Wife Swap?
Since the laptop decides to loose the wireless information everytime it goes into sleep mode I am being to led to believe that Shaun has taken up praying and made some fucked up pact with God that if I finish our business website he will start going to church and teaching the preschool class by telling them about Noah’s Arc in his Goofy voice.
I don’t know what he did, but I am blaming the whole laptop problem on him. I’m also thinking that HP stands for “Has Problems”
Since I can’t lay in bed and surf porn anymore, I am forced to work on our business site…which on the FUN scale is like ripping off my fingernails one by one…not fun.
In one of my ‘avoiding actually doing anything’ rituals, I checked my email. I started laughing so hard I almost blew my liver out.
“Shaun, WIFE SWAP emailed me!” I had him come over and read the important part:
Kristine,
Greetings. My name is Daniel Markell and I am the Casting Producer for the hit show Wife Swap on ABC.
Perhaps you have heard about it. We are currently looking for amazing families with huge personalities
And great dynamics for the 3rd season. I have surfing around reading blogs and somehow ended up at yours.
I must say that I was definitely entertained by the descriptions of your family and the pace of life at your house.
I was wondering if you were interested in applying.
Shaun was impressed and possibly a bit interested.
“Email them back and tell them you’re in.”
My eyebrows crawled back into my forehead and then came crashing down into the frown to end all frowns.
“NO! you’ll trade me in for the new wife!”
I had a split second thinking of a woman coming in my house and beating my children on a day other than Sunday! I thought about a woman sitting at my computer blogging for me and SPELLING EVERYTHING RIGHT and putting sentences with STRUCTURE on Random and Odd. Oh dear God, what if she bleaches my cupboards!? I will NONE of this!
Then I thought about the poor husband I would get stuck with. He would probably beat me in the head if I asked him to get me soda wif ice, asked him to hold me while I go through the 15 stages of a panic attack and would probably boot my ass out of the car the first time I freaked out when the car in front of us put on his brakes.
Shaun then joked, “You’d go into a family that doesn’t have computers.”
I gasped in fear of the reality of that.
“Ohhh, you would have to go to an amish family!” he laughed.
My eyes got all huge, “Noooooooooooooooo!”
Shaun began to actually get gitty and excited. “Kristine, think about it…we could get a wife that will plow the backyard!”
Hmmm.
Now that’s worth sitting down and thinking about.