I’m so easy…

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

It’s the first official day of Spring Break for my kids.  This is the time where I get them to clean the living hell out of the house and their rooms. It’s also the time when I get the boys in the backyard to weed.

Dan came over to drop off the girls after karate.  Knowing he had a date this weekend I offered up a deal.
“If you fix he faucet in the front yard, I’ll give you a hair cut.”

Deal made.  I cut his hair and he went off to Home Depot.

Shaun was in the back yard weed eating and Tyler was pulling down the vines that have taken over our front yard.

I had Kara cleaning the kitchen and the little ones folding laundry.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, the spring in my step is a plenty!!  I walked around with a bottle of bleach and cleaned the hell out of every surface we own.  I would have sang a chirpy little tune if I knew the birds would fly in and sing with me.

Now, with the house clean and all the chores done it’s time to start farming out the kids.

I am waiting for the first ‘Mom, can I go to blah-blah-blah’s house?”

I will say, “OF COURSE YOU CAN! PACK A BAG AND STAY A COUPLE OF DAYS!”

SPF: BEHIND

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Okay, this is my SPF for “BEHIND”.
Shaun and I went on our first date in months. We were so behind on our ‘weekly dates’.
Also, the bonus part…No One was BEHIND the camera.

I showered.

DID YOU PLAY?

Random and Odd Confessional

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

I watch Family Guy. That show is friggin’ hysterical.

The last one I watched was the one where Peter (The Dad) goes to the doctor to get a flu shot and the doctor informs him that they are saving the flu shots for the elderly and young.  Peter then ‘falls’ on the needle and one of the old people standing there yells, “You’re a monster!” and he said, “No, you know what was a monster? FRAMPTON COMES ALIVE! 1976. Do you know ANYONE that didn’t have that album?!”

I’m admitting I was only 4 years old when that album came out, but I remember that album in our house and my sister playing it over and over.  IT WAS A MONSTER!

Name 3 albums you remember from your youth.

1. Foreigner – 4 – 1981
2. Boston  –  Self Titled  1976
3. The Cars – Self Titled  1978

The first album I bought on my own was Eddie Murphy’s album that had the song, “Boogie In Your Butt” on it.

Now that my friends…is a confessional.

Why?

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Why is that when the one year old is sitting on the bed with me and he has the Tivo remote high above his head and is pretending to be an orchestrator to the theme song of “Jakers” do I just sit there?

I know what is coming next. It’s always one of two things; He will smack me right in the face with the remote or he will end the song with a skull crushing head butt to my eyebrow.

I have fast reflexes and I am a relatively smart person.  Why do I only SQUINT when I see it coming? Like the fact that my eyes are closed and I have the look of pain on my face before the blow actually lands is going to lessen the pain?

Of course, this is also coming from the same person that has almost nearly knocked herself out with the house phone just by answering it.

PEOPLE. PEOPLE. PEOPLE!

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Why are you allowing me to sit here and do nothing?  I have not showered. I have not paid my PG&E bill. I have not found my bedroom floor. I have not returned phone calls.

I AM BLAMING ALL OF THIS ON YOU!

No, it’s my fault. I realize this. I have Flickr on my desktop and I am addicted to it. I also have become more addicted to MySpace than I care to admit. (if you have tried to add me because you’re a genius and figured out how to find me –sidenote, it’s not difficult…it’s just randomandodd –end sidenote — and I didn’t add you it’s because I had no idea who you were, send me a message and let me know you’re my reader and I will add you)

Okay, Okay, Okay…the real reason behind this post.  My Site Tracker. FREAKING ME OUT.  Stop it. You’re just screwing with me huh?
Who are the people that keep coming to my site via a yahoo or google search for randomandodd ?  WHO? WHO ARE YOU?  I mean, it’s not that difficult to remember my site name, if you can go to yahoo or google everyday to type it in there, just throw a dot com at the end and Whammo…here I am.  Bookmark me?
There is a reason behind going through yahoo to find me?
FUH-REAKING me out.

And really, all you people really coming here?  Do you not shower and pay bills either?

I am not alone. I know I’m not.  My bra is going on strike.  Either I wash it or have it surgically attached to my body.
Either my feet are now becoming webbed or I have WAY TOO much lint caught between my toes because I HAVE NOT SHOWERED.

Someone? Anyone? Can you Please just give me a reason to take a shower?  I’m just going to get dirty again.

Oh the screaming…

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

By looking at this picture you would never know the power this kid punches when he screams.  I went into small detail about the screaming the child can get to, but unless you have actually HEARD the scream, you have no idea.
You think your child can scream.  You THINK your child can scream.  I’m sorry internet, your kid can ‘cry’ and ‘get upset’ and probably raise his or her ‘cry’ to a level that you think would shatter glass…but this kid…SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER.

The scream doesn’t start off a mellow whine.  Nope, he goes straight to the ear piercing squeal and then it holds long enough to sound like he is being babysat by Edward Sissorhands.
Being the wife of Shaun-of-the-Dead-Baland, I have seen horror movies. This kid screams louder than all the women being attacked in the shower with a knife.

