Okay! Okay! it only takes me 7 emails to get me to listen.
SOME of you think that we should be doing this wishlist thing every weekend. You guys are crazy and bored…and you wish is my command:
Comment Section Wish List…
Body: Okay, here’s the deal. The person above you in the comment section makes a wish (“I wish I had a banana!”), and then the person below grants your wish, and then wishes something else, but here’s the fun part: Your wish is messed up!
Example: Bucky Four Eyes—-I wish I had a banana.
Hippo—-Granted, but the banana tastes bad. I wish I had a ticket to a concert.
Susie—-Granted, but it’s a Barney concert. I wish….
103 responses to “113971039389872809”
I wish I can find all the stuff I have lost since the start of this year…
granted, but you find it under a pile of dog doo.
I wish I had built in wall to wall book cases.
Granted, but its full of books that are titled
“What men know about women” and are empty.
I wish I had a new job.
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Granted, but only in Alaska.
I wish I was out of school.
Granted, but it is writing books called “What Women know” And there is no content so you go broke.
I wish I could play golf.
Why does my comment keep showing up ABOVE William’s? It messes everything up!
Granted. But it is cold, rainy and windy where you are playing golf.
I wish I had some of those cool champagne truffles.
Granted: but your cool champagne truffles all have tiny holes in them and the champage dripples
out. It looks like pee on your dress.
I wish I had a chef.
(Shoshie)
Granted but he only knows how to make canned raviolis
I wish it wasnt snowing here!
Granted, but now hail the size of beach balls are falling on yourcar.
I wish I had a someone to give me a massage right now.
Granted, but he’s the size of a sumo, and his specialty is the “standing on your back” style.
I wish I didn’t have to clean my kitchen tomorrow.
Granted, but alien-bred cock roaches that will outlive every human, except Keith Richards, take up residence in the spice rack.
I wish I could move into a downtown loft.
*raising hand* OMG… *trying not to pee my pants from laughing so hard*
William…you kill me. That was hysterical!
Carry On….
Granted, but you have to share it with 12 other people.
I wish my car was fixed.
Granted, but now it smells like the very smelly mechanic who fixed it.
I wish someone would clean my house and do my laundry.
granted, but the person walked in with muddy shoes and then left a crayon in your drier.
I wish someone could teach me how to ice a layer cake without the layers sliding off.
Granted! but it was me and your cake ended up looking more like Nachos.
I wish I could keep this buzz.
Granted, but you have a three bees’s buzzing in your ears. They
drive you to sniff more Calgon
and we know what happens with that
stuff.
I wish someone would take call for
me tomorrow.
Nikki
I may take call for you tomorrow, but the 187 people who leave messages all insist you must return their calls by 8:30 AM Monday. Good luck with that.
I wish someone could fly sub for me in the middle seat I’m stuck with on the flight from PDX at 8:35 AM Monday morning to Chicago O’Hare.
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Yes, you are relieved to be that sub, however you will be the customer sub for the dominatrix in Boston who recently cut and chopped up another of her customers her buried little, itsy, bitsy, pieces of ‘im in God knows what dumpster.
I wish my penis was not so large and hurtful
Granted but now your penis is so small and shriveled up you will never again be able to pleasure another person with it.
I wish I didn’t have insomnia
Granted : But now you have OCD and your up all night checking all 12 of your lightswitches work by turning them on and off 36 times each.
I wish I was strong enuff to resist the chocolate in my cupbaord!
Granted:You are now eating
the doors of the cabinets that housed the chocolate. Only to find out that wood has way more calories then chocolate and you
are now having gastric bypass sugery….you ate 15 cabinets.
I wish I had never ever said my
kids could have a sleepover.
(Shoshie)
Granted but now your kids are so klingy you can’t ever go to bathroom alone ever!
I wish I could finish a meal at work without interruptions.
Granted : but you had to work back several hours to get all your stuff done. Now your having to drive home in bumper to bumper, no faster than an inch at a time traffic.
I wish it someone would come do the house moving stuff for me!
Granted, but all your dishes got broken.
I wish I weren’t up coughing at 3am.
Granted, but since you are up at 3 anyway you had to go drive the security car for your neighborhood watch program.
I wish my feet didn’t hurt after walking in the mornings.
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Granted, but your butt gets really ginormous because you aren’t walking in the mornings.
I wish I had my own personal swedish masseuse
Granted. But she’s a huge hairy woman who wraps your legs around your ears and accidentally fractures your femur.
I wish that someone would come redecorate my house for me.
granted but your decorater is hildy and she puts feathers , straw and plastic flowers on your walls and covers the floor with sod and rocks.
