I’m going to start this post with a plead for kindness and understanding for my children.
As you all probably all by now…my marriage has come to its end.
We are all in terrible amounts of pain right now. Each of us trying to grab a hold of some sort of sanity. It feels surreal and we all keep hoping to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Not a minute goes by that I don’t say, “Wow. This is happening. This is what my life is right now.” I want to grab all of my thoughts and memories and hold them close to myself and not let it all slip away.
Sadly, for my children, it is slipping away and no matter how many tears we collectively cry it’s not going to mend the broken hearts of the 7 people involved.
This is all still very fresh and very raw so I am going to ask a few favors and hope that people can respect them:
If you see me or my children on the street or around town, please don’t glare, snicker or be mean. Please, for my children. I just want to start over and have a safe place for my children to heal and feel welcome. You don’t have to bring a casserole or be my new best friend…just try to be a little bit understanding of all the pain we are going through right now.
Please no mean comments. Kara is having a really hard time getting through this and we are doing our best to not point fingers. I know it easy to try to make someone else feel better by bashing the other person, but that is not what we are doing or allowing.
If you want to leave a comment, please be respectful to each child and adult that is reading this and be reminded that all of us are broken.
I want to thank all my friends and virtual friends for all the strength, prayers and words of encouragement. Thank you, Megan for not allowing me to be alone. Thank you Nancy for everything you continue to do….your friendship astounds me. Thank you Dan for being the person you are…our friendship through the last 19 or 20 years has been a blessing.
As far as the business goes, we are working through the details. If my friendship with Dan is any clue to how much a friendship through a divorce means to me, then we should be able to iron out what needs to be done and it will work itself out.
I start my job Monday morning.
This was never a post I ever wanted to write. I never thought I would.
My heart is broken in a million pieces and I don’t feel like my world will ever be the same.  I know it will someday be better, but right now…
72 responses to “”
Oh Kristine…you and shaun and all the kids are in my thoughts and prayers…hoping you all make it out the other side in one piece.
*hugs*
love you lots lady
Kris…I know it has been many years since we have REALLY known each other, but, my heart breaks for you none-the-less..I have been in your shoes and I know the fear that feels all-encompassing and the sadness for your children that feels bottomless…You are a strong woman and I know you have the strength to lead your children through this dark time with love and understanding…May god take your hand and lead you…All my love and prayers are with you and your children, my friend….
Oh Kristine. I am so sorry. I feel for all of you. I wish I could just wrap my arms around you right now. Sending you so much love and healing wishes.
I’m so sorry for all you and your family are going through. I’m a child of divorced parents and have been divorced myself, so I understand the anguish. However I’ve also come through to the other side to find happiness and contentment. I wish the same for you and your family. It may take time, but you will get there. To quote King Solomon and Abraham Lincoln, “…and this too shall pass away.”
(((((HUGS))))) to all of you.
If you need a fresh shoulder/ear, you know where to find me. I will send you my telephone number.
Sorry to hear this news. It is hard, on everyone involved. I have been there. I hope that things can workout for you the way they did with Dan.
And if anyone give your kids a hard time about any of this or hurts them in any way, email me and I will fly the 3000 miles and smack them in the head!
Sending all of you a great big hug.
:(
You have great kids. And just like the hard stuff from when you were a kid made you who you are today…this will help mold them. They will all be stronger adults. Especially those beautiful girls.
I’m heartbroken for you all. Most of us have watched your relationship evolve for many years now. We’re invested in a really strange way, so of course we all want to help in any way we can. Just know that we really are here for you. I got nuttin but time baby. Facebook me, Aim me or ask for my number. I’ll let you call and scream at me as long as you want. :)
Renee
Krissy… oh, Krissy! *HUGS*
I know there’s nothing that can be said or done right now to take all of the pain away. Just know that, while it’s raw and fresh and painful now, you’ve ALL been through this before, and survived… you ALL will survive this time. I have full faith that everything will be okay.
I know I don’t write to you much, just know I’m always here reading, always remembering you, and I’m soooo sorry you’re having to go though this. Big hugs to you, the girls, Tyler, and Shaun.
You are loved, don’t ever forget that.
