Today marks a week that the bottom fell out of my world.
Most days, up until yesterday, I have a few hours of ‘alright’ and a half hour of ‘sucks ass’ and five minutes of ‘okay’ and then the roller coaster starts back up at the top.
Yesterday it was more like this — Shit, Fan, Shit, Fan, Shit, Fan, Shit, Fan….
Today I was mostly a walking zombie. The only thing that reminded me that I was still alive was the fact that I was about to throw up my Special K cereal and my violently shaking hands. It’s now 9:30 pm and the shaking hands finally subsided, but the cereal hasn’t decided its fate yet.
Driving home from work I made the sorry mistake of going the ‘back route’ to avoid seeing the building that my husband works in. I ended up in the middle of nowhere in some strange community.
Note to self: Buck up and take the damn freeway!
I figured out a few more things on the painful drive home. Music still sucks.
The first thing I did was change the channel to some unfamiliar music. Jazz. It lasted one song before I felt like Kenny G was beating the hell out of me with his sax.
Next was the christian channel. I changed the “Hims” or “Hes” to reference Matthew Mcconaughey. Then realized that I now hate Matthew Mcconaughey because…well, I don’t need a reason…I just did.
Strolling down the dial I found a station that I can listen to without fear of hearing any lyrics that will tap in the well of emotions.
Latin Hip Hop with a Techo edge.
It being so close to May 5th, the commercials were rather entertaining. MUCHO MUCHO MOOOOCHO! Everything is really big in the spanish/latin community huh?
Or that was the only word other than Tequila that I understood.
I can handle that. Driving home from work won’t be so hard tomorrow. Freeway and the Spanish Version of Moby and the Jonas Brothers.
21 responses to “….”
Oh <3. I’m sorry things suck ass right now. :(
Sending you a big hug! And another for today’s trip home too!
Sending lot’s of extra Big Big Hug’s and lot’s of Love your way…..
I’m sending hugs, too, and also wish I could send you a GPS so you can avoid the freeway without getting lost. Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill is pretty good listening when you get go the angry days. So sorry to see you go through all this, Kristine. I have been reading for a long time and having been there myself. My heart just hurts for you.
Two Words… TALK RADIO.
I know I know… but it works…really! Sports talk radio is even better sometimes…it doesn’t put you to sleep and it’s entertaining listening to men fight like little babies over sports.
(shrugs) it works for me!
Take Care lady. ((hugs))
I’m with Tracy…. Find some snarky talk radio DJs that you can stand. If nothing else, you can just make fun of them!!
No, no talk radio. That would really be depressing. Look at this time as an opportunity to learn Spanish.
(((((Kristine)))))
Perhaps your readers would be willing to put together playlists for your iPod.
Feel like company while grieving? We’ll give you our best break up songs.
Feel like wading through nostalgia? We’ll give you some bad (great) 80s songs.
Need some get up and go? We’ll give you a fab shake your booty playlist.
I can give you playlists for all of these and for:
Guilty Pleasures
Ultimate Sing Along
Disco
Flower Power
Gigantic Ballads
Girl Anthems
Let me know. :-)
P.S. Would you please let me know what kind of iPod you have (e.g., model and generation, etc.)?
Kristine if you keep with your sense of humor there is nothing you can’t do. I think the Spanish Jonas Brothers is just what you need. When you hit the anger stage, I’ve got a ton of songs I could recommend!!! LOL
Hi Ladycakes
Just wanted to tell you I was thinking of you.
And reading your post again, I just had an idea – I want to send you a mixed CD!!!
I listen to talk radio. I like hearing other people problems. Tom lykis is good and Dr. Laura is a miss know it all. I don’t agree with her much.
Love you that is all I have to say
Hi Kristine,
Sorry you are going thru this. I’m divorced, mom of 3, one of them autistic. I sing oldies at the top of my longs with volume at a very large decibel to stop my from thinking while I commute to work. Yes, I look like a nut. Yes, it keeps me sane. Find some music that works for you and sing away the world in the car. It works!
Hang in there, baby. You will rise to the top because you are talented, smart and kept me sane with your blog thru my divorce. You can do this!
Mary Ellen
Same as above……I’ve followed you through my divorce. I just wish I could express myself as eloquently as you. I have no words to express that I know exactly where you are. This too shall pass. So they say….
You are a beautiful person and a wonderful mom. You will get through this. We all will.
Repeat after me.
Vodka cures all
Vodka cures all
Vodka cures all! and you know………
at least you have your limbs!
I view your blog periodically for happy stuff. I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. Thinking of you and all involved.
Hugs.
Hugs.
Motherfucking hugs.
I hate this..I don’t wanna accept it.
I met you, I met him, I met your beautiful kids.
Hugs.
Hugs.
Hugs.
You know what STILL works for me on these days? Do you? Noooooo Not color crayons and Prego! Go buy Guns n Roses Appetite for Distruction! Still to this day, if I am angry and pissed off it still works. Who cares if you are driving down the street head banging and beating up the steering wheel! You’re in Sacramento, nobody will notice! Of course that could be why my neck is partially fused, have arthritis and muscle spasms! lol but who cares. Just know little one, you are much loved by a lot, I mean A LOT of people.
Hi Kristine,
You don’t know me, I’m a friend of Kami’s and have been reading your blog for a few years now. How can I say I’m SO sorry without sounding cliche? I feel for all of you and hope all of you will come into a calm place where love still exists and everyone can get on with their lives peacefully. I think you are not only a beautiful person, but have a beautiful family, and from that, hope springs eternal. I wish all of you the very best. Again, I’m so sorry.
I think the spanish version is a very good idea. I wish I would have thought of that.
I will never understand why music fucks with ones head so much. There are still songs I hate and can not listen to!