Hi, It’s me, Kristine again. I’m sure you know why I am writing you. The children are driving me crazy and I blame all of it on you now.
The angst in this house is so thick I can cut it with a butter knife. I can’t take it anymore! Mother, please…I beg of you…stop with the wicked laughter, your voodoo dolls and the tossing of chicken bones into a stone bowl. CALL OFF THE CURSE.
If you are unwilling to call off the whole curse can you at LEAST do some sort of reversal magic that will allow the teenagers in this house to stop with the whiny voices, the pouty faces, and the words. OH DEAR GOD…THE WORDS! “Geez!” “GOD!” “WHATEVER!” “YOU SAID!” “DID NOT!” “YES HUH!” “YOU’VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR OVER AN HOUR!” “MOM!” “DAD!” “KRISTINE!” “CAN I?” “WHY NOT?” “OMGYOULOVEHER/HIMMORETHANYOULOVEME!!!”
I know you’re not calling off the part of the curse where they steal..er…MISPLACE all MY stuff or use my room as the room that is the catch-all of all crap that doesn’t belong in any other room.
I probably deserve that part of the curse.
But Mom, for reals. We need to talk about the asking for money and EXPECTING ME TO HAND IT OVER part of the curse. You did not mention this when you cursed me with children just like me.
This girlie is so ready for the boys to start calling. Big stick by the front door. I’m also ready to deal with the not-to-clean cut friends that happen to have cars. I’m even ready for the part where she THINKS her ass is going to sneak out this house. I AM READY. BRING IT ON.
Until then though…what the hell is this purgatory you have me sitting in? this angsty, life sucks, do i really have to do my chores? I want to live with the other parent part of the curse?
STOP WITH THE ANGST. Mother. Please. Cut me some slack. It’s only fair, I have your panic disorder gene and I also have your ass. THAT was not a part of the deal either. What in the world did I ever tell you that would curse me with your ass?
Okay, that is all for now.
Love,
Kristine- your ever so humble and loving daughter
20 responses to “Dear Mom,”
What, it’s not all pink bows and tutu’s and sisterly love with a bunch of teenage girls? Say it ain’t so!
The fights they have over freakin’ Converse shoes make me want to tear my hair out.
Oh yeah and first, bitches :)
Are you living my life.
Just experienced this entire scenario over dinner! We have Seven (yes 7) between us and 5 are teens! I’m ready to pull my hair out and run screaming! I’m also sick, but thank god nothing like your going through!
Would love to have my Mom’s small ass though! Didn’t get that!
*hand on forehead* Calgon…how much of this shit do I need to pour in the fucking tub for you to take me away?
i feel like i say the same thing over & over when i comment here. (probably why i don’t do so more often…) but you seriously make me laugh. doesn’t matter what kind of day i’m having, i come here & i read, and the way you phrase things *kills* me.
I loved LOVED the part about your room being a catch all. Mine is too and it drives me nuts. I feel your pain as I have two teenage daughters and two younger daughters as well. Wanna be roommates at the funny farm?
BWAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!!
But the children are so lovely. Are you sure you aren’t making this all up?
I am irrationally jealous of those tall, thin girls you are raising. Mostly the tall thing. Although, they could be 5.5 and I would think they were tall, so what do I know?
LOL, sounds just like my house Kristine!
19, 15, and 11!
You are funny.
How could those beautiful Teenage girls drive you crazy…BWAHHH
Kate, who is going to end up with 6 girls all worse than she ever was!
So is this how ALL mothers / stepmothers feel about their teenage daughters / stepdaughters???
Cuz I’ve got the same shit going on at my house sister!!! The. Same. Shit.
Oh, and I got my mom’s ass too. WTF? Sure, I wanted her boobs…but NO ONE told me that the ass came with the package. Ugh!
Hahhaaha, so sorry,,,too funny.
Well, being the perfect daughter that I am, I can point out one really bad mistake you made that one time mom went out of town and you stole her really good book by Joan Collins, you know the one.
Can you imagine poor mom, going on vacation, thinking “oh now I can finish my book” and whaddaya know,,,, it’s not in her suitcase where she put it. That might be why you got her ass. Just guessing.
Love ya, xoxoxox
I think you need more kids.
Internet, what do you think??
Kidding.
I feel your pain, we just had to sit Spencer down and discuss things he may or may not be doing with his new blonde girlfriend.
Nice.
I about passed out.
You crack me up!
Welp sorry my dearest, but I am agreeing with Pissy on this one! More kids, that is the cure! Maybe there will be just one who isn’t as fucked up as you are! lol j/k you have great kids! Its called being a teenager, and the hard part about it is you have 2, count ’em 2, at the age of 13. They are going to fight until you kill one of them. Tis the truth. As far as Mom’s ass, well I got my Mom’s too. ***sigh. But the only thing I can be happy about, My daughter has my ass! =) The curse continues without even trying. Try it, look at the girls, see every horrible flaw you think you have. Then just laugh, because they are next! The cycle continues!
Kara will turn against me later and become on of those successful photographer/reporters and won’t have kids. Her ass will stay as junky as it is right now. I JUST KNOW IT.
ROFLMFAO! Yes,Yes There is a God someday you are going to say the exact same thing!!!! Hang in there this too soon will pass…. Love You…x0x0x0x0x0
It’s so good to know I’m not alone! I’m thinking I should ship my girls off to you for a while, they’d blend in so well you probably wouldn’t notice them for a day or two.
Save some of that Calgon for me!
Hee.
Oh, that’s all.
OMG I could have written this!
The good news is, they DO outgrow it eventually. Mine are both in their 20’s now, and both responsible adults. My daughter is in the army. My son holds down a full-time job, will be married in June, and has re-enrolled in college.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and perhaps, for once, it’s not the headlamp of the oncoming train.
MG