Cut my hair and change my name!!

I am having more fun trying to push myself farther and farther.
On Sunday I headed out to the drop zone to meet up with Natalie and Kim to do our 2nd dive that weekend.  It would be my third dive in total.

After my second jump from the plane I hurt myself. I don’t know what I did to cause me to lose feeling in my right hand, but I dealt with it so I could pull the chute and learn the navigation in.  It was more annoying than painful.
In the second jump there was more for me to learn and Jeff wasn’t going to let some stinking pinched nerve get me out of what he had to teach me.  “Lets gets the direction of the wind and find the drop zone.”  I turned the chute around to the East and felt our bodies stop moving.  “got it.”  I looked around to find the drop zone and was disappointed that it was that close. I wanted to be way far away so I could spend more time in the air.   Being cute and adorable I recited the t-shirt I had been reading all weekend, “Jeff…swooping is not a crime.”  He laughed and showed me how to swoop.  My body responded to the spinning and diving and I couldn’t control my child like giggling.  “Oh man, you are trouble!”  I think he might have a sense of relief that he isn’t going to be my AFF instructor!!  He did agree that after I am certified he will dive with me.  I’m sad that he won’t be strapped to my back anymore after this, but grateful that he was so professional and fun and was insistent about making sure that each dive I learned something and mastered it.

This last month has been one of the best things that ever happened to me.  It feels like all the things that mattered before are just slipping away. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “I don’t care…whatever…that shit don’t matter anymore.” And I’ve realized how important it is to have boundaries in my life.  I’ve spent too much time letting people be a part of my life without boundaries.  I’m not angry at people because the life I had before because I didn’t show people how I wanted to be treated.  That would have required me knowing what really mattered.

So what matters now?  Being honest with everything that I am feeling. Being present in every single minute of this life. Not even thinking about the ‘what ifs’.  Laughter caused by being alive.  God that laughter is fantastic!  Just letting go.

I believe that this July would be rough.  It marks the month that I got very sick. It also marks my anniversary and also our first marriage counseling meeting.  After the month of June being what it has and all that I have done and seen…July is just another month.  Do I expect a phone call or an “i’m sorry”?  No. Do I care? Not really.  He didn’t.  And I have never been more grateful that someone could care less about the outcome of our life together. So grateful!!

From July 2nd 2009 to December 28th 2009: I promise to myself, my kids and my friends to make up for those exact dates from last year.  All the stuff that has happened in the last few months was just getting us to this point.