The Christmas we didn’t think we were going to make it.

As I write this post, I am sitting on my couch in front of the tree that had to be redecorated after the trauma it had sustained the night of decoration. I should have known that night it was the precursor for the what I believed would be the most horrible of all Christmases.

This Christmas has turned out to be a Christmas of learning the definitions of words I have thrown around so loosely. Words I have heard for the last 35 years in Christmas songs.

As the season began to roll into the stores with HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS, BUY ME! I started to stress out. Then I checked our bank account and said, “WHOA!” and then I pulled a Christmas Tree and fell to the floor having everything knocked out of me. “WHY DO THEY KEEP LETTING STUFF GO THROUGH?? CAN’T THEY SEE THE MONEY IS NOT IN THE BANK!” But they continued to allow stuff to go through…because every time they do, they get 34.00 bucks. I have been RAPED by the bank in overdraft charges for stupid things like buying GAS. Silly me, thinking I should need such a luxury! Sorry, I digress.

The week before Christmas is when my throat began to close up because of fear. As I write this, I am finally allowing myself to feel the full impact of magnitude of what someone has done for me. I am crying.
My friend ‘Cita and her husband gave me something that I haven’t felt for awhile. They gave me HOPE. They pre-payed several hours of photography so I would be allowed to buy my children Christmas gifts.
When I heard the words leave ‘Cita’s husband’s lips, I started crying. I wasn’t going to have to put off Christmas for 5 children.

I heard a Christmas song after that said, ‘Friends and Family send salutations’ and I began to think about the holiday for what it was.
Two weeks before Christmas the cards start coming in and the music has already been on full rotation in every store you walk into.
Everyday I went through the mail and there they were, Christmas Cards. People taking a moment out of their busy lives to send ME and MY FAMILY a card to say, ‘Hi. I’m thinking about you.” Family, Friends…and my readers. I got more cards from you all…I feel guilty.

With the fire somewhat roaring, the stocking stuffed, the presents under the tree and a fridge full of Boston Market Turkey and Mashed Potatoes, and a body that is relaxed without fear…I write this.

This season is a blessing. It’s about friends. It’s about family. It’s about the stupid things like tree’s that fall, the lights, red, green and candy canes. It’s a time to remember that there is hope, and there is a reason for the season. It may not be about religion or big men in red suits. There is a reason for it and I finally get ‘it’ and I will not forget it.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all that wonderful stuff. Thank you all for being my friends and coming to say “HI”.