I went to the doctor and the doctor said….
“Been awhile since I’ve seen you, Kristine.”
“Yeah, that whole lack of health insurance thing…” I had already had 3 anxiety attacks in the 20 minutes of sitting on the table with nothing but a cotton gown, he wasn’t making it better.
He checked me out and asked me to go into his office.
“Well, it looks alright.” He’s flipping through papers that hold all my past medical information. I had my OB-GYN as my main doctor for 10 years. I think I might have been the only person who got all medical clearance for HMO crap through their cootchy doctor instead of a family doctor. I trusted this guy. If I had to have heart surgery I would want him to do it. I trust him that much. He pulled three kids out of me…I love him.
“Then why no period for 3 months?” I ask.
“You stressed out?” he asks.
“Nope. I’m good.”
“Nothing at work that is stressing you out?”
“I’m not working right now.”
He gives me that look like I have just answered my own problem. “Is that causing you any stress?”
“Oh God No. I mean…well…sort of. Fanancially.”
“Are you looking for a job?”
“I can’t. I’m home with the 5 kids.”
“and you said you’re not stressed out?” His eyebrows have crawled into his hairline.
“I mean, no. I have a great guy who helps me out so much. We got engaged this weekend.” I show him the ring as if he’s interested in seeing it.
“That’s fantastic. So you’re now thinking about planning a wedding. Is that…I don’t know…STRESSFUL?”
“Uh-um.” I see where he’s going with this. “I’m stressed out again and in total denial huh?”
“Kristine, you had one of the worst cases of postpartum depression I had seen in a long time. Don’t you remember the things that happened to your body? You missed several periods, your hormones were off the charts…we had you on three different medications and a patch to try to get you stable again. It took awhile to bounce back from that.”
“I had an affair, left my husband and destroyed my family. I don’t think I bounce back very well.”
I take a deep breath and think back to sitting in his office several years ago trying to convince him I wasn’t depressed, stressed or anxiety ridden all the while CLUMPS of hair where falling out on his floor and I had almost completely gnawed off my fingers.
“Okay, yeah…I came in for the rash and hair loss and the mild heart attacks I was having.”
“That was the anxiety attacks that felt like heart attacks. Yes. You still having anxiety attacks now and again?”
“If by now and again you mean, once in the morning, once mid morning…one at night…”
He wrote me a prescription for some xanax and some hormone replacement stuff.
and then he said one of the funniest things I have EVER heard in my life…
“Now I want you to avoid any stressful activities or situations for a few months.”
5 kids. Shaun’s Ex. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Wedding. My Dad. Money.
Somebody. get. me. a. straight.jacket.