Well, that was an interesting conversation…

Ever get the chance to tell someone something you have wanted to tell them for years, but couldn’t because it wasn’t acceptable and possibly rude?  I finally got to do it.  Did it feel as good as I hoped it would? No.
In return though, I got complete honesty which opened a dialog that actually brought me new insight to the situation I am currently in.

I would say, “because I don’t want people to feel_____” and then got interrupted with, “You can’t control what people feel. Stop living your life the way you want because you’ll feel bad if people take it the wrong way or get the wrong idea. STOP giving a fuck about how other people feel about you.”

HA!

This is a conversation I have had over and over with other people and it goes something like this.  When you meet me, or I am having a great day you meet this woman who is one of those people that is fun to be around, great to talk to, you have a deep connection with them even if you just met them.
I would LOVE a me to hang out with because I am funny and just say whatever comes to mind. I am honest and straight forward.
That’s when the battery is charged and the stars have aligned just right.  The majority of the time I just want to be left alone. I read anything that someone will put in front of me and say, “I loved this and I think you will too.”  I tend to wander off and don’t mind just exploring by myself. I can go days without speaking to another human if given the wonderful opportunity.
So they meet this person who is ‘on’ and then when I turn ‘off’, they feel like I have deceived them.
I have found that if I hide that “ON” from people and just be the bridge troll I become after my social battery has been depleted that will save me from disappointing people.

I was told to not give a fuck.

BUT I HAVE ALL THE FUCKS TO GIVE.  Most people are all out by now, but because I am a people pleaser I wear them as armor.

I guess I will learn how to not.