another open letter….

Dear Asshole that broke into my house while I slept,

Thank you for not taking my computer. Thank you for not taking my camera. Thank you for leaving the TV’s and my cheap Ross jewelry.

I’m not certain how popular this string of ‘comic break-ins’ are, but I know i’m not the only house you have hit.

You leave a string of frustrated women in your trail. HOW you do it, I don’t know. How you manage to slip in my room, go through my clothes and SHRINK EVERYTHING I OWN, place them back in the drawer as if you were never there…it staggers the imagination.

Why? What do you get out of this? Some sick pleasure out of knowing that I am putting on a pair of pants that were once baggy on me and having to do the jumping zip? You think that’s funny asshole? It’s not. Those were very comfortable Old Navy baggy jeans. THEY SAY BAGGY ON THE LABEL! They are spose to hang and make my waist look sexy, but you’ve ruined that. You must have washed everything in hot. sick bastard.

What am I going to do with all these jeans? I already have a closet full of jeans that you have ruined once before! You replaced EVERY SINGLE pair of size 10 with what CLEARLY must be a size 6. It must have taken a long time to sew in my tags into those very small jeans. jerk.

Go pick on someone else. Leave my clothes alone. STOP SHRINKING MY JEANS YOU BASTARD!

Best of Everything,
Kristine