Monday 2:26 am.

The last few days have been “strange”.  Thanks to many of you, I had a ‘heads up’ on what the withdrawal symptoms would be like.
So far, mine haven’t been so bad.  I feel a little bit sick to my stomach lately. I’m FINALLY able to feel ‘hunger’ again (on Celexa I had a very low appetite, and NO weight loss to show for it)
My heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest or stopping all together. I keep getting these strange twitches in the back of my legs. I also have blank moments where I feel like I have been knocked out for a few seconds.

The headaches are a bitch. I feels like my head weighs a ton and like a water truck bouncing around on a bumpy road.
I woke up in the middle of the ‘morning’ and I had to physically LIFT my head off the pillow to move it on the pillow.
‘Morning’ is a just a term I’m throwing out there because I don’t know the difference between night and day, except for the fact that normal TV is replaced by informercials.
In the past few days I have been finally passing out at between 4 and 6 am.  It’s strange to lay in bed for SIX hours and wonder if at any point if my body is going to finally be able to fall asleep.
Last night was the worst night so far.

Somewhere between 5 and 6 am, I decided the only way for me to be able to sleep is to get a list going.
This list would need a lot of space and lots of check boxes.  I would need to be able to organize my whole day, be able to erase and start over the next day, and so on and so forth (i’ve been waiting 3 years to use that in a sentence in my blog) and so on and so forth.  (I sound so mature huh?) so forth.
Anyway, the list got too big.
I decided I needed to make a list of the lists I had.
Then nearing 6 am I figured out that the list of list would TOTALLY need a diagram to be able to put together.

Now, normally right before I go to bed I begin the whole, “I should get up and go for a walk in the morning — I should go to the gym tomorrow — I should…”
and I’ve gone so far as actually ‘working out’ in my head.  By the morning I have forgotten all about the things I had told myself the night before.
Because I fell asleep at 6 am with a diagram of a list of lists and got up a few hours later, It was still pretty fresh in my head.  Poor Shaun was drug out today to get me all the things to build my list of lists.  I drew out the diagram and went to town on it.

The girls are excited about the list of lists.  They are on board with getting Mom back to good.  They picked out a color magnet and they are going to do this with me.

I’ll take a picture when the whole bedroom/office is pulled together.  I was trying so very hard to make my room a place of peace, but I realize…in order for me to be peaceful, I need to be on the ball.  I’m working on making it both.

Now, if you will excuse me, I’m going to go throw up and take a Excedrin to kill this headache.