It’s almost been a week…i’m over it.

I don’t vent too much on here. I would LOVE to just GO THE FUCK off sometimes, but I try to stay fair. I don’t talk politics, I don’t talk celebrity trash, I don’t dish out advice about stuff I don’t know anything about. Today, I have a build up of ‘vent’ I need to get out about a few things.

First: The Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise thing – You know how they have those websites and t-shirts for Katie begging her to save herself and run as fast as she can away from Tom?
One question: WHERE WERE THESE PEOPLE WHEN I WAS ENGAGED? huh? Where were the SAVE KRISTINE T-shirts???

and on that note, my ex-husband.

Many of you know that my ex husband is a dolt. No, that didn’t come out right. I think I have been saying it in my head so much I just had to type it.
Many of you know that my ex husband is a dolt. DAMN, I did it again.
*Clearing throat*
Many of you know my ex husband is a…..student. He’s taking Cisco training classes every Saturday and because of it I have the kids every weekend.
I not only have OUR kids, I have his son from his girlfriend (before we met)
He’s 14 years old and I have been his step mother since before he was born. I have had to deal with his freak of nature mother for the last 15 years even though I am not married to Dan anymore.

I thought about changing her name to protect her or myself from her finding this, but truly there is nothing I can say in here that would shine her in a light that worse than what she does to herself…and honestly I hope she finds this and reads this and realizes she is about as mature as 10 year old.

Last weekend we went to the lake. Since I have been reduced to a ‘baby sitter’ every other weekend I decided I wasn’t going to sit around and wait for the dolt to get out of school before I could go do something so I drug all the kids out to the lake.

Dan left Ryan his cell phone so Ryan could get a hold of his freak of nature mother when she called…which she will do…about 57 times A DAY.
While Ryan was out swimming, CAB (Crazy Ass Bitch) called. When I answered the phone she instantly goes on ‘bitch’ mode. She has about 2 modes though: dumb mode and bitch mode. I like the mute mode, but I don’t seem to have that option anymore.

“uh…this is CAB, can I talk to Dan?” now when she says ‘Dan’ she sounds like she has plugged her nose and is trying to speak through her forehead. Daaaannn. It’s the most whiney sound that has ever escaped a man, woman, child and dolphin.
“Nope, he’s at work.” I answer.
“Well then can I talk to Ryan?” Now when she says ‘Ryan’ it’s more of a possession sound. Like when you talk about your car or your cat…it BELONGS to you so you say it with possession.
“He’s in the middle of the lake.” I say ‘middle’ to freak her out. I’m mean like that.
“He’s WHERE?” that whine has reached levels only dogs can hear now.
“I took them to the lake, he’s out swimming with the girls.”
“Fine. Just have Dan call me when he gets off work.”

Five phone calls later (i’m not kidding, ask my friend ‘Cita, she was there!) she is now PISSED off because *I* have Dan’s cell phone and *I* am answering it.

He’s late. Dan’s always late. He will always be late. He couldn’t show up on time if someone else drove him. He’s one of those guys. I’ve known him for 16 years and he’s never changed. She’s known him for just as long and she knows he’s ALWAYS late. …. but this time…I HAVE HIS CELL PHONE.
“He told me he was going to get off work at 4:30 pm!” she hisses. (i’m likening her to a snake)
“He told me to meet him at 6 pm.”
“UGH! well, he needs to call me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!”
I call him and tell him that she’s fucking PISSED off and he better call her.

Dan shows up at the lake and he’s annoyed. He tells me that he finally called her from his work phone (blocked his number because if she has that number she will call it 57 times in a day!!)
and because *I* had the cell phone all day long that he was ‘playing’ games with her and because of it he doesn’t get to see Ryan anymore on Mondays.
I tell him to calm down and go see an attorney about getting a visitation schedule set up that she can’t break. I also point out that just because we have such a good co-parenting relationship he’s seeing how immature she is. She uses Ryan to get what she wants and to punish Dan when she’s mad at him.

WELL, then after he leaves and we pack up our stuff to go and i’m on my happy ride home with 7 kids crammed into my van I get a phone call.

“Kris, this is CAB…you better tell Dan that if he isn’t here in FIVE MINUTES I’M DRIVING BACK TO REDDING!”
then she hangs up on me.

You all think i’m fair, nice, polite…sweet. You’re wrong. I am a mean ass bitch that would have swung that car around and drove my ass to Williams to beat the living fuck out of that bitch.
but i’m also poor and I had just enough gas to get my ass home.

Instead I call her back. I’m the mature one right? Then why am I shaking like a leaf with anger?

“CAB, this is KrisTINE. I don’t mind relaying messages back and forth between you and Dan, but I don’t want you to threaten…” _beep_ The bitch hung up on my ass AGAIN.

I called back and someone else answered and I relayed the message very calmly to the other person she had answer the phone.
“I don’t want to be threatened. If she wants to call and leave a message that she would like to get to Dan, I am more than willing to pass that message along. I will not tolerate threating messages.” I was SO damn mature about it. I sounded SOOOOO mature and calm.

In the back of my mind I was saying, “OH HELL NO YOU DIDN’T BITCH! I WILL COME UP THERE AND KICK YOU IN THE MOUTH! DON’T YOU EVER CALL ME AGAIN YOU HOOKER ASS BITCH!”

I was so mature though. I thought of what I would say to her if her slimy ass ever called me again, but I am thinking I am going to just email her something…oh yeah, dumb ass doesn’t have email.

If any of you know this CAB though, please pass this message on to her,

Dear CAB,
I know you hate me because you’re 40 years old and you still live with your parents and I am much younger than you are and I have my own home. I know you also hate me because you think I stole your future with Dan away. I totally understand the anger. I was 18 years old when I met him and didn’t know my future from a hole in the ground. I tried to give him back to you. Trust me, YOU CAN HAVE HIM. I got the best part of him anyway.

I also know you hate it when your son is at my house. You think I am brainwashing him into thinking I am a better mother for him and he will want to come live with me. I was his step mother for many years and he knows I am a better parent and he still wants to live with you, that should say something. Besides, I don’t have enough room in my house for another teenager, you can keep him.

I’ve moved on. It’s been like 6 or 7 years since Dan and I split up and I have moved on. I’ve let go of all the mean ass shit you did and said to me. I have let go of all the bullshit you brought to my marriage. I have tried to not bring in all the horrible things you did to me into my current relationship, but it’s hard. I have though. I’ve let it go. You need to grow up and do the same thing. You have hurt Ryan at least 17 times in the past year because you wouldn’t let him spend time with his Dad because you “thought” I might actually show up.
I’ve never done anything harmful to anyone, including you or anyone you know for you to be such a control freak.

Lastly, you’re a stalker. This can’t come as a surprise to you. The fact that you drove all around town until you found that guys car and then when he saw you casing his apartment you pretended that you were visiting a friend.
The time when we lived in Redding in those townhouses and you use to drive through our apartment complex at least 5 times a day? yeah. STALKER. Jennifer and I would sunbath on the roof and watch you. It was entertaining in a sick way.
The way you would drive by Gold Street Liquors when Dan was working. Come on…once or twice is one thing, but every ten minutes is just freaky.
And bringing your newborn son into the store and showing him off to his Dad and then when you got home would call him and say, “Now if you don’t leave Kris, you’re never going to see your son again!” is just wrong.

You need help. You’re going to die an old woman who is alone and bitter. Get on some pills, go see a therapist…or take Tom’s advice and go check out Scientology.

But, back the fuck off of me.

Thank you,
Kristine