I know I have mentioned that I am mean ass bitch

My ex-husband called to talk today.
He didn’t have anything important to tell me, he just felt like chatting.

He doesn’t have a lot of friends and I think I might be his only real friend out there so I put up with his rambling stories about work and people at school. I was doodling a picture of a field of flowers and by the time he was done with his story about the rattlesnakes at this one cellular site he was working on, the doodle had turned into something Monet would have been proud of.

I was listening. Honestly I was. “Rattlesnakes huh?”
“Yeah, I thought it was bigger than it was, but after I looked at it….”
I started imagining all the things I had to do today. I need to call the tow truck company and get my dad’s car out of the driveway…focus on the conversation, Kristine.
“So Robert was SO freaked out that he wouldn’t even walk out to his truck. He doesn’t like rattlesnakes at all. I just thought was funny as hell.”

and then for some reason I said, “Did you start quacking?”
“Excuse me?”
I repeat, “Did you start quacking…like a duck?”
“Why would I quack like a duck, Kristine?”
I don’t know where I come up with this shit, really I don’t. I think it might have heard it when I was little and believed it. “Snakes don’t like ducks. If you quack they will turn around and slither off.”
“Hmmm, I had never heard that before.”
In my best Cliff Clavin tone I say, “Yep, common knowledge there Danny-boy. Snakes don’t like ducks.”

Now i’m sitting here with this evil grin on my face, imagining my ex husband and his 3 employees walking around the cellular site….quacking.