I wish for the laundry and vacuuming to be all done
The Laundry is done, but oly then do you notice someone has been putting crayons in your dryer. The vacuuming is all done, however its only afterwards you remember that diamond earring that fell on the floor that you assumed you’d find later.
I wish i had more money.
granted, but it is only $5 more.
I wish someone would shovel my driveway for me.
http://www.mrsfish.blogspot.com
Granted, but they dumped all the snow on your roof and it caved in so now you live in an igloo.
I wish somebody would have played my saturday night comment game even though it’s/I’m not as cool as Kristine. ;o(
Oh, and I wish for world peace. ;o)
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This post has been removed by the author.
This post has been removed by the author.
This post has been removed by the author.
Granted, but all those darn white doves flying around keep dropping a ton of bird crap on your car.
(AWESOME!!! Every weekend, I LOVE it, thank you thank you Kristine!)
I wish I was Mary Poppins so I could magically get this house cleaned up PRONTO.
Granted, but you have to wear that stupid dress, and I FUGged you on Thursday.
I wish I were two inches taller.
(Kristine, don’t yell at me. I wanted to see if my theory was right on why my comment kept showing up above Andrea’s, and it was.) :)
Granted, but now all your pants are highwaters and the clothing designers don’t give a rat’s ass about ya.
I wish my homework was done already.
**KRISTINE**
I have posted something on flickr for you, now that people should have received these and they don’t have to be such a secret.
http://flickr.com/photos/drienne/sets/72057594056992923/
Granted, but it’s all wrong, and you’re going to get an “F” on it.
I wish my nose would stop running.
Your nose will stop running, right after it falls off.
I wish I had lots of money.
Granted but the IRS then investigates your for tax fraud and youa re thrown in jail for 30 years.
I wish it was summer.
Granted: You have no nose and now
you are a FREAK. A big hole where
your nose WAS. You are featured on
DATELINE.
I wish I could find my Palm Pilot
(Shoshie)
Granted. But you find it floating in the toilet.
I wish I could have someone come pack all my stuff up for me.
Hi I am a lurker. You make my life easier and thats why i lurk. thank you ,oh, and congrats to you and shaun. Back to lurking now…
Granted, but they do it all out of order, and not OCD like you like.
I wish it were 2008 already so we could elect a new president.
Granted: but we elected JEB BUSH
and you are the VP
I wish I could get motivated but
I am so freaking tired who wants
my 4 kid???
Shoshie
I’ll motivate you by taking your 4 kids to work on my cotton plantation.
I wish I was on that Rosie O’Donnel Cruise With Recovering Straight Girl and Ginger. She’ll come back soon right?
Granted, but the cruise ship runs out of food, water, and all else to sustain life, and you have to swim to shore.
I wish that I had a month vacation in the Carribean.
Granted, but you would enjoy yourself so much and become so relaxed that you would decide never to return.
I wish mrtl would have baby Frida already!
Ummm granted, but you have to wait to find out when.
I wish it would warm up outside already!
Your wish is granted but it is
140 degrees you burn your buttocks
off.
My wish move to the US
Granted, but then you have to pay income taxes out the wazoo, President Bush is spying on you, and you have to deal with the temptation of Starbucks on every street corner.
I wish the Olympics would hurry up and come on!
Granted, but you are disappointed when you learn that the cross-country skiing competition loses some of its wonder when half the skiiers have been eliminated due to, did I hear that right, high hemoglobin levels??
I wish my hubby could get the car he really wants.
Granted..but much to your surprise it’s a Ford pinto…
I wish I could be a size 4.
Granted, but all your clothes now have Dora the Explorer on them
I wish my 3 year old would keep taking a nap indefinitely.
Granted, but now he stays up all night.
I wish it was the beginning of the weekend.
Granted, but you work graveyard at the sanitation department.
I wish I had naturally long hair.
Granted, but now you have long hairs all over your clothes, your carpet, your furniture…and clogging your shower drain.
I wish all the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops, and all the snowflakes were chocolate bars and milkshakes.
Granted, but then you would be a diabetic.
I wish I had a banana all greased up and ready to watch Barney.
Don’t look all innocent, pretending not to know what I am [talking about]
Dude, girla, you totally lost me. I’m serious.
I think I know where she’s goin’:
OK, granted, but then Barney removes the banana, shoves it in your mouth, and at the same time forces you to sing “I love you, you love me, we’re best friends like friends should be.”
I wish time would stop while I get over this flu and get all the stuff done I need to get done in the next two days…and then time can start again, and it’s still Sunday.
Granted. But your Sunday begins with a knock at the door and it’s your entire family showing up for the family reunion your mother planned on your behalf and unfortunately they’re all very contagious and have the flu and mess up your house you just cleaned.
