kristine of little faith
Many years ago when I use to be on this mailing list, I accidentally posted to the list a private email I was sending to person on the list. When I checked my email later on, I saw it posted in our group and I felt like my skin had turned transparent and I was going to die of embarrassment. The email wasn’t anything juicy. Pretty lame in fact. It was the fact that I had posted something ‘personal’ and the whole group KNEW it.
It’s ironic now, this is what I do. I post personal information on the internet for more than just the 300 people that was in our group. I have over 8,000 personal pictures on the internet. My name is my real name.
The best part about it, is I am totally honest about what I write. Yes, it’s from my point of view, but I’m not so distorted and warped that I only see things from one point of view.
No, I’m actually sort of warped, but not too bad.
When putting things up on the internet, I realize I am going to get hate mail. I have gotten my fair share and I delete most of them. Most of the time, the comments are supportive. Sometimes not so much. In good news though, the commenter from last week is actually VERY nice and we have emailed back and forth. I don’t normally don’t do that, but I was in a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad place and I needed to understand. Sure glad I did too.
The worst part of internet posting isn’t actually the phone calls you get from friends and family saying, “OMG. I can’t believe you said that!” because honestly, I don’t get those anymore. The people I respect know I am going to write about my life, honestly. If they are uncomfortable being a part of R&O they tell me. My beautiful friend, Lisa doesn’t understand how I could do it, but respects it and I don’t talk about her life because she is very private. I just talk about what a wonderful human being she is. ‘Cita had her name changed and only visits R&O when she can’t get my phone or Yahoo messenger. JUST TO MAKE SURE I AM ALIVE. Sometimes she will say, “Yeah, I read that.”
Shaun, Shaun, Shaun. Poor guy. Didn’t know what he was getting himself into huh? He knows that I have always in a way have always written for Random and Odd. Surrendering closet space and large chunks of the garage to house my personal diaries going all the way back to 5th grade.
The hardest part is admitting failure. Diets, accomplishments, relationships…everything that I have failed at is right here.
If I got out and walked. If I didn’t eat the Hostess Cherry Pie. If I …If I had done…if I would just… It’s all here on R&O and that’s hard as an Aries to admit…that I failed at something.
“to thine own self, be true” I guess that is what R&O is to me, thineownselfbeingtrue. I stand behind what I say here. Proud of it what it is I am writing about, or not…it’s still honest.
*hi mommy, i miss you so much!