hello lungs, it’s me…Kristine

I decided after watching a lot of the late night infomercials that after 35 things need to be taken note of. Like, “You shouldn’t take … if you’re 35 and smoke.” “If you’re 35 and smoke, please consult your doctor.” “You can NOT take this if you’re 35 and still smoking like a house on fire.”

I decided about 3 months ago that I was going to quit smoking on my 35th birthday, because that is what the television told me to do. Do not smoke after you’re 35 or you won’t be able to take all the pills later in life that is going to make me die healthier.

This was the plan; Kara’s birthday is Friday and mine is Saturday. I have a wedding to shoot on Saturday (yes, ON my birthday) so I was going to quit on Kara’s birthday. What a gift to give your child. Your mother around longer. Whooopie.

So Thursday night, the lungs and I were going to get all dressed up and hit the town. A little bit of the bar scene, a tad of trippin’ the light fantastic and a stroll around a smoky casino. It was going to be a fabulous time had by all. I was going to send the people at Phillip and Morris pictures of the night and they were going post it on a billboard for all the world to enjoy. It would be me and my slightly charred lungs with a top hat and me in my shaker girl costume dancing and smoking. Can you hear the music and see the lights?

And then the cold hit. Last night I only had one smoke and went to bed. This morning I got a visit from left lung. He came flying up out of my throat after some strange half cough, half sneeze maneuver.

”Whoa! Dude.” He said. “Do you know how many times I thought you were going to actually do that in High School? I mean, cough up a lung?!”
”Hi lung.” I say. I mean, what do you say to a lung you have abused your whole life?
”Hey, about Thursday.” He shuffles around a bit, “I’m not feeling much like going out. I know we made plans, but damnnnnnn that cold really kicked my ass and I’m not thinking I can withstand one of your all night smoking binges. Especially if you decide to go with the 100’s. I don’t think I can handle it. We are almost 35 you know?”

”Yeah, that’s why I wanted to have a party.” I know my lungs are right. It doesn’t change the fact that I wanted one last hoorah with them before I put down the lighter forever. “How about this? I quit smoking now, but I get a mulligan later in life? Just one hoorah out of the blue for no reason? Deal?”

My lung didn’t look convinced. “No way. You did that to me after you stopped smoking for like 5 years. Do you remember how trashed I was? I couldn’t even function right for days.”

”So this is it? That lame cigarette I smoked last night was THEE last smoke? I didn’t even enjoy it. My throat hurt and I couldn’t even taste it. “

“Yep.”

And so begins the task of a life of smoke free living…and trying to figure out how to get my left lung back into my chest cavity.