Now if you acknowledge the screaming by picking him up then that reinforces the habit of him screaming like that.  I have to listen to him scream as if he just realized that life does NOT revolve around him.  The tears that come with this terror scream are real too. POURING from his eyes.
An innocent bystander to all of this screaming would think I am thee worst person that ever lived.  How can the woman not just stop and pick up the poor child that is CLEARLY TERRIFIED OF SOMETHING!

He’s not terrified of anything.  The kid is a drama king. As soon as you pick him up, he smiles at you and makes a cute, bubbly sound and wipes his snotty nose and tear stained face all over you shoulder.  It’s endearing.

Today is a screaming day.  He knows I am feeling better and he is giving it to me at full force.  I am having to battle him on EVERYTHING.

It’s been a long time since I have had to take care of a baby. It’s been NEVER since I have dealt with a child that screams like this.

I’ve also never had a boy.

Is his Pee-Pee falling off and that is why he’s screaming like that?  That is the only logical reason any boy should scream that loud.

Remind me to tell you about how I changed the spelling of my name in High School.

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

*yawn*

I’m so out of shape.

I have been rotating ice and heat on my upper thighs to relieve the pain.  Sitting is great. Standing is fine. It’s the in between of each that makes me sound and feel like a 88 year old man.
The first time I sat down to go pee my legs gave out mid way down and I fell INTO the toilet.  The second attempt of going to the bathroom required me to use a stool, yoga ball and my robe strap.  It didn’t work and I went crashing into the toilet mid way down.   The embarrassment of asking my husband to hoist me down to the toilet is beyond words.  I found that if I just fall off the toilet when getting off works better than trying to pull myself up.

This weekend was okay, I had help with the baby.  Today was the first day that it was just him and I.  He was going easy on me until he found that if he crawled up on my lap that Auntie Koo-Koo made funny noises and her face would contort into positions that would make him giggle.  The little bastard found a new game he likes too, it’s called clapping and then slamming his head into my lap.  I put the laptop on top of my legs to protect me and he figured it would be a good drum he could slam with his hand and dig the battery right into my throbbing legs.

It’s getting easier to lower myself and get up.  I realized that the next wedding I am shooting I am going to wear comfortable shoes, not jump up and down from a chair to get pictures and certainly not insisting on dancing with the old man in the corner who looks like he hadn’t danced in years…because he could dance. And spin. And dip.  I can’t blame the pain on Gwen Stephani. This is all my fault.  The vicoden gave me a false sense of security in my active duties for the evening.  Or it might have been the apple martinis.  The fun weddings always hurt the worse.

On the way to the wedding I called my mom. I told her I knew my father would forget to call.  He did. My brother who is closest to him called me and told me not to let it get to me because he even forgets my brother’s birthday.
SORRY. Not getting off that easy. He forgot to call his daughter AND his grand-daughter on her birthday…FOR YEARS. Shaun’s parents ALWAYS remember to give her a call, a card and a gift. SHAUN’S PARENTS!  Not Dan’s mom and step dad. Not his Dad and step mom.  MY NEW HUSBAND’S PARENTS!
My mother and sister always send cards and gifts and call her to make her feel special.
My dad, the man who I called ‘Daddy’ for twenty something years…didn’t call me. Didn’t call his grand-daughter.
Which made me decide. Fuck that shit. He’s buying her a Nikon D50 for high school.  She took photography for all her electives for her whole duration of high school.

A bit harsh, but screw it.

Oh, that reminds me…SPF for next Friday:  BEHIND

(don’t ask…)

4th attempt at this post…

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Yesterday while laying in bed with a heating pad on my legs I wrote and wrote and wrote.  I then deleted, deleted, deleted.

Each post was worthy of posting, but I can’t seem to express my gratitude for the birthday you gave me with words.  I decided that perhaps I should try it with interpretive dance, but because I managed to fry what little muscles I have in my legs, I will have to wait for my video of my dance of gratitude.

Some people think that blogging is easy.  I never realized how hard it was until I tried to write a thank you post to all my readers.  Not just the ones that sent in things or wished me a happy birthday, but to the many people that email me and say, “I never comment, but I read…and you make a difference.”
I like to think that my readers consist of how many comments I get that day. If I get 4 comments then that is how many people read that day.
I reinstalled a site meter on my blog after not having one for a year.  Site meters freak me out.  I don’t really like knowing how many people actually visit this site because I know that not everyone is a ‘happy, shiny person’.  I’m sure some people just come to read about boob hair and hawk my bootie.
I remembered why I deleted my last site meter.  There was a trackback link to a woman who linked to my site that said, “THIS MAKES ME SICK!”  and it was a post about something cutsie Shaun had said.  It wasn’t the any of the posts where I talk about beating my children. It wasn’t one where I am on the edge of snapping into two with anxiety and begging for help.  Nope, it was something GOOD.  It pissed me off and I thought, “Screw it, I don’t want to know what people are saying about me.”

