It’s been six years that the first papers were filed to start the divorce processes.
I knew going into court where I stood and how much child support and custody I would have. I was scared, but I was going to be okay.
A week before our court hearing my ‘exhusband’ got a phone call and was informed that his brother had killed himself. This drew us together long enough to get his affairs in order to go to the funeral and still be back for the court hearing. I stayed with him and made sure that everything was going to be fine.
Going into court we actually rode together. We sat in my attorney’s office and talked about what the courts were going to award each parent and what each attorney was going to ask for. I was scared because I KNEW where I stood. I was going to get most of the custody and a shit load of child support. My ex, who had done nothing…didn’t want the divorce in the first place…who had just lost his brother, was going to be handing over pretty much everything he had spent his life working for. When he was handed the support judgment he looked at me as if I was Satan. I asked if we could have a moment alone and we went into the conference center and he looked at me with tears in his eyes and he said, “I can’t do this.”
and then pretty much made it sound like he would do exactly what his brother had done.
I went back into the office and I sat down with the two attorneys and I said, “He gets 50% custody and I don’t want alimony…and take the amount of child support and cut it in half.”
My attorney turned about 100 shades of red. His attorney grinned from ear to ear.
My attorney told me, “Someday Kristine…you are going to regret this and you’re going to call me crying because you just made the biggest mistake of your whole life!”
That day has happened more times than I care to admit. I never called her though, but I called her this morning.
After the beginning phases of the divorce we hit this road block. Both his attorney and my attorney were fed up with us. Dan and I got along fine. We just had this sticking point we couldn’t get past. The house…and the 401k. Both had several hundred thousand dollars in it. I wanted either one or other. Dan wanted both.
I wanted his insurance, he wanted me as a tax right off. It seemed like a good idea to not finish the divorce so both of us could essentially ‘use’ the other.
He lost his job and I had no insurance so I began pushing for him to finish the divorce. The more I pushed for him to do it, the more reasons he came up to NOT finish it. “The attorney is too much…The court was closed when I went up there….”
and I am so lazy that I didn’t push hard enough.
Then I met Shaun. I decided it was time to really just start taking care of these things. I needed to get my taxes done, get my own care in my name, get Dan’s name off this house, and …Embarrassingly I admit this….finish my divorce.
And here is where the Xanax part of my life comes into effect….I opened Dan’s mail from the IRS yesterday. I don’t normally do this, but as of late I have been getting a lot of letters for him. This CAN’T be good.
I won’t go into the details of how truly fucked I am right now. I am truly fucked because I was lazy and didn’t finish what I should have finished YEARS ago. I might lose EVERYTHING I own because I didn’t follow through on things I was told to follow up on.
So here is my crash test dummy comment of the day, “If someone tells you to do something because you will look back and regret the living shit out of it later…just do it. Don’t worry about how the other person’s life will turn out because you never know what is going to happen.”
I was so scared that my ex would lose everything if I just didn’t give in a little. Now he has nothing to lose, and I might lose everything.
48 responses to “and all that other crap I should have mentioned…”
Oh boy, I am not sure what to say. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever want to talk, just say the word and I will give you my number or home email. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Oh my God Kristine, I am sooo sorry. I wish I could be there to give you support right now. Since I am in a somewhat similar situation financially, all I can is that as long as you and your girls are healthy – that’s all that matters. I know it sounds cliched – but it’s the truth. At the end of the day, as long as you have each other that’s all that will matter.
Kristine, you will make it work out. I can tell that. You are strong and determined and you will make it work.
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I was too busy yesterday to “send” you hope. Not that it will make you feel better but someone who reads this blog, may know someone who can help you.(I wish I did but I don’t and i am sorry for that). By posting your situation you just gave yourself hope. You make me smile everyday and I consider that hope. I wish I could return the favor.
Kristine,
Hang in there baby! I am rooting for you, you are strong, caring and loving (which is why you got into this in the first place b/c you CARED)…I haven’t been reading your blog long but enough to get lots of laughs from the craziness and a feel for all the love that flows from your family. Nothing bad can come from all your good Karma! Good VIBES are coming your way from ME…and thanks for visiting my blog today too! XXOO
Oh, Kristine. You’ll be OK. I really believe that. It’s new news. You’ll get info, you’ll make a plan, you’ll be OK.
Wow, honey. I’m so sorry to hear about all of that. A year ago I felt like my life was tumbling down around me and I almost took the coward’s way out. I didn’t think I had the strength left in me to deal with anything anymore.
I was lying to myself. I had it, I was just too afraid to test it. After I got out of the hospital, I found out just how strong I can be. It was hard, and probably not nearly as hard as what you are going through right now. But have faith in yourself and have faith that everything will turn out as it should.
Find the strenghth inside you. Take every helping hand that is reached out to you. Take all your fear of the unknown and force yourself to change into hope for a better future. Find these things, hold onto them for dear life and eventually it becomes clear that everything will be okay.
