Everything is going to be ALL RIGHT

I read a lot of blogs today. I didn’t comment too much though as I was feeling sorta ‘blah’ for some reason. I swear I need to cut down on my “Extreme Home Makeover” editions.

Someone in a blog said that we only let people see what we want them to see. Very true. I hide the pictures of the part of my house where the baseboards aren’t on because it looks totally ghetto. You will never see how much clothes liter my bedroom floor. NEVER see my shower door (I hate soap scum, but can’t get it off)
You won’t see me naked. You won’t see me in the backyard IN MY BIKINI….did you hear that mom? You will also never know how disorganized I really am, how many nights I wake up out of nightmares, and if you are really lucky you will never know how scared I am every day of my life.

I have a lot of ‘unfinished’ business that I need to take care of.
I took care of my taxes this year. I finally bought my own car. There is just some things in my life that have been left half done and those things are coming back to haunt me. Haunt me in a really big way.

I took Kalki’s advice from her blog today and I wrote a list. I wrote down all the things I need to do to finally take control of my life. I sometimes lack a lot of things, but I never lack HOPE. Those four letters have gotten me through a lot of really hard times. I hoped my way right over to the medicine cabinet and grabbed me a Xanax.

Then after a phone call to my ex where I calmly told him what I needed to tell him, I got up out of bed and logged on to the computer. Torrie was online and she informed me that she sent me something. It took some detective work (oh who am I kidding, she told me) but I found out. Thank You Torrie.

If there is one thing I want from all of this is for you to know how much you all really do mean to me. You have really been there for me and I am grateful to have each one of you here to leave comments, joke with me, or just say, “hi. i lurk, but I am here.” you are my friends, my family, my therapist, my gardener, my sounding board.

Send me some “Hope” people…I just need a little bit more to get through this! :)

When i’m feeling brave enough, I’ll tell you all about it.