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I love life today. Why…do you ask? Because I just convinced Pissy Britches that in the state of California you have to have the last name listed on anything you ship. I also added, just to be a bitch that you need to have the extra four digits of a zip code.

Why do you ask am I doing this? Because I have missed having someone around that I could bullshit. I miss it SOO much, and Pissy is cool about it. After she cusses you out she always threats that she will get you back, but you know she never will. It’s cute.

She wants me to buy a new keyboard. One that is…arahg..auraph…arrrrag….OH HELL, what’s the word for, ‘it won’t fuck up your wrists because they split it in two and made it look like the keyboard was warped in the sun’?
I told her that I wasn’t going to buy one. I like my jacked up keyboard that the whole bottom row of letters are worn off. It’s fun to watch Shaun try to hunt and peck his way through an email.
Pissy decided she would just buy me one. Like the baby I am, I told her no and I don’t like those ugly keyboards with the cute little letters all over them. I like mine. She said she would ship it to Shaun.

You know the feeling when you’re about to hit bingo? – – – hmmm, maybe not. Okay, how about the moment someone is going to unwrap a present you KNOW they are going to love and you get that excited feeling?
I got that, because I felt a good ‘bullshitting’ coming on.
“Well Pissy, it looks like you’re screwed because ONE: you don’t have his last name and TWO: you need to have the four digit zip code extention.”
“Well, I will just put SHAUN.”
“In the State of California, you need to have the last name.” I wait to see what she will say next.
“SHIT!”
Oh yeah…that was fun. I miss stuff like that, because I now live with the human joke box.

I’m going on day four of “Famous Names” with ‘Cita. It’s where you start with a famous name: Sandra Bullock. You then take the B from Bullock and the next name has to start with it. Bob Newhart. Take the N from Newhart and start the next name: Natalie Portman. You get the picture. This game can last forever.
I got stuck on O. We have used every O name in the book. I was on the phone with ‘Cita getting ready for bed and I quietly asked Shaun for an “O” name. Shaun is the human ESPN databanks. He has every name and stat for every sport (except Golf) since before he was born. There MUST be an baseball player that starts with an O.

“Shhhh, Shaun…Olivia? Oliver?” I whisper.
“Oliver Klosoff.” He offers up.
“Who’s that?” I whisper so ‘Cita won’t hear me.
“German Poet.” he says and then turns away.
I very confidently say into the phone, “Oliver Klosoff.”

and then the laughing starts.

Oliver Klosoff.

I have met my bullshitting match and the man I am going to marry someday because of it.