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Normally I reserve Wednesdays for the ‘lazy’ part of my blog where I ask you all to plan my wedding for me. So far, you’ve guys have kicked ass and kept me on track.

I have been having weird dreams lately. My sister, Mother Nature’s dreaming freak, has been having the QUOTE weird /QUOTE dreams. Mine are more things that I don’t think about unless I dream about them.

A couple of nights ago I dreamt that I was pulling into the grocery center by my house and I saw a cop putting a ticket on my ex-husband’s motorcycle.

When I met my ex-husband back in 1990 he was riding that motorcycle and after we moved to Sacramento and it got stolen, wrecked and returned, he never rode it again. He use to tinker with it in the garage and sometimes I would hear him start it.
The sound that use to give me tingles, now made me want to secretly sabotage it while he was at work. I was afraid that if he got it running again, he would actually ride it…and then die.

In my dream I pulled up next to the cop and started making excuses for my ex.
“Excuse me officer, I’m sure he didn’t mean to park it there, if you give me a minute I can move the bike to my house so he doesn’t have to get a ticket.”
I’m guessing in my dreams I can ride a motorcycle, because the last time I actually rode the motorcycle I laid it down…hard.
The officer looked at me and said, “I really don’t think you have to worry about it ma’am. He won’t be riding the bike anytime soon.”
The officer then could see that I misunderstood and tried to explain it, “No, he’s fine. I’m sure he will be out of jail soon.”
I begged with the officer to explain to me what had happened and he couldn’t tell me.
In my loudest outside voice I yelled, “I HAVE THREE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN AND IF YOU DON’T TELL ME AND YOU PUT MY KIDS AT RISK, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!”
“He was driving while intoxicated.”
In my dream, I called Dan on the phone to see if he would tell me about it without me asking and he wasn’t going to tell me.
“YOU DUMB ASS!” I yelled at him. “HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID!?”

That was what the conversation went like in my dream. It’s also just like the conversation we had when I called him the morning to tell him what a bastard he was in my dream.
“I HAD A DREAM YOU GOT A DUI! YOU ARE SUCH A DUMB ASS! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WERE DRIVING DRUNK….ON.A.MOTORCYCLE!”
Dan is pretty much use to my crazy dream episodes. The whole duration of our marriage, if he didn’t hear ‘whoa, I just had the weirdest dream.’ first thing in the morning, he would check for a pulse.
“So you had a dream I got a DUI? That’s not as good as the dream I had.”
Still calming down, I stepped right into the question, “What did you dream about?”
“Twins….”

Last night I had a dream that Kara was mad at me because I was too protective and she wanted to go live with her Dad. I freaked out. I couldn’t believe it. Her whole life I have done everything to keep her safe and protect her from the evils of mean little kids picking on her, stinky boys and kissing before she was 30. HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME!? She YELLED at me in my dream. My daughters don’t EVER raise their voice to me…and in this dream she was and saying HORRIBLE things.
So in my dream, after Kara sped off in a red sports car…I called her dad. “HOW CAN YOU DO THIS? HOW CAN YOU JUST STEAL HER AWAY WITH YOUR FANCY NEW PHONES!?”

Dan bought Kara a Sidekick cell phone. It has EVERYTHING. She’s, of course, grounded from it until she brings up her grades. This is what she has with her Dad, cool things. I don’t have cool things to offer.

Shaun and I had a conversation today about someone who is very insecure in their role in life. I wondered how one could cope with thinking that the world was out to get you. That you had to behave like a child to get people to pay attention to you.
I got off the phone disgusted that grown adults could act like complete idiots because of their insecurities.
I’m very secure as my role as my children’s mother. If by some freak accident someone fell in love with my ex and he got remarried and the woman wasn’t a raging lunatic, I would be happy that the kids would have another strong, woman role model in their lives.
I know that my ex is somewhat secure in his role as my children’s father. He knows they love him. He knows they love Shaun and honestly, I know he likes Shaun too.
I’m also very secure in my role as a friend. I’m a great friend and if you’re my friend you don’t have to worry about forgetting to call me back. You don’t have to call me everyday to make sure we are still friends.

I’m a VERY secure person.

So after my crazy dream this morning I called my ex. “You’re going to have to stop buying the kids cool things. Really, Dan…it’s out of control. You know they love me more. No really, they do. Stop laughing! THAT IS IT! I have had enough! Stop saying they love you more, THEY LOVE ME MORE YOU BIG DUMB ASS!”

When they get home today I am going to tell them that if they write, “I love Mommy more than Daddy.” I will let them remain in the wedding as the flower girls.