Soul Catching…up.

Do you feel like you’ve been pushed out of my life a little lately?
I’m sorry.  I have been pushing.

My mind is overflowing with a million things and then when I sit down and start writing I just either burst into tears or look at my words and say, “Who is this writing  this? This isn’t me.”

So, for you…I will spill it.  I went to the doctor for a follow up. I need to seek really professional help.  I guess the professional help I started with wasn’t good enough and the specialist said I needed even someone more special to work with me.  Nice huh?
The pills that I have been force feeding myself aren’t working. I had hopes that the world look a little bit less scary after I started taking the pills.  Maybe I thought the world would seem ‘rosey’ after a month.  I thought I would laugh more and stop clawing at the top of the car everytime Shaun puts on the brakes.  I thought my mind would stop screaming, “OMG WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE IN A HORRIFIC WRECK!”.
The only thing that seems to help out is the Xanax and that is now more just to fall asleep before 4 am and not sit up all night listening to my hair fall out and wondering which muscle will start to twitch next.

I had a little scare last week that didn’t help much. It turned out to not be as bad as we had thought and all is right in the world again, but it left me drained and it took about 2 days for my blood to actually flow through my body.
It’s okay now. Everything is fine.

Yes, a THOUSAND dollar cell phone bill.  I just have to shake my head at my stupidity for laughing at those stupid commercials where people freak out when they go over their minutes.
Looking at the cell phone bill made me ask myself something, ‘At what point am I spending time with these children that they could spend almost a WHOLE FULL DAY on the cell phone and I don’t see the phone attached to her head?
She has lost her cell phone for a couple months until I can hooker my ass out on the street and pay this thing off.  Who’s first?

SPF:

1. Something you have outgrown…
2. Something you have overcome..
3. I need help with…
Yeah, we are reaching in and digging around.

Okay, I know I totally left out stuff… you got questions for me? I will do my best to answer them.