The Dirt…

While going through every book, paper and photo album I have, I stumbled on a book I can’t remember even buying. It’s the story of Motley Crue, written by the band.
Thing is, I wasn’t a big Motley Crue fan. My best friend in 8th grade, Melony…now she was a fan.  Her walls were covered in every Tiger Beat picture she could find of them. Posters filled every inch of space.  Personally, they just looked a little scary to me and the reaction the boys had in 8th grade when they came out didn’t help.  When other bands started pushing their way in, Melony stayed true to her band and she didn’t part with any of them to make room for “Guns and Roses” like all the other girls did.
In 8th grade there was no other band but Beastie Boys for me.  I actually take pride in the fact that my kids love “License to Ill”.  During high school when everyone else was into the new wave stuff, I was finally realizing that classic rock was my true love.
I wish I could say I was a pioneer in music listening, but even working at a radio station didn’t really help much.

On Friday I found the book in a box of books I was planning to read at some point. I started reading the first chapter and was hooked.  Dear God, how did those fuckers not die in the first year of being a band?  And really, if they could survive their time touring with Ozzie, they must be cockroaches that will be here long after we all have died.   During the whole book I wished I knew which one was which.  Yes, I knew Tommy.  The other ones, no clue. I tried to remember all the conversations that I had with Melony in the years she would spout information off about them.  There was one guy in the band that wore really tight pants and she would go to her grave defending the fact that his dick was bigger than all the other guys, because she had studied every single picture and was nearly certain of it.  Maybe that was Bon Jovi, now that I think of it.  Melony knew all the rock stars and would quiz me at random points of any conversation.  I remember she nearly kissed me out of excitement when she pop quizzed the question, “Who is the lead singer of Whitesnake?!” and I knew the answer.   Do I remember it now? Not unless I google it.

Once I started with the book, I knew I was doomed. I finished it tonight and I have to say, it’s one hell of a fucking good read.  I will be cussing for about a week, because during the whole book, I can’t imagine they censored a damn thing, but they cussed the whole time.  It was a step back into the 80’s when it was okay to have big hair and wear horrible make up.  It was okay to be totally politically incorrect and say ‘fuck’ all the time….as long as my mom wasn’t in the room.

This book made me wish I was a Motley Crue fan.  It also made me SO happy that my 17 year old daughter was a Jonas Brother’s concert and not tearing off her clothes backstage at a Motley Crue concert.
How in the hell did some father not kill those guys?

Anyway, GREAT book.  Go fucking read it.