I have gotten so many emails that have just made this whole thing worth it.  I have saved them all and they sit in my ‘Keep’ folder and when I get depressed, I go back and read them.  I then email that person to let them know that the email that they took 3 minutes to write and say something nice STILL makes a positive effect on me even after 2 years.

This birthday was like…like…I don’t know, I guess I would have to say it would be like getting a nomination for the Bloggie Awards or something.  I want to hold up my mouse, clutch it to my chest and yell, “You like me! You really! really! like me!!”

Sheryl, sent me flowers that took my breath away. MRTL tricked me with a box that said “Igloos R us” and inside was Gingerbread massage oil because she knows my joy of Gingerbread.  I, of course, made a cup of coffee this morning and decided that the Gingerbread massage oil has a better chance of getting any use if I put it in my coffee. It tastes wonderful with a bit of Splenda.
Shelley made me a rosary, even though I’m not catholic.  It’s more of an anxiety rosary that I can use to calm myself during an attack.
OH the cards I got! Thank you!! You guys all made me laugh!
My sister sent me a card that made me cry.

Blogging isn’t easy. It’s a blessing for those of us that can sit down almost everyday and share a part of our lives with other people.

Now, Shaun.  For those of you that don’t think he’s real…well, he is.  He amazes me every single day with the amount of love he has.
On my birthday he managed to smuggle 35 balloons into our room.  He bought me the most beautiful outfit.  He put all this together on my blog.
After the long wedding, he came home and dealt with drama here at home.
I grabbed Tabitha and we headed out to celebrate the last hour of my birthday with my best friend, ‘Cita.  When we got home, Shaun was in the living room cuddled with the baby.   He is the definition of ‘unconditional love’.  Anyone who is lucky enough to have him in their life is blessed.

The baby is now screaming because PBS (Parent’s Baby Sitter) is showing a program that Jeremiah doesn’t like so I have to log off and play blocks or let him pull all my  hair out.
I promise to upload new pictures as soon as I can feel my thighs again.  That belly dancer at the wedding had me climbing up and down on chairs all night.  Oh, and don’t ask about Tyler’s Junior Prom.   Poor guy. Poor, poor guy.

Last but not least, don’t take vicoden on an empty stomach.  It makes you want to barf and will make you think your camera strap is trying to strangle you.

*bow*

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Shaun here. So you’re 35 years old. When you factor in five kids, two dogs, me, and the ex and the baby in the house, you’re medically about 117 years old. Which means you’re doing damn good for your age! Everyone here loves you, and if they say otherwise I’ll either delete or edit their message until they love you. While everyone else gets the e-Kristine, I get the real thing. I get the weird, crazy woman that everyone else only reads about. And for those of you who’ve never met Kristine, she’s just as great, caring, beautiful, and funny in person as she is here on RAO. Honey, you’re the realest person I’ve ever met, and you make me laugh every day. Thank you for everything, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Here are a few birthday wishes from your friends. Others have sent gifts, cards, or e-mails. Thank you SOOOO much for everyone who contributed to this. If you didn’t know, its because I didn’t have your e-mail address, so I’m sorry. Please send a reply with any birthday wishes you want to add!!!

Also want to throw in a happy rainbow birthday to RSG!!!! Your video will be on the way ;)

These are from MRTL…..pretty accurate Yahoo avatars, huh?


Kami has a video, but it won’t load for some reason. Probably too much nudity. But please send it again, Kami. Maybe Kristine can figure out how to embed it right.

Thanks again, and please comment!!!!!



SPF: TWO…& Happy Birthday Kara

Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

I had many ideas for “Two”.

1. I could have posted a picture of Jeremiah and I who are the two people in the house that have ear infections.
2. I could have posted the picture of the two huge ass pills I had to take to get rid of the sinus infection I have.
3. I could have posted the picture of how many people it takes to figure out much medicine to give Jeremiah. (hee hee)
4. I could have posted an adorable picture of me at two where I have my dress pulled up and my coochie out there for the whole world to see.
5. I could have posted a picture of …. Well, there is lots of ‘Twos’ I could have picked from.

Because it’s Kara’s birthday and she’s an Aries, we should make this post all about her.

Dear Kara,
You’re the biggest pain in the ass right now, but I love you so very much. You have always been my bestest friend in the whole wide world.
You know that Otter Pops make everything all better.
You’re brave and smart.
You’re silly and beautiful.
I love you. I can’t believe that little girl up there is turning 14 today. TODAY. TODAY you are 14 years old. That’s a whole year older than you were yesterday.
When you were two years old you couldn’t pronounce the letter “W”. You called it “Double Dew.”
You have always been a daddy’s girl, but you have grown closer to me through out the years.
I remember a phone call to your Auntie Kathy when I said, “I am never having another child. This one hates me.” and she told me, dead serious, “That is why I am never having another one either.”

You don’t hate me anymore. You love me and I love you too.

Please bear with our lives for awhile okay sweetie? Things will get better and we can crawl back into bed and watch Medium and Ghost Whisperer together.

Happy Fourteenth Birthday, Kara Lynn.

DID YOU PLAY?