I was watching HGTV awhile ago and they had this woman who had a box of pictures of what she wanted when it came to the design of her home.  Ideas she had seen in the years leading up to the day when she would be able to create her home. The designers were annoyed and didn’t go with a single idea of hers, but her annoying box got me thinking about her vision for her future.
As of late, I am for the first time making plans for my future.  I am the kind of person that lives each day and what happens, happens. I will go where the wind takes me.  WELL, that has been great up until now.  Now I need to figure out how the second half of my life is going to play out.

I want my own space to call my own. I have 40 years worth of memories, things I have bought, things that I see that make me smile and things that have made up my homes that my children have lived and been loved in.  It’s weird to think of sharing a space with someone again, it’s terrifying to think of moving into someone else’s space and them not into mine.   The complexity of pulling this off seem almost impossible and I know that is the pessimist in me, but it seems easier to just give up on the idea instead of having to create the way it could happen.  Mentally stepping away from my own space is hard enough, but not being strong enough to express what I want in this new space makes my heart stop a little bit and scares me.  That fear, that fear of being able to say, ‘this is what I want and I can’t compromise this one thing’ might be the thing that causes me to just politely say, “it’s okay. i’ll figure something else out.”
That isn’t what I want though. I want to wake up with the man I love every single day. I want to have my own space in this new world that I can have my girls laughing and being obnoxious and seeing me happy and relaxed.

I want a fresh start…with twinkly lights.