Further Proof…

I updated the SPF list.

It’s something sort of simple I think.

Next week is going to be WAY harder and you’re going to hate me because I am going to make you think out of the box.

I need to climb inside myself and find some outlet and I think taking pictures and writing is going to help me out. I have been holding back. I always say, “My words are my own and I won’t stop writing because someone didn’t like what I had to say.”
The truth is, I have stopped writing what I would want to write about if I had the freedom to write about what I want to write about.

WHOA. run on sentence. Did ANYONE understand what I just wrote?

At night when I can’t sleep I write posts in my head. I’m totally honest and I say what I really want to write about. I think about the way I would phrase my feelings. Then I remember that I no longer have that option because if I open my mouth and write about what I think about…I would get yelled at. I would be taken the wrong way. I would be told that I am disrespectful. I would be the bad guy.

I do write down these feelings and a handful of people know where I stash them. I haven’t written about how I really feel in a long time because I feel like I am ‘bitching’ or ‘venting’.
Last night I almost crawled out of my bed and wrote the thoughts I had my head, but I opted to just get some Sierra Mist and watch Headline News.

In order to get back to me, I am going to start writing more personal things. So, please…if you’re my step son, my exhusband, Shaun’s ex, Dan’s ex, my kids, their friends…or anyone that really doesn’t want to know me and hear about the shit that is eating me up inside…you’re going to have to stop reading my blog.

Starting today, I’m not censoring myself anymore and I’m sorry Shaun…but you’re probably going to break off the engagement and put me in a looney bin.
Mom, I swear, no matter how honest I get…I will not post the picture of you getting off the toilet I got this weekend, even though it’s a super artistic picture and you have the most adorable look on your face…I will not post the picture of my mother on the toilet. or the one of Shaun in the shower.

You’ve been warned.