Muddy Waters…

Author: randomandodd  |  Category: Random
, by Random and Odd
,, a photo by Random and Odd on Flickr.

I’ve spent the last couple of days watching photography symposiums, lectures and classes and I am so full that I am exploding.
When my teenage friends use to ask me why I felt I needed to go to church, why not just worship at home? I would always tell them that the fellowship I got from being with like minded teens couldn’t be reproduced by just reading my bible at home alone. As I got older and I stopped going to church and surrounding myself with people with that worshipped regularly, I found that I would ask that same question about church. Why surround myself with hypocritical jerks that act one way on Sunday and then treat people like crap the rest of the week?
Because I have been using that as my excuse, God finally said, “FINE!” and he shoved a few people in my life that walk the walk and talk the talk…and they don’t annoy me with, “God Bless You and may he walk with you…blah blah blah.” They are the real deal. If I could hang out with these bitches on Sunday I would totally go to church. No I wouldn’t. I really love them though and I find inspiration from both of them.
I’ve talked about my photo group and how they motivate and inspire me daily. They keep me on my toes and humble. They are my fellowship. The classes are my church.
In this one class I was watching (and taking notes like a mad woman) this photographer was talking about what we are burdened with, what we are blessed with and what we do with our gift. It’s overwhelming at parts and I had to walk away from the computer and jump up and down with frustration. Just when you think you have the technical down, you have a picture shoved in your face and on the spot you have to figure out what stop, what iso, what lens they were using. When they reveal the answer I am sick to my stomach because I was so far off. NO WAY could they possibly get that shot with that light. NO. These photographers are painting with light and I spend so much time frustrated with it. Too much. Not enough. Too high. Too orange. Too shadowy. TOO FLAT.
Some say “no 50!” and some are “decide for yourself.” Ugh. I praise my 50 and I wouldn’t leave my house without it. I need my 1.4 lens like I need air. As I read and watch and see what it is that I love, I realize it’s not weddings. Yes, that is where the money is, but it’s not my passion.
I started doing weddings with a second shooter and then moved into just using an assistant. I think because I am not intimidated by them that I am not pushing myself or challenging myself anymore.
With that, I’ve decided to challenge myself.
I’m going to into some new areas with what I can do and push myself until I am scared shitless.

I’m self assigning new projects and the first month is “Straight from the Camera”.

Yes, I am willing to share this whole process with you. It’s going to be ugly, muddy and weird though.

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