Damn. I have no idea what to say. Platitudes are useless, eh? But I am SOOOO sorry, Kristine. You were being a decent human being then, and now it’s the ex’s turn to step up to the plate. If he doesn’t, he’s a worthless P.O.S.
On a happier note, you have your girls, your family, your best friend, and all of us in the Blogosphere sending you *hugs* and our thoughts and prayers. If you want to talk or write, just chat me up! Even if it’s during the American Idol: Season 4 Finale! That’s how much I like you, girl.
Hang in there.
Cat,
Would that have been offered if a certain Greek God was in the Finals instead of the two best singers??? hmmmm…….
Sahun,
Absolutely, dork! Um… Yes! Absolutely.
:)
I meant, “Shaun,” of course…
“The power and strength of God (or The Internet) behind you is far greater than any task ahead of you.”
You CAN and WIll make it through this. :-)
You can handle ANYTHING.
Hang in there!
So sorry Kristine. Chin up sweetie, it is going to be OK.
ok, Kristine. find out all your options. you did what you did from your heart. now you need to pull out all the stops and protect you and yours. you WILL get out of this pickle. you’re smart and strong.
good vibes coming at you from nj.
Crap. Now I REALLY have to win the 180 million dollar Powerball tomorrow. I’d better light some candles and start chanting….
Awww hun, I’m so sorry to hear this. I wish you strenght. You will get through this cause you are stronger than you think. I will light a candle for you. *hugs*
Oh Kristine! I haven’t known you – well, known of your blog – for very long but I can already tell that you are such a good person. Rough times may lie ahead but with your wonderful boyfriend and beautiful daughters, you’ll get through this and one day say, “Man, remember how stressed out I was about that. Ha!” Good things happen to good people.
It’s a bump in the road, not the end of the road. As long as you have your family and friends, your health and the love of your partner, it’s just a bump in the road.
I’ve started from zero before, it’s no fun and I’ve let myself take the blame for it even when it was the responsibility for two. YOu have to just start taking forward steps to get through it. Make a plan and start in.
I want to give you a hug right now, real bad. My mom went through a similar situation, but it turned out alright. No matter what, just remember you’re better off as long as you’re happier. I hope everything goes well for you, and if you ever want to talk, feel free to send an IM my way.
I send good intro net vibes your way.
Innocent Spouse Rule…look into it…
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=IRS+%2B+innocent+spouse
Dr. H.O. Potamus
(The IRS and I are intimate…)
Ooops, I meant:
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f12507.pdf
Dr. Pot-A-Hippo-Head
*hugs from the Midwest* Lots and lots and lots of them! Oh Kristine that is a dilly. And what you did, you did out of love and not spite. I know you will come out of all of this STILL with a great outlook on things. Hang in there girl, we are all here for you.
Kristine, You are my kindred spirit in so many ways; this is just one of them.
You will bne okay sweetie, I know that it’s hard to see that when you are in it but you will be okay.
So many times you have given me inspiration and HOPE; I am here to tell you that the world is karmic and you put out a lot of very positivie energy into the world; it WILL come back to you. You WILL be okay!
Hey honey I tried calling you and I will call again in a few. But you know that I am here if you need me, or just need it get drunk and want ot make it home safe.
I love you
I checked into the innocent spouse thing. It’s too late for that. There is already a lien…or two or three on the house.
I called the IRS, I called his attorney, I called my attorney.
His attorney called back and said, “I have to call Dan and see what he wants to do.”
I’m thinking he wants to twinkle his nose and hope everything turns out just peachy like everything else in his life.
Yes…a plan. I need to figure out what I need to do in case the house gets taken. God…just typing that kills me.
You will make it through this. There are other houses, other places to live. As long as you have Shaun, your girls, your mom (hi, Fonz!), and your family behind you, you can do ANYTHING.
Chin up, hang in there!
You keep your chin up. You are a lot stronger than you realize. The old saying is very true, especially if you look back at the span of your life…that which does not kill you makes you stronger. Remember, you are not alone. You are surrounded by people who care about you, love you and will stand up in a split second to help and protect you.
This is just another bump in the road of life…not a road block or an end, just a bump that you will climb over.
You’re a fighter, not a victim. We’re here for you!!!
*BIG HUG*
kristine-
i am a definite lurker, but I just wanted you to know that what you did for your “ex” truly shows your character. It may not be the best thing for you right now, but it shows the extent of your unselfishness. You are the definition of a good person, and there are so few around nowadays. I know this will work out, because it always seems too.
It will get better, it will, just believe.
You seem to have so many that love you, and for that you are lucky. Many go through similar situations with no one.
Love from a lurker,
Grace.
Grace- (and everyone)
Grace, you’re so right. So many people battle through this every single day and no one is there to say, “Hey you can do it, i’m here for you if you just need a voice.”
I talked to the ex today and I said, “Uh, 5 days.” and he blew it off. It takes everything I have in me not to kill him. Ohhhh I see a new masthead in my future.
