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Last night my friend, Ruka, took me to the ballet. I got all gussied up and looked like I should be either running a bank or married to high powered attorney. It’s not that often I pull out the black slacks and sexy shoes.

When I informed Shaun where I would be going he gave me the raised eyebrow and the crazy eyes. I know that there is a percentage of men out there that do not like going to events that have men dressed in tights, but doesn’t involve pigskin or helmets.
I’m okay with that.
There has to be a balance in the world of men that can spout sport stats going all the way back to the early 1900’s. Some men that can build a ’67 Camaro from the ground up with nothing more than sweat and some metal. There is also some men that can grasp the beauty of Rumi, Aida and Mozart…and know the difference of the three.
I have dated all three, but none the same guy.

After we got seated I thanked Ruka and said “Just in case I forget to thank you later.”

During the first 20 minutes I had forgotten what a beautiful city Sacramento was. I had forgotten that there was culture outside of Disney On Ice and the Monster Trucks. These dancers, these singers, these composers are from Sacramento. This stunning building is right here in the heart of my city and I had forgotten how beautiful it was to see art moving in front of me.

An hour into the beauty of it all, my mind started to wander. I had 5 dentist appointments next week and I needed to remember to write notes to get the kids out of school. The dancing was beautiful and the dress of that one dancer was pretty. I need to decide on a wedding dress. I wonder what we will dance our first dance to?

I use to have this exact problem when I would pray. I would start out real strong, remembering to use the Thee’s and Thou’s and by the end of asking God to forgive me for sweeping every single toy under my bed, my mind would start to wander and I would end my prayer midway through trying to figure out what I was going to wear the next day to school.

Ruka is a mother to a 4 month old and she admitted that she didn’t make it too far into The Nutcracker before she started to fidget and want to get home to the baby.
She looked SO into the program tonight, so I knew I was going to have to snap out of the daydreaming and start paying attention.

The men ballet dancers amazed me. The way he could just lift her up in the air and hold her and softly spin her…making her dress just float…I started to think about the first dance again.
I got some great ideas from the two dancers out there.
I mean, of course we would totally have to re-think some of the dance moves because i’m pretty certain there was NO way Shaun was going to be able to pick me up like that.
Don’t get me wrong, Shaun is very strong…he can totally beat me at thumb wars, but I don’t think he could lift my ass if our house was on fire and I was sitting on the remote to the wide screen he had already gotten out.
Also, the whole leg lifting thing. I can’t even hoist myself into the mini-van and make it look graceful.
Yes, I would REALLY have to rethink this. Maybe just the floating wedding dress would work.

“Ruka…I think I’m going to wear that dress for my wedding…what do you think?”

Ruka’s got a sense of humor, but we were at the ballet and it was time to be serious. I leaned back over and tried to concentrate.

“Think you can get Shaun to wear THAT?” She whispers out of the side of her mouth.

On stage there are about 15 men in underwear. Nothing more, just underwear. Tight underwear. WHITE, tight underwear.

I smile a little bit because I know that as serious as the ballet is, Ruka knows that I am going to find the humor in this and we can get a giggle about it later.

“Kristine, I think the opera singer is just making words up.”
“He’s singing about the contents of his refrigerator.”

For the next 10 minutes all I could hear is, “SEVEN BOTTLES OF E-VI-AN!! SEVEN BOTTLES OF E-VI-AN!!” sung in full blown opera.

Then the most beautiful part of the program started and all the dancers were out there jumping and spinning…and dropping to the floor?
The men in the TIGHT white underwear were all on the floor laying on their stomachs. Then because I went to church camp and was a good, model citizen for the last 15 years and my mother and sister have a direct line to God…the male dancers in their TIGHT white underwear began to lift their legs up and put their feet behind the top of their heads making the most beautiful display of acrobatic maneuvers. 15 penis’s right there for all the world to see through the TIGHT white underwear.

I leaned in really close to Ruka and whispered, “Thank you.”

Something I never thought would happen in a million years happened. She started giggling. Then I started giggling. The penis’s still right there in our faces, we giggled like we were 12 year olds. We both tried to stop giggling, but when one would stop and gain composure the other would start up again and we both ended up in tears.

We both spent the last half of the ballet with our hands over our mouth. I realized then that I would rather drink liquid Drano than to take Shaun to the ballet. I wouldn’t make it past the first 2 minutes and he would have me laughing.

Driving home, we decided that we were going to have to do that more often. It was a nice change to dress up and go out to cultured events like the Ballet and pretend we are grown up.