…being tagged

I was tagged twice in this past month and I never posted what I was tagged with. I was asked to go and find my 25th post and go to a certain line and… well, I went and I looked it up and I was reminded of a time that I wasn’t so happy.

Before Random and Odd, I had justkeeton dot com where I wrote about things in my life. I wasn’t funny, witty or in the least bit charming. It wasn’t a site that you would go to and really ever go back to see again. I would be surprised if anyone ever went there. It was for me and it was raw and open.
Many months later I started Random and Odd after following a link that someone had put up on dooce dot com’s picture comment section about ‘free’ blog space. I figured it had to be easier than updating my HTML every day.

The beginning of this blog is a combination of the person I was and the person I was becoming.
I have things in the beginning of this blog that I am not excited are there. I was far too open and raw about my feelings, I was honest with myself andI don’t want to forget how I got here. So those posts will stay.

Just to highlight some of the reasons those post will stay are some of the things that hurt me to write…and ultimately reread:

“Oh, okay, let me see…the last time she mentioned needing to see a therapist and nobody took her seriously she destroyed her marriage. Another time she almost drove her car into oncoming traffic. Yeah, I think I might want to see what I can do to help.”

Sorry for not being ‘the one’ and wasting your time.
Sorry for doing something REALLY wrong to ruin your life.
Sorry for not realizing how important you were to me until you were gone.
Sorry for taking one path and leaving you on another.

I have worked through many of those issues that I was dealing with a year ago. I still have the anxiety I deal with every day.
I stayed up until 3 am last night because the thought of laying still and trying to fall asleep causes me to panic and hyper-ventilate.
I thought after I got the loan and paid my bills that it would go away, but it wasn’t money related. Shaun hates to read about this on my blog instead of me telling him straight out. Sorry honey, I don’t plan on telling anyone about my ‘freak out episodes’ that only Will and Grace and 4 hours of Tivo’ed CSI can manage to get me through.

Tag, everyone is it. Link me to your favorite post you’ve written…good/bad/ugly/funny/sad….go ahead, it can’t get any worse than mine.