too serious.

I picked up a actual book yesterday. I didn’t feel like sitting in front of the television any longer and the computer was taken.

For someone who has as many books as I do, I don’t really have any books I want to read. There is only so many times I can read, “A Confederacy of Dunces” and “The Essential Rumi” before it starts getting predictable.

I grabbed those books and a few others and I took the girls out to the park. When I got to the park I realized I had grabbed a book that my neighbor had let me borrow a long time ago when he was trying to impress me with the fact that he could actually read or he had ‘worked’ through his issues and had all the answers when it came to ‘affairs’.

The book is called Sexual Detours. The Startling truth behind Love, Lust and Infidelity. By Dr. Holly Hein.
My neighbor’s therapist suggested he read it to help him through this rough time. I think he gave it to me to help me understand WHY I had mine.
To be honest, I didn’t care why I had mine. It worked and I was on the road to recovery. Or so I thought.

A sexual detour [affair] has little to do with sexual chemistry and a lot to do with the chemistry of escape.

DUH! You would have to a moron to not be able to see that. OH-KAY, I’m a moron. I didn’t see it at the time. I saw the chemistry of feeling ALIVE and feeling PASSION.
I realize now, years later that it was all about getting the hell out of a situation I didn’t want to be in anymore.

Now let’s read further and figure out WHY I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore. Let’s dig deeper and find out the core of why I am the way I am and why I did the things I do, and MAYBE find out that there is no hope for me…that I will be forever doomed in a relationship because of this one…..OR we can put the book back in the garage where I found it.

I’m not good at delving deeper into my ‘self’ to figure out what’s wrong. Sometimes you just know that something is wrong and you need to get out that situation.
Sometimes you just stay in that situation thinking that it will get better or think that after it’s over you’ll be able to say, “Whoa, that sucked.” and be able to move on.
The huge part we are leaving out is the ‘getting out’ part. That’s the part that tends to hurt people. That’s the part that comes back later and haunts you.
How many relationships have you ended and said, “Yeah, that well PERFECTLY.”
I can only think of one that I ended perfectly and it involved me chucking a glass of Captain Morgan at someone’s head. The part I regret was not having better aim…and timing- I should I have done it sooner.

Did I mention I suck at ‘self help’? This has become my self help. I tried to read the books that will help me figure out what to do to make things all better…but I get about to the part where the person that wrote the book starts sounding like a pompous know it all and I just put it down.

Have any of the ‘self help’ books helped you in any certain circumstance in your life?

I would like to think that I could actually be able to pick up one of these books, read it cover to cover and be able to fix myself. To be able to understand the anxiety and frustrations. To be able to ‘soul whisper’ myself into not reacting to certain situations and be able to achieve the things I want to without feeling like I am a failure.

Whoa. deep.

I’ll update the ‘SPF’ stuff to balance out the playful and the serious.