I need to find something to make me laugh.
Misfit, you sure you can’t get your hubby to sing as Mickey Mouse?
Oh boy…
I’m so sorry. I hope in all this your lawyer finds a loop hole and everything will be alright.
I’ll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers…
I just watched “Shaun putting his foot down” and “Shaun singing as Goofy” and I gotta news flash for you girl.. you’ve got alot more than you think, and I dont mean material things. I know the thoughts of losing your home is terrifying..honest I do. And I’ll admit you’ve got good reason to be flipped out, anyone would be. But try not to lose sight of what’s really important. You’ve got a beautiful family and someone who loves you. You have what some can only dream of. It’ll be okay :) Promise :)
Look at title to previous post, say aloud, breathe, repeat. Yes, write it on your hand again if necessary :)
Hi Kristine,
I know I just ‘met’ you and my words may not mean that much, but you will make it through this. Both my dad and my SIL went through similar sticky wickets with the IRS due to lack of follow through and both came out of it OK. Sure, your ex is an assclown, but you have your lovely children and that hilarious sidekick called Shaun.
Take care.
Kristine, I am a long-time lurker on your blog (found through dooce, yeah, but yours has developed into something so much more compelling, even!) Anyhow, what everyone else has said, in spades! I’ve wanted to comment before, and never dared… Just to say that with all the support you have IRL and on here, you WILL see this through to the other side – it may well hurt in the process, but you will find the best way out.
Hugs from a stranger, who feels like a friend
Kristine,
I’m not sure if I can find words to comfort you…I know it’s hard to be comforted when you feel like everything that you have is on the line. But I want you to know that you inspire me everyday to be a better person and I can only hope to start a family as close, funny, friendly, caring, smart, and amazing as yours. I can’t even imagine how overwhelmed you feel right now, so just remember to take a deep breath, and to go one step at a time on this thing. I (and the rest of your blog family) will be with you every step of the way. Hang in there.
Wow, I hope things work out for you!! Keep your chin up.
Hugs to you. Just big, long, comforting hugs.
Hanging in there? Killed the ex yet? What? No? I admire your restraint. ;) *hugs*
I just wanted to check in…
Come visit me so that I can give you a proper hug.
That shit ain’t right.
But your karma will catch up soon enough, girl. Until then, eat some brownies and hold your loved ones close.
I’ll see what I can do about the Mickey voice. Maybe if I surreptitiously video him…would that be wrong?
Sounds to me like your ex knew which buttons to push and pushed them. He manipulated you.
I am so sorry you are in this place right now, Kristine. There are ways around things. There HAS to be ways around some of this.
It may be a long road, but you WILL come out on the other side. YOU WILL.
Hang in there. Let me know how I can help, even if its just to act as a sounding board, ok?
Hugs.
Sorry I am late on this one but I couldn’t post yesterday afternoon or from home last night.
I just want to say that I cannot believe this shit. I don’t know how you don’t kill him. I know you will be alright and everything will work out but it still pisses me off that he is so pathetic to do this to you after you felt sorry for him and saved his ass in front of the lawyers that day. Most women would have taken him for every fucking thing he had. He should consider himself lucky.
Asshole.
I love you girl and you are in my thoughts!
*BIG ASS PISSY HUG* to you!
hugs. no, make that HUGS coming to you, I join Colleen in sending hugs, warmth, good thoughts, and HOPE from NJ
hang in there, darlin’.
and if you can’t, just SCREAM and YELL, but it will be okay.
we love you
I didn’t read through all the comments, but my sister is going through the same thing right now & know that your experience has now cemented it for me that if I ever DO get a divorce, I will go ahead and be the bitch that my mom says I should be – I always said I would cave (like you) if it happened to me, but now I won’t. I’m so sorry – please let me know if there is anything I can do & get a VERY GOOD IRS TAX ATTORNEY!!!! They can help you!
OMG! I am soooo sorry to hear all that you are going through right now! We all make mistakes…hopefully everything will turn out alright in the end! Sometimes you have to hurt people so you dont get hurt! So sorry! I will be thinking about you!
OMG! I am soooo sorry to hear all that you are going through right now! We all make mistakes…hopefully everything will turn out alright in the end! Sometimes you have to hurt people so you dont get hurt! So sorry! I will be thinking about you!
Sorry I am catching up on all the bad stuff now.
Chin up and know that this will work out in the end. I do not know what else to day honestly. You have a great support system in your family and friends and I pray that is enough to get you through.
And find a DAMN GOOD ATTORNEY!!!
Kristine–I am a relative newbie to your blog, but just wanted to send you some HUGS. I agree with what everyone else has said so far.
You will ultimately survive this intact, although perhaps a bit bruised.
You CAN get through this. And stop kicking yourself for all those “I-shouda-dones”–the only thing that comes from kicking your own ass is a broken leg.
Take some deep breaths. Now take some MORE. And know that you will face this head-on, doing whatever needs to be done. You are through playing.