I wish someone would give me a lil girl beagle that’s been fixed for my dog dan for Valentine’s day.
Granted but she refuses to learn potty training.
I wish I were in a better mood.
Granted, but if you were in a much better mood, that could lead to jail or pregnancy.
I wish I had another two days off before going back to work.
(word verification: notpmsdk)
(pretty funny joke for programmers/IT folks)
not
pms = premenstrual syndrome
sdk = software development kit
Granted, and extra long ones too filled with my laundry.
I wish I was pregnant.
Granted, and it’s septuplets.
I wish my kid had school tomorrow, but his preschool is off.
Granted, but now summer break comes a month early and school starts a month later.
I wish I was finished with school already!
Granted, but you went to school to learn paper mache and now you can’t find a job.
I wish I could snuggle up with someone besides my cat tonight and actually enjoy some company!
Granted! but it’s my ex-husband.
I wish the kids would get off my bed so I could go to sleep.
But that means Girl.A will take them on a field trip to make a documentary of spoonie’s geriatric spelunking journey for the night…
I wish I had 40 foot green rubber arms
Granted:but your 40 foot green rubber arms you use to clean out
port-a-potties and those arms
turn brown.
I wish my husband would give me
a foot rub.
Shoshie
Granted, but then he wants you to return the favor.
I wish Kristine would update her blog already.
Granted, but while he’s doing it he decides that he enjoys it so much he’s going to quit his day job and rub feet for a living, which results in a huge decrease in your income which leaves you to go back to pimping in order to make ends meet.
“I wished I’d of known you, wished I’d of shown you all of the things I was on the inside” (Let’s see if the Dixie Chicks can stump someone ;o)
Granted! but if I update my blog during the weekend and ruin the wishlist I will have to send Kami the hate mail from all the people that want more of it!
Granted! but when you finally see the inside you passout because the sight of blood freaks you out.
I wish people would listen to the phone message, “THE PHONE LINES ARE DOWN…CALL THE CELL PHONE!” so I don’t have to get freaked out everytime I hear my voice on the machine!
Granted, but so many people start calling your cell that you get sick of the annoying ring tone and throw it out the window.
I wish I didn’t have to cook dinner tonight.
Granted, but for the rest of your life you eat only Taco Bell.
I wish I weren’t sitting in Denver International Airport waiting for my 11:35 PM flight to Boston to take off at 3:40 AM.
Granted, but only because you never made it past security and are now being detained while they locate a female officer for your strip search.
I wish I had my pre-baby complexion.
Granted, but now that baby soft skin comes with baby chubby cheeks and a too
big head for your body.
I wish DH would learn to cook.
Granted, but he can only cook liver and onions.
I wish I could lose my after baby fat.
You do but then you get pregnant again!
I wish I could extend the hours in my day!
Granted : but you can only ever use them for work. No rest for the wicked!
I wish I didnt have to go to work tomorrow
Granted, but every single crazy relative shows up unannounced and you have to spend the day feeding and entertaining them.
I wish my son and daughter would nap at the same time.
Granted: However, I am not sure if they are napping or drunk because they broke into your stash of Johnnie Walker.
I wish Speedos and Magnum P.I. mustaches would come back into style.
Granted, but it would the highest fashion for teenage chicks only.
I wish Kristine would record a new answering machine message so I wouldn’t get freaked out every time I hear her voice!!
Granted! but I sound like Pee Wee Herman.
I wish I knew when Girl A was calling me so I would pick up the phone!
Granted, but she’s calling you because she is mad at you.
I wish I lived in a warm climate near the ocean.
Granted, but your bedroom window overlooks a senior citizens nude beach. I wish I could find true love.
Granted, but it’s with a Russian mail order bride, and she’s addressed to soemone else.
I wish I had more time
Granted, but now you have constant diareah and spend most of that time and then some on the toliet with the trots!!
I wish I could take the time off from work to go to school full time and still get paid!
Granted. But you get a degree in business and the only job you can find is pimpin’ whores and sellin’ crack…and that don’t make ya a business-(wo)man!
I wish my 13 yr old son wasn’t so mouthy. I hate grounding him all the time.
Granted. But now instead of being mouthy, he’s gassy and you can smell it all over the house.
I wish May was here so I could move home to Houston
99 bottles of beer on wall
99 bottles of beer
Take one Down
Pass it ’round
99 Bottles of bear on the wall
Granted! But when you get back Houston it’s been turned into an elderly nudist colony and it’s named after YOU!
I wish I had a Valentine!! :(
(Kristine this is the best…if only these wishes DID come true)
98 bottles of beer on the wall…
Geez someone at least humor me!!!!