It’s been a bit, but I know I am ready to open up.
Things have been shitty for awhile and I think I am ready to be on the other side that.
I was working through the death of my mother and then my brother passed away. It’s a weird thing to think that he’s not here anymore.
This year has been a mother fucker, the year before it was a mother fucker too. I’m really ready for things to get better for everyone.
After writing out a huge paragraph of what I was feeling and what I am angry about I just deleted it all. I guess I am not ready to open up just yet.
I’m still writing in my journal. It’s mostly passive death shit, but at least I am getting it out. If someone were to find it they would think I was about to climb the clock tower.
Nope, just an old woman who is tired, so very tired of it.
I was talking to a male friend about the state of relationships and I told him I could relate to one of our girlfriends who “doesn’t feel anything.” She was hurt by someone that was suppose to be the love of her life and is struggling with letting that feeling go enough to where she can feel the good.
I can relate to that because I don’t feel anything either. It’s been 2 years since my ex and I broke up and I’m not moving someone in out of fear of being alone. I am enjoying the being alone part. The struggle comes from not feeling that I am going to ‘love’ someone ever again. That is the feeling I miss most, that flush of emotion that comes with being in love with them.