meh.

i started writing in an actual journal again.  mostly because the things i am thinking can’t be put in digital form for anyone to read. this is one of those that you hope no one cracks open when your dead and reads it because it’s fucking dark.
i do need to get it all out though.  there is one person i can talk about it to because she gets it. my sister wouldn’t understand and i can tell she struggles with the fact that i don’t believe in god anymore so what is going to keep me tethered to this world without that belief?   i ask myself that often…well, not the belief part.
i think about my future, like where do i go from here.  not an uncommon question, but at this point one would think you would have that figured out. everything i focus on isn’t appealing at all.