Can I just please move in…

to Starbucks!
I have been leaving early for work because the coffee maker/burr grinder is packed up and I need my coffee in the morning.  This morning they started serving Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
It’s been expressed every possible way, but the joy it brings me when they come out with Pumpkin Spice is beautiful. It’s like it doesn’t matter what life throws at me for the next 20 minutes because I am caught in a whirlwind of memories and expectations of the coming months.

The first sip today brought the biggest smile and car dance.  It’s almost fall, the most awesome time of the year. Halloween and Thanksgiving is around the corner. Browns and Reds will litter the ground and that cold wind will be swirling around.
I thought of decorating the house and making deep, rich stews for dinner.  My warm robe and his arms around me while we cuddle by the fire.
That was just the first sip.
The taste of the latte made me get excited for the first red cup of the year, which means Christmas is near and maybe if I wish hard enough it will snow. The trips to the snow last year and the smile we all got watching each other fly down the hill on our sleds.
My Christmas tree will be huge this year. My dinner will be small but tasty. I want to cook with cranberries now that I have done it a few times.
I will make turkey tarragon sandwiches with the leftovers.

I love this time of year…and Starbucks has found a way that can bring up so many wonderful memories and give me hope for the coming season.

My role as Alyx’s mom

My job as her mother:

1. Realize that even though she is so little, she is growing up into a little woman.
2. Remember that she only asks for help when she has reached her wits end.
3. Find and encourage the things she loves that brings her happiness and not push her into something she doesn’t want to do.
4. Always keep it in the back of my head that just because she has always been innocent, there will come a day when she rebels.

What I have done to fulfill my duties.:
1. I try to give her more freedom. It’s hard to grasp the fact that she is a responsible teenager and not 5 years old still. When she asks for more rope, I need to give it to her.
2. Surround myself with the things that will help her get what she needs, if she can’t get it from me. Put people in her life that can help her with Math homework (waving to Lester)
3. Skydiving is something that Kara and I love. Alyx and Shea love karate. Alyx loves rollercoasters, bumper cars, baby sitting, money, getting people to laugh.  These are the things I want the most for her, because she is so amazing when she is happy.
4. She looks innocent…SOOOOO innocent.  She’s always been a good girl, but SOMETIMES she will push it and I walk the fine line of calling her on it and letting it go.

She’s such a sweet girl. I am blessed.

My role as Kara’s Mom.

My job as her mother:

1. Make sure she’s happy all the while making sure she doesn’t take advantage of that first rule.
2. She has one request right now and I respect that and will do whatever it takes to make sure she gets what she wants.
3. Make sure I can curb her skydiving addiction while at the same time feeding it too.
4. Remind her that driving is a privilege and not a right.

What I have done to fulfill my duties.:

1. I listen to her. I support her. I give her space. I smother her. I ground her. I make sure she knows the rules and follows them.
2. I will bend over and snap if it makes her one wish come true.  If that means I ruin my credit beyond all measure, then so be it.
3. She begs to go skydiving. I remind her how many times she has been, how much it costs and promise ‘later’.  I know the addiction of stepping out of that plane, the rush of the canopy opening and the ache for the feel of the ground under my feet and I let her go every few months to remind her that there is nothing that she can’t do in this life. She is stronger than any 17 year I have ever known in my life.
4. I swore if she decided to skip class or even be late I take the keys away.

Next up…Alyx.

I likey!