~Shana (Jonathan, Ali, & Kaylynn)
I’m sorry I haven’t stopped by here sooner. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayer’s. I’m here for you anytime day or night. Sending you all lot’s of Love and Big Big Hug’s……..
i am very sorry kristine…
I’m so sorry for the pain you’re all going through. You know how much your online friends have been rooting for you and Shaun and your wonderful kids. Be kind to yourself. Thank you for letting us know what’s happening.
I am sorry you guys are going through this. There is happiness on the other side. You can make it there.
I feel for you. I have been though tuff times. It is hard. I am sad for you. I know what it feels like. Hugs.
Connie
I am so sorry. I wish I had the right thing to say to help.
Oh Kristine I am so sorry. My heart aches for you. Be strong.
I just wanted to let you know I’m thining of you and your family at this awful time. But it sounds like you are putting the children first and if nothing else, you should be extremely proud of yourself for that. I’m so very sorry.
(((Kristine))) As someone preparing to go through the same thing, I understand. I’m sorry. You don’t know me from Adam but please know you are not alone. Peace.
So sorry to hear this. All of you are in my thoughts.
Oh my gosh. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do…
Beth
love and strength to all of you.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. As a child of divorce, I understand what your children are going through – and Shaun’s children. Please know that I am praying for you, Shaun, and your families.
And if anyone says anything to hurt any of the kiddos, I will come kick some ass.
I’m so, so sorry. :(
And anyone who would even think of leaving a mean comment at a time like this is a soulless douche.
I am so very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with all 9 of you… yes, I’m counting the dogs too.
((HUGS))
Delurking to say my heart simply hurts for you all. I hope for you and your family simply, peace.
There is a special place in hell for people who would make mean comments, glare, etc., in a time like this.
I am so very sorry Kristine.
Thinking of you. Stay strong, girl.
I don’t think there’s anything I can say that hasn’t been said already, but I’ll try anyway.
Based on the comments right here (and probably all the ones you’ve already heard in person, not to mention the sympathetic, loving thoughts that are being thought but not commented), know that you are cared for very much, and we are all here for you if you need someone to lean on (some physically, some metaphorically). I’m so sorry for you and your family, and I would hope no one would even consider being mean at a time like this. You will come out the other side and find happiness again!
Good thoughts and prayers from me to you & your family…
I am sooo sorry. I would have never believed it. My heart is with you.
So sorry, darlin’ … as always, you have a community of people rooting for you and the kids …
Thinking of you all while you work through this…
Kristine, I had no idea that this is where you guys were at… I was still hoping you would find a way to work out your problems.
My heart is aching for you. I can only imagine how hard it must be to go through a breakup again and having your kids involved in it.
I am thinking of you. All of you.
Kris my heart aches for you and your family….My thoughts and prayers go out to you in this time of need.If there is anything you need please let me know….It looks like there is alot of people who care for you very much.You are a special person and everyone knows it.I wish I was close enough just to give you a hug and say everthing will be ok…
Thinking of all of you and sending big wishes for anything and everything you need to mend and heal and take care of yourself. What job are you starting?
I wish I could help, I truly do. I am thinking of you, and your family, and sending you so many positive thoughts – I hope you can feel them.
I know how awful this is, and painful, but I have every bit of faith in you and your family that you will come out the other side strong and happy. I know that seems far away and impossible, and I don’t mean to suggest it will be an easy road, but I really do know you all can and will make it through. xoxo
I’m so sorry…(((HUGS)))
I can’t quite understand *who* would leave a mean comment, but if they do…I have a Freaktard I could lend you. Pin a piece of bacon to the back of their shirt and release the hound!
In all seriousness though, I’m so very sorry Kristine. I don’t even know what to say. I can only imagine the devastation your entire family is feeling :-(
I want you to know something & I want the girls to know something. I was thinking about all of this yesterday, and I came to a conclusion. It’s not the marriage that made us family, technically yes. But not really. We could have been sisters either way. I don’t want them to think I don’t love them, this doesn’t make me think any differently of you or them. I will always love you guys, no matter if we live in the same house or not. It doesn’t matter. There’s no such thing as “ex-family”. Sure, ex boyfriends & girlfriends. But you cannot take away family, it just doesn’t happen.
