The Concert, revisited.

I mentioned that I has taken the girls to a Jonas Brother concert and implied that it was HELL.

I would like to retract that statement. The concert was actually VERY good, awesome in fact. Better than some concerts I have paid a lot of money to see. They are clearly very talented kids that without any instruments except the acoustic guitar managed to awe me. Of course, I liked NKOTB, so don’t listen to me.

The part of the concert that was hell was everything NOT pertaining to the music. We got to the fairgrounds and made sure the kids had good position near the stage so the two little ones could see. Shaun and I then walked around, surveying which BBQ stand and Strawberry Desert we would sample. It was the “Strawberry Festival” and of course we would walk in and be surrounded by people handing out all kinds of Strawberry goodness. Yeah, right. It was a glorified county fair with a big strawberry title that would appeal to the hearts of people like me, who would whore themselves on the street for a fresh strawberry funnel cake.

After realizing that the only really good part of this ‘strawberry festival’ was the wiener dog races, we made our way back to the stage to check on the girls. They have been shoved back and the two little ones can’t see. Shaun now has to spend the next 45 minutes taking turns on holding the girls up so they can watch the concert.

Feeling bad for Alyx who liked the Jonas Brothers long before they hit it big (yeah, my kid knew them when they were underground) so I bought her a poster to get signed.
What I had not realized was the chaos that would ensue after the concert was over and how GROWN ADULTS would act like friggin’ idiots and stampede other children so their children could get a autograph.

We were at the front of the line. I had Alyx holding one hand, Shea holding the other, and my camera around my neck. I had battled the war to get them to this point in the line and now it was time for the girl to get to see their hero.
That was when the security guy said, “Who has the merchandise to be signed?”
I tell him my daughter did. She held up her poster proudly to show him.
“Okay, she can go in. You can’t bring that camera in here.”
I am stunned.
“Fine, I will hand it to the other security guard and come back for it.” I didn’t care, I wasn’t going to let Alyx go back behind the stage without me.
“Ma’am” he sounds pissed. “That girl can’t come in either because she doesn’t have merchandise to be signed.”

So now I’m standing there with Alyx waiting to go in and meet her idols and another daughter holding my hand, looking at me for answers.
There is NO way my daughter is going in there without her sister and CERTAINLY not without me to supervise her. I’m caught in hell.
“Sir, you don’t understand…these are my daughters and I am NOT going to leave one out here ALONE. I am also not letting the other one go in ALONE.”
I’m starting to get freaked out because this guy is being an ass and won’t let me come in. Then he puts his hand on Alyx’s shoulder and sort of leads her into the back. Now Alyx is heading back behind the stage into the parental unknown thinking i’m right behind her.
I thought he had realized where I was coming from and was going to allow us in so I move forward. He then tells me, “You need to go around to the exit to retrieve your daughter after she gets her poster signed.
“OH MY GOD!” I am fuh-reaking out. “My TEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS IN THERE AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO IN? HELL NO!”
I am all fired up.
The asshole security guard is serious about not letting me and Shea in. “Ma’am you’re not listening to me, You need to go around to get her.” He then shows me the most direct route to go.
It was at that point that my legs went to rubber and I stopped breathing.
I decided that there was NO way I was going to make it through that crush of people and would do something totally out of my nature.
We were going to find another way in. If I had to throw Shea over the fence to get her sister out safely, that was what I would do.

It was about then that a pimply faced security guard saw me stomping off to the back of the fenced off area. “Ma’am!!”

Then I snapped. “I. AM. GOING. TO. GET. MY. DAUGHTER!” He stopped mid-stride. I found Shaun near the back and handed him my camera, I might have actually shoved it in his chest while yelling “THIS IS SO FUCKED UP!”

Poor Shea. She was just holding on for dear life as I drug her along the fence to find an opening. Finally we get to the exit part and I start going off on the security guard that is blocking the other side, “THEY WON’T LET ME GO IN! MY DAUGHTER IS IN THERE! SHE IS ONLY TEN YEARS OLD! SHE IS ALONE BACK THERE!!!”
This security guard could care less either. It seems that it’s alright for children of any age to be sent in an unknown area and deny the parent to come in.
“LET ME IN! MY DAUGHTER IS BACK THERE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IN GOING ON!”
They ask me what she is wearing and that they will go and find her.

You could have asked me what my name was at that level of freaking out and I wouldn’t be able to tell you. “I DON’T KNOW!”

Then they ask me what she looks like and Shea seeing my distress says with tears streaming down her face, “She wooks just wike me.”

Right about now, Alyx comes walking out and I want to pick her up and swing her around and tell her to NEVER to leave my site until she’s 33.

And now that I know she’s safe…I am fixin’ to go the hell off on the first person that has the nerve to get into my face. It happens to be an older guy with a ‘backstage pass’. He’s walking towards me with a purpose and I don’t even let him start talking before I go off. “I’m sorry, but that was SO FUCKED UP!” He is doing the nice, patting of the arm, let’s all just take a moment and calm down. He’s going to kick us out of the fair because I snuck around the back of the stage and was making a rukus. I just know it.

Just a note; When I freak out…and I mean REALLY freak out…I look like Mister Furley from Three’s Company right before he hyperventilates.

Instead of throwing us out, he informs me that he saw everything that happened and he’s REALLY sorry.
I’m not ready for sorry yet, I’m ready to get my two cents in there, LOUDLY.

“The boys are my sons.” he tells me, “I understand. I want your daughter to come in and meet him.”
“You’re the Jonas Brother’s dad?” I’m shocked. “Dad?” I hugged him. HE UNDERSTOOD. HE WAS A PARENT!
“Yes, now will you and your daughter come back stage so she can meet them?”

Shea and I are led backstage where he tells everyone backstage that she’s with him and she’s a very special guest. The woman tells the Jonas Brothers, “This is the little girl your dad wanted you to meet.” She gets to take a picture with them and they are SUPER nice to her.

All in all, it was a good show. The security people at the Placer County Strawberry Festival SUCKED and can kiss my ass (I hope someone googles ‘security for placer county strawberry festival and reads this!) Yes, the security SUCKED ASS, but the concert was awesome.

After the concert we all got our overpriced strawberry goodies and Shaun and I had to listen to 5 giggly girls in the backseat talk about which brother was cuter and every single detail of every single minute before, during and after the concert.

Oh the joys of being the parents of girls.