promises…

I was bartering with God on the way home from work today.
“Dear God, please just allow me to jump out of a plane…say…10 more times and I swear when I look up at the sky, I will give thanks and think of heaven and not “oh today I bet they are getting in at least 20 loads in!” and if you allow me the ability to jump just ten more times I swear when I am driving through your beautiful land I will not look around for a clearing and think, “I can land there!”. Just ten more jumps and the next time I’m on a commercial flight I will not try to figure out what altitude we are at and think, “If someone would just open the door”  Please, just ten more jumps and I will even start reading the bible again!”

I hope he was listening.

It’s been too long since I have put on my gear and headed to altitude. It’s been too long that I have stood at that door, the deafening sound of the wind circling through the plane and jumped out into space. It’s been just too damn long.
I’m starting to understand what people that have a drug addiction feel like.
Every single night while laying in bed, I can feel my hands gripping the side of the plane…I can feel the air as it whips at me and wants me to let go.  Do I realize I am standing on the outside of a plane? Do I realize that I am nearly 2 miles above the earth? No. All I feel is wind circling around me, taunting me to play.
Dear Lord, just ten more jumps and I know that everything in my life will fall away and nothing else will matter. In ten jumps I will be surrounded by true friends reaching out to dock with me, grip my hands and smile a REAL smile, a “We have been waiting for this, this is ours, no one in the world can EVER take this away, Kristine…NO ONE.”

Just ten more jumps, God.  I promise after 10 more jumps I will be okay.

and I know after that ten…it will be ten more. I will keep my promise though.  Deal?