA batteries??3. No sneaking up on Mommy in the shower with the new camera.
-nuff said.She told me the other day that she needs a smaller camera to put in her purse. I told her I got her one of those then she would have to give me her old one. She raised her eyebrow at me and said, “Paw Paw said if you asked me to borrow my camera that I should say no. I don’t think he would let me give it to you.”
Brat.
.Good news: The new computer is smokin’ fast! I am tired as hell and wish I would have taken the day off work to sit in front of it and just hug the tower and kiss the monitor. I had to squeal with delight when I clicked on a program and it opened. It opened like THAT. I didn’t have to sweet talk it.
It has a DVD player too. I have a computer that has a DVD player. Me. The woman who FINALLY purged the old VHS movies and retired the VCR.Watch out people, I might actually be ready to get rid of the reel to reel machines and move up to a 8 track!
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Blue Screen of Death…
It’s happened again. The computer broke. I swear if I hear, “Kristine, can you look at the computer.” ONE MORE TIME.
Yeah. I can look at the computer. I look at it everyday.
“No, it’s broken.”
I hate those words. It’s never the simple, ‘…the internet isn’t working.’ or ‘…I can’t figure out how to get to this program.’
No, it’s always, “I turn it on and it does this weird thing and then this blue screen pops up with…”
The Blue Screen of Death. Say no more.
Well, I don’t even get the window…I get this cycling of trying to boot up.
This is something I should be able to fix seeing that I have my degree in this. I swear I feel like a chef that has NO idea how to make damned grilled cheese sandwhich.
I’ve finally decided it’s time to start ALL over. That means retiring the computer that has no case cover (it came in handy when I was going to school and had to research the innards of a computer….that and the 2nd fan went out and it got hot so with the lid off the case it seemed to not get as hot. I know, lazy ass Krisitne) and is slower than hell.
I’m going to, dare I say it?, UPGRADE.
Until then (then being tonight because my ass isn’t going without a computer for a day) I am blogging from work.Ouch.
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Sunday Dinner
As a thank you for helping them move, ‘Cita took us all out to dinner.
The total was 10 kids and 6 adults.
The picture is from Cold Stone after dinner. We took up every table inside the store and two outside.Sidenote: I chose this picture because I wanted to emphasize the reason why I need a new digital camera. That picture isn’t me trying to be all artistic, it’s that damn camera just decides to freak out and do this every 4th picture.
It was a great night. I love any night when I get to have my friends together. I’ll have more pictures over at my main site.The weekend was a good one too. I went to Bingo on Saturday night (didn’t win), but I did have fun with [name removed per request].
On Saturday Shaun had his football game (he won). The girls and I did a little bit of Christmas shopping and a little bit o’ shopping for us. Kara got a new purse that she’s probably going to blog about on her site: Kara’s Blog. The purse matches her shoes and she insisted that we get a picture of them. Shaun and I went shopping and then to the Tree to see my friend Ruka. She bought a new H2 (Hummer). It’s beautiful.
On Sunday we went to CompUSA to get me a USB expansion for the computer. I ended up getting that and some blank CD’s and cases. Shaun has never burned a CD before so he’s like a kid with a new toy. It’s interesting to hear the type of music he downloaded. I thought for sure I was going to have every single Matchbox 20 song downloaded and nothing else. He didn’t though, he downloaded some pretty good stuff.
It was a pretty darn good weekend. yay for that!
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Dr. Phil
I use to read. A LOT. I was really good at getting half way through the self help books. I swore the last one I was going to finish because it was going to be the answer to all my problems. Sorry Dr. Phil…I got to the part where I have to own up to my problems and write down some of things that was going to stop me from actually getting to the person I know I can be.
So what’s up with the picture? That’s me. That’s the person I have become. I have become the red flannel jammie bottoms, one green soft sock and one purple sock, hair in a ponytale and guilt for so many things on the shoulders. I tried to take a picture of the guilt, but it wouldn’t stay still.
Today is another day, just like yesterday…hopefully with less sleeping. Today I’m feeling guilt for the person that has walked into my life. I swore that I wouldn’t push this one out. I wouldn’t tell him, “Hey this is what you get, if you don’t like it, keep stepping.” he seemed different, and didn’t deserve the person that would only half try to make a difference in this relationship. I’ve done pretty good so far. Yesterday it crept up on me. That whole ‘past’ thing. The depression from hiding it for so long comes back to get me.
You usually get the warning when you meet me. “Hey, this is me, i’m totally messed up and I might hurt you and I might walk out when you least expect it. You might get this wonderfully loving woman one day and then she’s gone and the harder you try to get her back the further you’re going to push her away.”
I didn’t give Shaun that warning. I told him I would try. I would try to do the best I can. He deserved that.
I feel horrible because here I am again. It seems like when you’re trying to find that person that you know you can be, you stumble across the person that is the complete opposite that has been an ugly part of your life that you would like to forget.
I explained that ‘leaving out the cheese’ embodied and represented that ‘fork in the road’.
I looking at the cheese.I’ve mentioned to Shaun that I need to see a therapist. I think it would be cheaper to just scream until I can’t breath anymore.
Why is it when you mention a therapist to men, they just don’t see the big picture? How come one makes a joke and the other says I just need to get out.
A therapist people! Because I’m I feel like i’m broken! It’s not time to make jokes or tell me to get out. You would think that someone who has seen me here before and the damage I can do would say, “Oh, okay, let me see…the last time she mentioned needing to see a therapist and nobody took her seriously she destroyed her marriage. Another time she almost drove her car into oncoming traffic. Yeah, I think I might want to see what I can do to help.”
It’s not going to get that bad this time. I won’t let it. I have that mental picture that keeps me going. The girls in prom dresses. I don’t know why that was the one that saved me through the last time I was here. Hope. Hope. Hope.I don’t think anyone really understands how much those four letters mean to me.
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sidenote to the one and only dedicated reader of my blog: I’m okay. I’m a Seguin, I will get through this. I always do. just let me sit around in my mismatched socks and flannel bottoms until everything is alright again.