Can they tell?

I wonder if they know i’m slowly losing my mind.

Every day it’s getting harder. Shaun ordered some stuff online that I hope makes it better. The anxiety is killing me. I swear I feel like i’m going crazy.

I freaked out yesterday about something really stupid that normally I wouldn’t have even noticed. When Shaun asked me what he could do to help me, in a tear filled rage I told him, “You could freak out with me! If you freak out then I know I’m not going crazy!”

I know him freaking out isn’t going to help. It pisses me off that he’s normal. It pisses me off that no one else is running around freaking out about the stupidest things. They are totally taking their mental health for granted! I am somehow relating to the crazy people that are hospitalized and out of the blue toss the puzzle up in the air and start running around the room like a loon.

Everyone is saying it’s the season. Thing is, it’s been coming on for about three months and like a horrible pimple it has finally surfaced. That just grossed me out.

I’m trying to stay ‘normal’ for the kids sake. It has to be obvious that I am losing it though. I can’t seem to get back to that ‘fun’ mom I use to be. I’m trying though.