I don’t want this to be my life! I don’t want to be this person I’m turning into.  As every minute passes I am getting colder and colder. Last night I thought something to myself;  I will never trust another person for as long as I live because I believed that someone knew ME, the real me, and despite my blinding flaws wanted to marry anyway.  He had his mountain of baggage and hidden flaws and I agreed to love him for the rest of my life.  Now it’s all bullshit.
On our wedding day the only people in our wedding party was us and our kids. We were getting married as a family. He took those vows to all of us.  He prided himself on being there for the kids and making them laugh when they were crying.  He’s the one that is causing the tears and like an idiot-shit I am, I’m convincing the girls that they should go hang out with him..not for them, but for him.

There are a few blessings I can find throughout the day.

I was pretty certain that I had touched on every single emotion out there, but I figured out one that I won’t be feeling … Guilt. I am not feeling guilt.  That one isn’t mine. I will not own that one.
That shit will eat you up inside and at least I can fall asleep at night with that fiery guilt and shame coursing through my body.