I had a really, really long conversation with an old friend that I was no longer friends with anymore and we talked about a ton of shit that happened that ended our relationship.
Was it a needed conversation? No. Did I need to hear it? Not really. Am I glad I did? Naw.
I’ve been in therapy for awhile now and I am able to embrace my glorious flaws and I have accept what I can hear and what I don’t want to hear. Do I need to hear about how shitty I was 20 years ago? Nope. Do I need to hear how I am acting shitty right now? Yeah.
Did it make me feel better to tell this person that i had lost myself in them, turned into Meredith Gray…Pick me, love me, choose me. I had made myself smaller, quieter and more palatable and in the end I was still broken. I didn’t like the person I was when I was with them, I’m not a big fan of the person I am because of them. So why have the long talk? Because I have grown into who I am now and I wanted to get to know the person they are now.
Honestly I think it actually made things worse.
In a way it did make my stand on things stronger.
I know what I want and what I don’t want.
I know what matters and what doesn’t. It doesn’t really make it easier to navigate, but at least I am on the right path.
Never again will I be that weak woman I was.