Emails from the Inbox…

Not that I get stacks of emails, but I realize I haven’t updated in awhile and figured I would answer a few emails through a post. Because yes, I am THAT lazy.

How you doing?

I’m doing pretty good. I’m weening off the Xanax and trying to figure out how to get through the anxiety without the ‘instant’ fix. I might take up smoking pot soon though.

How is Tabitha and the baby?

They are doing good, as well. They are still here living with us.

Are you F**ing kidding me? Your husband’s ex-wife and baby are there? How have you not killed each other yet? (I get this email about every 2 days)

Okay, let me start with the first question – Nope, I’m not kidding you.
Yes, the husband’s ex-wife and baby are living with us.
We haven’t killed each other because have bonded in a way only really good mothers can…we are finding new ways to make the lives of our growing children hell.

She has taken over beating the children on Sunday and I have implemented mid-week flicking. It’s a random day that I pick out of the air and go around and flick the children on the ankle bone, the elbow or the back of the head. The part of the body that would most annoy the children is the part I start with. Tyler hates his ears being flicked. I get great pleasure out of sneaking up behind him and getting a really good one in while he’s on the computer. I don’t know what hurts worse; the actual flick or the evil laughter that follows it.

I realize I have picked up on some of her mannerisms. She eats her food with her fingers. I think it has been all the years of feeding children that got her in the habit of eating like that. I finally realized the joy of putting down my fork and reaching down and eating with my fingers. The food tastes better! I am one with my food.

She has picked up on some of my mannerisms too. Okay, actually she hasn’t. But she does yell at the dog when I have grown tired of yelling at it. She has also done her share of picking up, dropping off and buying stuff for the brats.

She’s just as dorky and weird as the rest of us. She fits in fine.

Jeremiah is being raised by a village of Random and Odd idiots. That’s going to be the title of my first book.

How goes the Photography stuff?

It’s doing GREAT. I love the people that I am working with. We are doing on an average of 2 weddings a month. I love doing engagement pictures the most though. I love the personalized time with the bride and groom to get to know them.

How are you and Shaun doing?

I haven’t killed him yet, so I would say; SPLENDID.
Actually he has decided to go behind my back and do something sneaky. For the first time, he’s not getting in trouble for it.
He decided that we needed to actually GO somewhere together. We go lots of places, but there is always a gaggle of children in tow. (I just used the word ‘gaggle’ in a sentence)
On Friday he told me that we needed to work on a schedule for the kids because he booked a flight and room in Vegas for us.

OH.MY.GOD.

You don’t just pop shit like that out to someone who has anxiety! I started yelling, “NO! Oh God, no!! Shaun, NO!” it wasn’t that I didn’t want to go…it just seems like a hell of a lot of money that could have gone to…uh…I don’t know, maybe the HOUSE PAYMENT THAT HAS GONE UP BY TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH!

It’s okay though, it was only 300 dollars for 2 airfares and 2 nights. He assured me that we won’t be sitting in the casino the whole time. OK, OK, OK, he told me I’m not ALLOWED to sit in the
casino the whole time.
He wants to get out and take pictures of the city. That actually sounded like fun. I’m going to be alright. I’m going to be alright. I’m going to be alright. Breeeeeathhhheeee.

5. Did you say your ovary exploded in a past post?

Yes. It didn’t explode. It just felt like it. I’m ok now.

And that is your Random and Odd Update!