I love it when I take something complicated and make it simple.
Today I took down the sidebars on the right of the page and expanded the area to which I can upload pictures and write.
I like that the picture is bigger than the ones below so you can see more detail.
I also like the bird.  It reminds me of a pair of Lucky earrings I found in Macy’s one day.  There are a few pieces of jewelery that I go visit there from time to time.
My friend John bought me the earrings for my birthday last year and they are my favorite earrings I own.
This layout is perfect for me right now.  Someone posted a quote the other day on Facebook and it got me to thinking about how we see the world and this one life we have.
I keep saying, “I can’t wait until…”
Waiting sucks. I’m thee worst waiter of all time.  When I want something, I want it yesterday…and hand delivered…with a smile.
In order to change that horrible trait about myself I have found there have been a few things I have been waiting for and I’m actually okay with it.
I want a pub table with 4 chairs.  I have visited this table and 4 chairs at the furniture store for nearly 3 years now.  I’m pretty sure my mind isn’t going to change about them so it’s time to get rid of my backassward country looking kitchen table and buy the pub set.
I want new dishes. I haven’t decided if I want red or this funky blue color.   This will happen soon as I am going to use the plates I have right now for target practice as soon as I go visit my dad.
I want a BBQ and fire pit.
These are the things I have been looking at for a year, but I have been saving my money for something else and thank God I did.
Things I will buy within the next 3 years: a rig with a 190, aad and reserve. (i want yellow, but not picky), a car that I can run the air conditioner in and still manage to go uphill at the same time,  stuff to start rock climbing (end of the 3 years).
Things I will buy others: The girls their her scuba lessons and a trip to Maui.

Not looking for too much in this life…just want to spend time with the girls before they leave me and start their own adventures.

8 days.

TAKEN BY DAD, originally uploaded by Random and Odd.

God will not give us more than we can handle.
What doesn’t kill us, will make us stronger.

I’m tired of God proving how freaking strong I am! I cried on the way home last night, “NO MORE! I can’t take anymore!”
For the love, I hope he was listening to me. It was to the point that if there had been an open church I would have hit my knees in the parking lot and slid into the church, hands in prayer.

The blessings in my life are my girls. That is really all I have left anymore is my girls.

We have gotten past the whole loss of the house and we are ready to be moving on. That house has way too many ghosts from our past.
Everything from that house, every person that was a part of our lives when we lived in that house is gone. Good Riddance to the drama, heartache and all the shit we put up with.

No looking back, little ones.

New Beginnings

What I get when I pick up Jeremiah from Daycare!! SO WORTH IT!, originally uploaded by Random and Odd.

“Home is where you can say anything you please, because nobody pays any attention to you anyway”

The ongoing battle to save my home from foreclosure is finally over. I would love to say that I won and the home I have lived in for 14 years and brought my children home from the hospital in is still ours, but I can’t.
For some people this is exactly what they wanted. For me, it isn’t.

The act of finding a new home to rent has been an interesting one. I have only a few requirements; must be in the kids school district. Must not have crazy rose patterned wallpaper from floor to ceiling in a room I would have to sleep in every night.
I found that house and after spending countless conversations with the landlord we were all excited. We signed papers and all that was needed was one more call in the morning to make sure everything was ok.
When I called the next morning, the landlord who had all but handed me the keys the last time I was there, said, “We are going to rent it to the other couple with the father in the military.”
I was heartbroken. This house was perfect for us.
This spurred me to fight my battle with the bank even harder and save every single penny I had to make sure that if it didn’t work out that I could afford to put a big ass deposit down on a apartment.

On Wednesday the bank and the haters finally won. I began calling that day. I found two houses, but the odds of getting them were stacked against me.
I filled out the applications and went to see them. The first one was pretty old. Since beggars can’t be choosers, I tried to see the bright side of the house.
The second house was perfect. Too perfect. I didn’t want to get my hopes up because if I did get this house, how would I not walk around it and not feel like a princess?

I got the second house!

Yes, I am bummed that I won’t be a homeowner anymore, but the truth of the matter is, it’s REALLY hard to be a homeowner when you don’t have someone there to help you with things. The last 9 years have been a joke with repair . Most of the time I would have to call my ex to come over and fix things. The sprinkler system was a comedy of errors and thankfully he got it figured out.
The air conditioner has a mind of its own. It is 17 years old and never been replaced. In it’s old age, it picks when it wants to work. Most of the time at 2am it will turn on, yet at the hottest part of the day it turns off and won’t come back on.
The dishwasher went on strike months ago. The door handle to the microwave fell off. I can’t read any of the dials on my oven. The hot water heater exploded last year.
I don’t even want to talk about the backyard.

