God, just take me NOW!

Welcome to Day Four of SICK.

Not the sissy ‘cough,cough’ ‘sneeze’ sick. I’m talking, “GOD, I DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE SNOT LEFT IN MY BODY! EITHER TAKE ME NOW OR MAKE ONE OF THESE 5 DIFFERENT TYPES OF MEDICINES WORK!”

I have taken every color pill or liquid possible in the last 4 days and NOTHING seems to work. I will be happy if I can live the rest of my life without hearing the sound of myself SNIFFLING!

By the way…all those boxes. EMPTY.

This might be the last day I am alive and I am not going out without getting some shit off my really congested chest.

This is a disclaimer: If you know me, know the person I once was married to, have relations with that person or even just like him a little bit…STOP READING NOW. I’m about ready to say some not so nice things about him and I have to because he is a fucking dumb ass, I’m sick and like I said, this cold might kill me by noon today.

He’s a fucking dumb ass.
I can’t go into the depths of his random acts of stupidity because I really don’t think Blogger has enough space on the server for all that information.

I leave for work every morning before the girls are even out of bed. DA (dumb ass) drives them to school. This means that my daughters have to start calling him at 5 am so he is up and moving and can get them to school at 7:40 am (school starts at 7:50 am SHARP). On a perfect day, it’s 5 minutes from the time Tyler leaves for High School and when DA shows up. The thing is…i’ve been home all this week (albeit a drugged up, snotty & crabby version of my normal self) and he doesn’t leave his house until 7:38 am. It takes a good ten minutes to drive from his house to mine. It takes another 7 minutes to get from my house to the part of the school they get dropped off at. THERE IS NO WAY MY KIDS MAKE IT TO SCHOOL ON TIME WITH HIM AS THE OTHER PARENT!
I called him this morning in between coughing and sneezing attacks to see when he left. It was 7:40 am. I drove them to school.
I’m tired. I’m tired of him being the other parent of my children. I’m tired of getting them back on Monday morning after their weekend with him and having to reverse every single thing. I’m tired of hearing HIS views on life, love and religion come out of THEIR mouth. I’m tired of him teaching them through his actions that it’s okay to be late, to fib a little & make excuses.

The final straw this morning is when he is sitting on my couch and I tell the girls to take their bowls to the sink and rinse them out, and not to pour the cereal in the right hand side of the sink (the left side is the garbage disposal side).
He goes into this theatrical monologue about how I had finally learned that lesson. I stared at him for the longest time trying to figure out what the fuck he’s talking about. He looks at me so seriously and then looks at the girls and says, “I tried to teach your mommy that for years!”

What?

Don’t get me wrong, I have faults, I know I have faults. BUT WHO THE HELL IS HE TO SAY THAT TO MY KIDS?
This is the man who’s apartment is so crammed pack full of shit that you can’t find anything. There is barely ANY standing room in that place. AND DISHES! No he doesn’t have dishes because he DOESN’T HAVE FOOD IN HIS HOUSE! He feeds them McDonalds and Wendy’s chicken McNuggets for dinner EVERY night!

I keep saying it, I keep saying, “I can’t do this with him being the other parent.” but I do. I do. I throw up my hands in frustration because everything I try to teach them just goes RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW everytime he spends 5 minutes with them. AND HE’S MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PERSON TO MY GIRLS.

Breath, breath, breath. I know i’m not a bad parent. I know that’s all that matters. I know my girls love me and when they are older they will see all this in clarity. But RIGHT NOW…I am heated!

He was telling Shea a story about her super-gluing me to my chair AS IF HE WAS THERE. HE WAS NOT THERE! That was me and the girls and that is MY time with them. That was my time when I was learning what it was like to be a single parent. That is mine. I own that memory. He was saying, “You thought mommy needed to stay in her chair so you could crawl out of your play pen so you super glued her to the chair!!”
That is NOT what happened. It makes me so angry that he’s taking MY memories and making them his own…or even worse, OURS. Like he was there. NO, he wasn’t there, that was MY apartment, MY chair, MY ASS SUPER GLUED TO MY CHAIR.

It’s been years since I walked out that marriage. I had lame ass reasons and excuses at the time for wanting out, but the one that has always stuck with me was this:
“I do all this work to make sure the girls are raised right and he comes in and screws it all up EVERY DAY. It doesn’t matter what I teach them, he counters it. When I finally get the nerve to leave, i’m going to raise my girls the way they should be raised and I won’t have to keep reteaching them every single day.”
How fucking stupid of me to think that I could actually do that and have him NOT mess everything up on a daily basis?

Thank you Shaun. Thank you for being a part of my crazy, messed up life. Thank you for being a constant in the girls life. Thank you for knowing it’s okay to be Simon Cowell at bed time. Thank you for being the bad guy. Thank you for always backing me up when I lay down the law. Thank you for being the goofy one when I get to serious. Without you, I don’t think I could make it through days like this.

I can’t think of anyone else I would want to help me raise my girls.