Anger

It feels awkward writing a post about “Anger” when I had a wonderful weekend and the birth of our newest addition.

In order to stay true to going through all the words on the emotion list, I have to keep going.

I’m in a study to help people learn more about MS. I don’t have it so I don’t know if I’m just the control. They asked me so many random questions during an hour long phone conversation. One of them was my behavior as a child. Was I an angry child? Was I happy child?
It’s tough to say, “I don’t know, I didn’t really live in this world.” That one stumped the question lady. “Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry, I was a princess and I lived in a castle.”
She giggled and asked me to clarify. “I had a very active imagination and I think I might have lived in a different place to get through where I really was.”

As a kid, I saw anger. I don’t talk about my childhood too much about it here on my blog. What happened when I was kid falls into the selective memory category. Looking at this way, “If you were me, living with me and living my life…you know what I went through. If I tried to explain it to you, you wouldn’t REALLY understand.” My brothers and sisters get it and they are usually the only people that I talk to. I don’t have to talk, they just know.

Since growing up (a little bit) I have found that anger was always associated with drinking. People weren’t really ‘angry’ unless they were drinking.

I get ‘angry’ when things aren’t fair. When someone takes advantage of someone else because they know they can. I hate that. In the same breath…I take advantage of Dan. Knowing he can fix something, knowing he will jump through fire hoops for his kids and Shaun’s kids, knowing that his heart is as big as it is…I know he will do anything for anyone. Every time I do it, I thank him over and over, but I know…he’s being taken advantage of. I hope someday he meets someone so I know that I can’t do it anymore. She’s going to kick my ass the first time I call her in the middle of the day asking if Dan will fix my brakes or figure out why the water is spurting out from under the sink. She will only be able to put up with so much of me.

This isn’t covering ‘anger’ is it? Sorry. I have nothing. I’m sure one day I will get THROUGHLY pissed off and be able to recall this one and say, “Oh, HAVE I GOT A DOOZY FOR YOU!”

I can say I have been physically violent with people. Mostly the closest people to me. OKAY, FINE…Dan. He totally had it coming to him though.

It seems my anger quickly turns into frustration. I’m angry that Mario Garcia isn’t in the prison he’s designated to go to because he ‘fears for his life’ when he TOOK the life of another. It’s frustration that we haven’t found her.
Christie’s case will be featured on “FORENSIC FILES” tonight. Please take some time to watch it if you can.

And this is where I ask you about ‘anger’. Maybe I will be able to feed off yours and figure out what ‘anger’ really means.