This sucks that all this is happening, and I truly wish there was an alternative, but unfortunately there’s not. Things always turn out for the best.
You are a strong, loving woman. You will get through this. We ALL will.
I love you, enough tears.
:) – Rina Roo.
I too am sorry to hear this. You will all be in my prayers.
How impressive to know you’re not playing the point and blame game. I always want to THINK that’s the way I’d be … then something happens in my life and I react like a 2 y/o.
Your kids are wonderfully lucky to learn such an important skill – although learning it this way does indeed suck.
<3,
Mit
(((Kristine)))
(((all of you)))
peace…
Oh sweetie. I wish I had the words to make this better but I dont. Just know that you aren’t alone. Hugs to all of you.
OMG Rina made me cry. :(
You are so right. You can keep your family intact. It’s not 4 walls that make the family…it’s your love and relationships.
Oh :( I’m sorry that things are horrible for you at the moment . . . my family broke this time last year, and I know it’s hard and everything is miserable. Happy thoughts your way xx
Delurking to say I am so, so sorry to hear it has come to this. Each of you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I have no words that can truly comfort. I’m so sorry you are all going through this. You’ll be in my prayers.
Oh I had no idea! I am so very sorry for you all! I will hold each of you in my prayers and ask Jesus to hold you all in His arms. I hope and pray that people will respect each of you through this most distressing time as you all are deeply hurting. Please try to remain strong and cling to your children and loved ones. I offer my sympathy and compassion to each and every one of you. I have faith Christ will see you through. God Bless you all!
Rina made me cry too. (((Kristine))) hugs all around my dear.
This news makes me sad. I was hoping the rough waters had smoothed a bit. I wish there was something I could do for you from afar.
Many hugs to your family – you are going through a very tough time. I have faith that you will make it through this, and be stronger for it.
I haven’t always commented, but I’m always reading. And if you ever need a shoulder, you can email me for sure.
Lots of hugs, my friend. Lots.
xo
I happened to be blog hopping around tonight and stumbled across your post. I just want to say that I am so sorry! I just recently went through a divorce myself and want to suggest a great book that I would strongly encourage you to read, to help both you and your children through this terrible time… Mike Mastracci’s latest book “STOP Fighting Over The Kids” was a godsend for me in helping me learn the tools and tips that every parent going through a divorce must know.
absolutely stunned. :(
kath just told me tonight.
no details, and i didn’t want them.
just needed to cry my 2 cents worth too, sis.
(very rare cents, you know me)
would consider myself fortunate to have just a smidgeon of the wonderful friends you have.
a whole community sad for you, shawn & the kids. nothing worse than the heartache of a breakup. sniffle…
makes me realize i’m the luckiest bastard in the world, to have you & your family in my life. love you all.
hang in there, or i’ll hafta send mooshoo mooshoo monkeydog “home” to make you laugh until the hurt goes away.
Ahhh, this sucks. I’m so sorry for all of you.
Hope you find some peace in the days ahead :)
Stephanie told me to come read you today and I’m terribly sorry for your craptastic issues going on. You all are in my prayers.
I heart you.
Hugs.
So very sorry for you guys.
I wish I could be there and try to make it all better. I’m so sorry.
I had no idea – I have been pretty out of the loop. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hoping that everyone comes out of it all with some peace.
(((hug)))
I’m so sorry.
If anyone can get through this and still be friends in the end, I know it can be you and Shaun. Hang in there.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I separated from my wife of seventeen years last June, so I understand your pain. It ain’t easy. Lean on your friends and family; that’s what they’re there for.
I’ve been reading (seldom commenting) your blog from Texas for some time now. Chin up.
Oh God, Kris. I’m so sorry. You guys seemed perfect, together!
My prayers and thoughts for the family.
Ms. Randomandtodd –
I am very sorry to read your newest blog. i was just looking at many blogs to help me with my blog and was linkaged to your blog from another blog. i do not know you, but I do pray, and i have already prayed for you and your childrens.
Have a blessed day!
Flanella Jo Washington
just stopping by again to tell you I’m thinking about you! :)
Hey Kris, just wanted to see how you were doing today and wish you luck on your first day at your new job tomorrow!
Renee
Hi, Kristine
I wanted to stop by and say I’m thinking of you – and also wish you a great first day at your new job tomorrow!
