cold feet.

I realized last night that Alyx may look dead on like her father, but her inner workings are just like mine.

I came home to 2 teary eyed little girls. Shea knows the best place to trap me is in the bathroom mid-pee. She has my attention fully as she holds the toilet paper hostage.

“Daddy spends more time with everyone else, but me.”

“What? hand me the toilet paper honey.”

She stepped back a step and raised her ever so dramatic eyebrow. “Ryan only takes Alyx for walks and not me. I’m serewous mom. No one notices me. Dad pays more attention to Kara.”

I convinced her that I will have a long talk with Ryan and Dan about how much time they spend with her. In return she gave me the roll back.

I went into the bedroom to say good night to Alyx only to find her sobbing and Marina trying to make it all better.
“WHOA, what’s wrong Alyx?”

“I WANT YOU AND DADDY TO GET BACK TOGETHER *hick, sob* BUT DON’T WANT SHAUN TO LEAVE!”

“Alyx-sweetie…I’m not that religion.”

I sat with her and listened to all her worries. She was afraid that Dan didn’t have any money and that he would lose his apartment. She was afraid he was going to starve to death. She was afraid that he wasn’t going to have any place to live.”
She was in full anxiety attack mode.

As I stroked her hair, I convinced her that everything was going to be fine. That no matter how big of a house we all had, Daddy would rather drink Liquid Drano than live with me again. I told her that she spends more time with her Daddy than most kids with parents that are still together do. I told her that I promised that if ANYTHING happened that Shaun and I would take care of her Daddy. She needed to hear it from Shaun so we went into the bedroom and she cuddled in his arms and he told her the same things. He said he would always get along with her daddy because he knows how important it is that we all get along. He told her that her daddy was a very special guy because he does so much for us. He lets us borrow his truck, he trusts Shaun with his kids, he fixes stuff (but then it always breaks a week later) and I think Alyx finally felt better after hearing that we had her Daddy’s back.

Today, Marina and Kara got into it and Marina burst into tears.
I hugged her and tried to get to the bottom of it and come to find out, I think she’s missing her mom. It doesn’t matter if I do the best that I can, it comes down to a daughter needing her mommy. I know Shaun does a great job making sure I don’t freak out so much. It’s great that my sister calls to make sure I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth…but sometimes, it doesn’t matter if your 12 or 34, a girl just needs her mommy.

I’m thinking the fix-all for all of this comes down to a few things.

1. The version of my WordPress having SPELL CHECK.
2. Kiddy Xanax.
3. Mommy time.

It’s really that simple. I think the spell check might just fix EVERYTHING though.

If none of that works…I’m thinking WEDDING CAKE might do the trick.