Random and Odd

2012 Thankful Listing



2, originally uploaded by Random and Odd.

I did one of these last year. A few things have changed, but mostly it’s about the same.
Still miss Kara, still love Lester, still love my car even though it’s not running right now, still happy the kids are healthy.

Looking back at this year, I think I am most grateful of friendship. Being devoted to something and the Serenity prayer.

First is friendship. This year I ended a friendship and it was worth every single penny I lost because of it. It was one of those eye opening losses and I struggled with it until I had talked to another friend and it was the same way their friendship ended and I realized it wasn’t just me that got burned and I felt okay with it and then was able to let go.
Right at this time I met Victoria. I didn’t really have any intention of having another friend. I was going dig myself into my hole and not let another person in.
She came over and helped me paint my new place and then we started running together and a friendship was formed.
I took the time to look around at the people in my life and how I was still surrounded by the goodness of friendship and how one is taken away only to be replaced with someone that can fill that hole and wipe that smudge of toxic filth off your lens so you can fully see how lucky you are.

I’m grateful for being devoted to something. In April I was lucky enough to run with Gordon and we talked through email and he said, “Lester is a natural, you will need to keep at it.” …I told Lester this and he was afraid I would be discouraged. In the least. It’s been almost a year and I am the one still out there running and trying and dragging people with me. He does do some races and I am grateful for that.
This week I was out running the trails and I hit the part of the trail where him and I got deep in our conversation and it reminded me of his words and I smiled because here I am…still at it.

The Serenity prayer is something I have shortened so I can grab it when I start to feel discouraged.
Can I change this? What can I change about what I feel about this? If I can’t control it, I can control my response to it.

I’m going to always be the person that loves too much. I’m going to be the person that hugs. I am going to be the person that lets in stray people in my life because they are misunderstood and I am going to take the side of the hurting person.
Because of this, I get hurt.
I’m not going to be loved back the way I love. I am not going to be the person that gets a random hug and I am going to be left out of feeling things I wish I could.
I can’t control that, but what I can control is the ability to give what I am given and no more.

It’s enough. for now…but I have the courage to change it.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!