Love you xoxo
Poop. On. A. Stick. So Sorry!
Oh Sweetie! I am so sorry to hear this! If you need ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING, I am here! Just pick up the phone. Good luck today! I love you kiddo!
So sorry, Kristine, to hear all that. Oh dear, I may guess how hard it has been for you all. I’ve been following your news on here and in Facebook, but sincerely I was afraid of saying something that could not be enough comfort. This kind of pain is never easy and I wish you strength to deal with it all. You’re a strong woman and I know that you will overcome this sooner ou later.
My prays go for you and children!
Hope everything gets fine soon. Big hugs!
Adolescents and Divorce
This page focuses on what adolescents (age 13-20) go through when their parents divorce. Teenagers are old enough to understand much more about the divorce between their parents than younger children. It is surprising, however, how little they know about the real reason for their parents’ divorce. Adolescents feel the same range of emotions as younger children do, but there are some responses that seem peculiar to their age group.
Questioning Marriage
Money Worries
De-Idealization
Taking Sides
Filling Adult Shoes
Questioning Marriage
Adolescents are more likely to question marriage, and more likely to swear that they will never marry for fear their marriage will be a “fail” the way their parents’ marriage has failed. To the extent this slows down a teenager from marrying too soon, it’s probably healthy. I’m aware of no statistical evidence on this, but anecdotally, I’m willing to bet that few adults whose parents divorced when they were adolescents are permanently discouraged from marrying.
Money Worries
Adolescents are more likely to have financial worries than are younger children. This is due in part, of course, to the intense focus on self that comes to full flower during adolescence. Teenagers have things they want to buy, places they want to travel, and experiences they want to savor, and they are understandably focused on making sure their parents can afford them. In addition, however, adolescents are more aware than younger children about the limitations imposed by money. They suspect the divorce may have direct financial ramifications for them, and they’re usually right.
“De-idealization”
Adolescents are more likely than younger children to find and discuss the faults of their parents. Adolescents do this in the healthiest of families, and it’s normal and appropriate for them to do so; it’s part of the normal disconnecting process. Divorce will exacerbate this tendency, however, to the point where an adolescent whose parents are divorcing may declare one or both of them to be “scum,” or “evil.”
Taking Sides
Adolescents are more likely than younger children to take sides in the divorce. They are more likely to seek an explanation (and if they don’t get one to make one up) about which parent is the “bad” parent and which parent is the “good” parent. Teenagers seek clarity, and they’re much more likely than younger children to condemn one of their parents. The most poignant cases of Parental Alienation Syndrome seem to involve teenagers.
Filling Adult Shoes
Perhaps the most troublesome response of some adolescents to the divorce of their parents is to attempt to fill the role they perceive to be filled in the past by one of their parents. Some parents make this worse by encouraging this kind of behavior as indicating “maturity” on the part of their child.
It’s not mature, and it’s not normal, for a 15-year-old boy to become the “man of the house.” It’s not mature, and it’s not normal, for either parent to confide in a teenager about the issues of the divorce. It’s particularly dangerous and inappropriate for a teenage girl to become the confidant of her father during divorce. In each of these cases, the child may welcome this and even encourage it, because it makes them feel important, valued, and loved. In each of these cases, you may welcome the support out of your loneliness and need. But it’s never appropriate.
As the parent, it’s up to you to enforce the boundaries. You must do so.
One of the healthy responses that teenagers have to the divorce of their parents is to spend less time at home and more time with their friends. There obviously must be limits to this, and you should feel free to enforce normal discipline with your adolescent children even as you move through divorce. However, know that it is normal and appropriate for teenagers to spend more time away from home than they did when they were younger. It’s also normal and appropriate for teenagers whose parents are fighting to spend more time away from home than they would otherwise. As the parent, you should allow this to happen. This doesn’t mean you stop keeping up with your children, but it does mean it’s okay to allow them to be away from your home.
I do believe that since you have such a healthy relationship with DAN….your children will be just fine. By observing this relationship…they have learned already that just because you are no longer married…it does not mean that the other individual will be out of their life,,,That is unless one of the parents won’t allow it and I know you are not that way!! They will be fine…
I hope this gets to you