For all this and so much more, I am happy to hand over the keys to the bank and say, “good luck. good luck to the new couple moving into heartbreak/divorce court, enjoy all this place has to offer…not just the things inside the house, but outside as well.”

I will have fond memories of the good times in the house. I don’t believe there will come a time when I miss it though.

Will I be able to forgive and forget the reasoning behind the loss of it? Probably never. There is a special place in Karma Hell and as it seems right now…Karma and I co-kickin’ it and it’s all good between us.
Karma decided to show me how she works the other day when the girls decided they wanted to see the first house we didn’t get, the house the landlord decided to go with other renters. It was vacant and up for sale.
“See, the renters they picked must have sucked or they were great renters, but the skeezy landlord decided to let them move in a few months later decided to sell the house.” Karma laughed.

I am going into this new beginning with open arms and a huge smile. I’m pretty sure I haven’t been this okay with how my life is turning out in a very long time.

Senior, Eighth Seventh

Senior, Eighth Seventh, originally uploaded by Random and Odd.

It just blows my mind that my baby girl is going into her senior year in high school.
She got up and drove to school today. She started driving last year, but this year it just seemed so surreal.

This was the first year that all of them were wearing makeup when they left the house.

*sigh* I hate this day more than any other day.

Had to…

Driving home Friday I had to do something I hate doing…I had to break check some bitch.

When driving my sweet ride, Penny, I have two options…Go up the hill or have air conditioning on. Both at the same time is not an option. Also, taking off from a dead stop takes a little time to get to a comfortable speed that all the drivers on the road can live with. Give me a minute, I’ll get there.

Here is my advice for those of you driving a car made in the last ten years; If you see a car that looks like it has a better chance if the driver should stick her foot at the door and try to push it to go faster, the paint color was only popular in the early 90’s and has a skydiving bumper sticker…your best bet is to not tailgate this person.  The rationing that is going on through through the driver of the car goes something like this, “Bitch, this car is disposable, I have enough insurance to cover nothing more than if I ding your car door opening mine, you’re in a Lexus SUV and if you slam in the back of me, YOU are the one that is going to be waiting for weeks for your car to get repaired at your own cost because you rear ended me and I am going to be driving a rental until I get a check from your insurance company. If you think I am afraid of the impact of my face to an airbag, you have never seen me land a parachute so BACK THE FUCK OFF!”

Just sayin’.

Facebook Friday…

Taken By Kara, originally uploaded by Random and Odd.

I decided to put up a few of my favorite posts from Facebook.

“The reflection of my car in a new Dodge Charger is depressing.”

” likes U. S. District Court Judge Vaughn Walker.”

“Which child of mine did their nails in the bathroom and left all the crap in there…with the nail polish remover lid off?!”

” It’s time to reconsider my friendships when I get IM’s that include restaurants with mechanical bulls and hay on the floor.”

” Fighting for space on the couch with a wiener…..dog.”

Mommy,

I’m not going to give up on you jumping out of a plane.  In order to get you to do this, I am going to get you to watch more and more videos.   This one, well, might not be for you…but I am going to do to you like I did to Lester and desensitize you to seeing people jump from planes.

Reasons WHY you’ll jump someday.

1. I promise that Ed will be strapped to your back.  Nuff said.

So now when you watch this video…don’t mind the cutaway of the main canopy at 1:49 into the video…that was a line twist gone bad and he did the right thing, no big thing…that is why we have reserves.
Second..don’t worry about having to jump off a the wing of the plane. I won’t make you do that. Only the best for my mommy…and to be honest, the thought of having to do that kinda makes me a wee bit shakey too!  You will go out the side of a twin engine otter.
Also, no worries, I won’t make you jump off a cliff.  Unless of course I take up BASE jumping and think you’ll like it.

So with that said, Watch this Video  (No, Ed isn’t in it, but still watch it!)