You know you’re going to have a good day when you wake up in the morning and your PJ’s are on backwards.

You guys should get an award or something for the positive thinking, prayers and vibes you send. I don’t know what it is. I get totally down and think there is no hope and then you guys just take a second to throw some vibes out there and Viola!
Something always seems to fall in my lap to give me my hope back. Maybe the options were always there, but I never listened. The last time you did it, the problem I had was resolved in LESS than 24 hours. Now I ask and then I sit back and listen real hard.

Angels. all of you.

I’m living the same life that about 90% of you are living. Paycheck to Paycheck. I was doing REALLY good for awhile when Shaun and I were both working. Then for reasons I had to stop working. I’m okay with it right now. I don’t mind.

I was a SAHM for many years and I know the pitfalls to avoid. I have been dancing around them lately though.

These are dangers for me, not for everyone.

I can’t watch soap operas. I did for SO many years. I go as far back as being there to see Luke and Laura get married. I remember when the Salem strangler killed Marlena on Days of Our Lives on Friday and I cried. I cried all weekend. Then on Monday we found out it was her twin sister. If I start watching, I can’t stop. I’m a recovering SOaholic from 8 years ago. I haven’t touched a SO in that long…until last week. I watch a whole episode of General Hospital. I’m still saddened that Brenda and Sonny didn’t work out…then Brenda died when she was with Jax. Did she ever come back from the dead?

I can’t sleep past 9 am. I have a knack for being able to sleep in until 11 or noon. If I wasn’t FORCED to get out of bed, then why should I? None of my Soap started until then anyway.
Now I get up at 8:00. (7 am during the school year) I know it’s not much, but it’s a personal accomplishment for me.

I can’t take naps in the middle of the day. This is just asking for trouble. If I go to sleep at 3 pm for ‘a few minutes’, i’m up ALL night and then I sleep past 8:00 am.

I can’t have a tendency to ‘spend freely’ like my Chinese horoscope says I do. I haven’t been ‘spending freely’, but I haven’t been counting every dime like I know I should. It sounds extreme, but when you’re facing financial disaster you kick yourself in the ass later for not knowing where all your money went when you stopped counting.
By the looks of my checkbook it’s going to Albertson’s for food to feed these brats…and Starbucks.

If I do any of these things above, I get down on myself because i’m OBSESSIVE about them. I don’t just watch a couple of soaps…I watch ALL of them, EVERYDAY. I will take a 3 hour nap. I will spend ALL the money on ‘stuff for the house’.
If I get down on myself…I get depressed.

Looking above it seems like I should be doing pretty good. Watching one soap in years, sleeping in until 11 am one morning or having spent a tad bit too much on coffee. I have just turned one evil in for another.
I’m not getting dressed anymore unless I am being forced to. I’m eating ice cream instead of yogurt. I’m letting anxiety take back over.

But yesterday I asked for help and it was given it. There is something about the act of asking for help sometimes throws you into action. I looked at what I have in front of me and I came up with a plan of action. For those of you that know me, know that the word “Hope” is my most favorite word ever. When I started school one of the counselors asked me what I wanted. I said, “Hope….and freedom.” I want to be free from ‘needing’ someone to get through life. Depending on someone else and not having personal freedom.

I am on a road to getting that now.

Personal Freedom.

I wonder how that will look plastered up on the bathroom mirror?

_________

thank you everyone for all your help!

Don’t forget SPF is tomorrow!!